detachement

and another thing.
knowing how private he is, how mysterious and all, and it's actually something i admire and like him for. 
that even though he shares with me how he feels and shares with me about his day, sometimes i just wish that he could immerse or indulge him in his working life.
for some reason, despite coming from there and despite once working there, it feels very very foreign because of the way he shares it.
like..yes, good to know about the work you do etc. good that he is willing to share the least. 
but sometimes alot that happens behind these work, are conversations.
and many of them.
so what if it is work related? tell me. i would like to know.
what my bf did or talked about, things he shared with his colleagues. things they shared with him.
this entire part makes me feel like an outsider. like if i were to asked too much i won't be allowed in.
like i'm not supposed to know. i'm only suppose to watch from the outside. like everytime i ask, aiya work stuff la. aiya nothing much one la all work.
it feels..... so brushed away. like intended to keep me out.
i know he keeps work and private life far apart. 
i know that he won't share about his private life to his colleagues or at his workplace.
and it feels that likewise, vice versa.
that he won't share about his work life happenings to the people at home. i don't mean the updates, i mean all the teeny little bits of convo that makes up 100% of his working day.
unless you are telling me that you are a mute, go in sit down, do work, eat lunch, do work, go home.
but sometimes, it also feels that like because he knows them, because he cnt say no, so he is forced to share some details he won't ever share given normal circumstances, and like end up the whole office knows about these private little details.
and whereas on the other hand, these private details are kept to workplace and workplace only. 
i just feel very detached because he don't ever say, and i can't even ask. 
if i ask it leads to whole chain of questions and brushing aways.
why you want to know, not important, nothing much, just like that, boring. 
yeah and it makes me feel extremely attached, that there is this invisible boundary he drew up and i'm not allowed to enter at all.
a boundary that he protects so fiercely like he will die if he let me in.
unlike the other way, that if given more probing about his personal life he will give in for sure and share with them about it. 
no questions asked, no brushing away, he will share it like how you command a doggo to fetch. 
maybe the reason why, is because sharing leads to quarrel and me being sensitive about anything being shared?
but hiding isn't the way either, and because of the no-say, it makes me even more curious like whao 做了什么 why don't dare share kinda thing. 
and i have always been curious, since day 1 when i noticed this trend.
always on the safe side, always saying what is scripted and meant to say only.
risky things he don't do. 
very true indeed.