habs and suks

as promised before, a post for habs and suks.
and why i wanna write about them.

hello babies.
you won't ever know.
you won't ever read.
but i just thought of writing to you.
i've never really wrote about you two here.
but i know that i always wrote about yuki here.
i guess it's just that sentimental attachment that i'm afraid of.
worried that i'm overly attached to you two and won't be able to let you two go when your time comes.
so while i was doing my posts on sentimental attachements (like finally finally done all 4 parts but 5 posts in all), all the closures and stuff for my past, i thought about the two of you.
and thought i should really pen down on how i really feel.
as much as i refuse to let myself get overly attached, it's really hard cos you two are so dear.
and i guess at this point of time, i've grown unknowingly overly attached to the both of you.

this week, i realised how long more you two will be around us.
you two have been with us for almost a year.
so the max is another year left.
that's really really short you know?
same as yuki, i'm going to tell you 2, don't die so soon okay?
roborov are 2 years, please don't break the promise like yuki.
please stay for as long as possible.
stay healthy, don't fall sick.
for the amount of joy you bring to me and us, continue okay babies?
i'm going to sing qiangqiang and listen on repeat when that day comes again.

i was just watching the both of you that day.
you two like to sleep carelessly nowadays.
either flat on your tummy, curled like a beanbag, or even by the side.
if it wasn't that furry movement among your furs, and if it wasn't that you guys are only soon to be a year old, i would really thought that you two died.
it's hard not to worry cos you 2 have been acting so weirdly recently.
sleeping way too much and habits also so weird.
cos when yuki started getting old and frail and in his last days, his habits changed and we noticed but we didn't know why. and he also started becoming less active that it was so worrying.

as much as i don't want that day to come, i've been imagining it in my head.
would it be in my house or at daddy's place?
then what will happen?
one of us will rush over to the other's house, and we will grieve so badly.
then bury where?
i've actually thought of it. if my place, then the same old tree that yuki or snowy is being burried.
if daddy's place, then the garden below his house so that you two will decompose and be nutrients for the plants they nurture.
then will both of you go at the same time, or days apart? or months apart?
i have a feeling if one leaves the other won't stay for long either.
cos you two have been so bromance gamestrong.
but i think that the one who witness or find out their death will be the one who is more heartbroken.
all the time.
i never felt so sad about snowy than i did for yuki.
i guess that was the reason why.

and the thought of you two leaving, as much as i mentally prep myself, as much as having experiences with dealing with one, i believe it will still be a whole new excruciating pain and experience.
cos every pet is different, the memories they give is different.
but i do know that when that time comes, i will be desolate and bereft, mourning over loss and emptiness.
but there's something i never ever want to do, is to give you your final touch or stroke when you pass on.
3 hamsters ago i couldn't bear to do it, 5 hamsters next time and i don't think i will ever want to do that.
the idea of touching your cold motionless furry bodies, it's too much to bear.
please stay healthy and live long okay baby?
and i also wonder, will i be sadder than those who have passed on already? will it be more painful than ever since the both of you are precious babies of your daddy and me.
but idk.
i hope it will be manageable. and i hope that both of us will be strong and stay strong and think about happy memories that you 2 have gave us. 

and you know how we always exchange the two of you after a certain time frame?
that feeling of missing after we exchange the two of you, and getting used to it in the following days after the exchange will be the real deal when the two of you pass on.
that day after spending such a long time with you two, my room felt so empty.
like my table was empty.
those muscle memories of walking to my table and watching you two after waking up, coming home from outside and screaming for the both of you RISE AND SHINE, it was weird that i wasn't able to do it anymore cos you two went back to daddy's place.
and also hearing sounds from my room from the dining table as though you two were busy scurrying around, then coming into my room only to realise it was the curtains hitting against the window sill, and to rmb that both of you went back.
or hearing weird noises while i'm in my room thinking that it's you two again, only to look up and realise it's the paper bags in my room making that sound and that both of you aren't here.
these are the feelings i will feel next time, amplified much more cos when that time comes nothing we do will allow us to relieve moments like that.
watch you two sleep, the scent of you two, watch you two fight, that noisy drinking water, and etc.
so i've always thought that memories are impt, each video and photo we have of you guys, are precious cos it's only 2 years max that we get to have moments like that.

OMG RADIO PLAYING 终于等到你 at such an hour, 0133 am now.
so much feelz eh...
listened to this song x1000 when bueller in OBS.
so sad but it was also because of this song that kept me going and gave me faith.
终于等到你，还好我没放弃。。
幸福来的好不容易，所以才会让人更加珍惜。。
终于等到你，差点要错过你。。
cries cries..cried so badly back then and so heart pain when listening to songs like that.
but who knew obs was just the tiniest obstalce back then.
okay the song ended while i blogged about this part.
let's continue.
LOL now they play 做你的男人 at 0138am hahahaha another of bueller and my song.
i made him sing on his birthday heheh.
so memorable this song and so sweet.
okok back on track.

habs love to sleep like a baby.
like a monk.
he comes up with all sorts of sleeping position.
suks more conservative?
he sleeps more normally.
but he has always been the naughty one.
bully habs, being rebellious.
but still lovable.
habs very easy to love, very sensible and good.
but sometimes a little dumb, falling off table tops and beds.
not as smart as suks, that's why always get bullied hahaha.
habs always let me stroke him, suks abit more difficult.
maybe only 2/10 chance of stroking him and him being still.
he escapes at every oppurtunity, from me.
whereas habs escapes at every oppurtunity, from his cage.
hahaha.
so silly right.

then both of you like to look up with those irresistible hamster eyes.
and those pink nose.
that i will die a million times for.
i love your little tiny paws.
so soft against my skin.
and those soft fur.
and although i always complain how smelly you 2 are, but i also secretly like how smelly you two are.
it's just your smell.
and i love it when my room smells like you two tho everyone else dislikes it and even i complain sometimes but still low key likes it haha.
i will miss your smells though.
i don't really rmb yuki smelling like that haha. 

as much as i dislike the both you fighting, i kinda love watching them.
izzit real man fights?
hahaa.
sealy babies.
so interesting.
fight for food, fight for wheel.
eager for food. stuffing in your pouches, then unloading in your houses.
running around so actively in your cage at night.
hiding under my bed.
running around my bed.
getting scared by summikko hahaha.

i won't ever know how you two think about us, or if you even know us.
but we know you, and we will keep that memory.
that's about all i have for you two babies now.
my cute little 2 babies.

i love you babies.
so much.