applesauce it

I can understand and can be understanding to a certain limit.
i cnt possibly be this applesauceing understanding every applesauceing time you are tired.
and for this week, I've already given leeway cos of the whole phone episode.
now, AGAIN.
you applesauceing serious bo bruh?

you don't, and you can't expect someone to be understanding without any applesauceing explanations or justifications.
I'm sorry it doesn't work this way. (mimics that intimidating CL tone)
not for me.
you don't come and mofo me I'm tired I've never been so tired.
it doesnt justify for anything AT ALL.
you don't say why, you don't bother explaining.
then why should I understand why should I be understanding.
you tell me?
having worked with CL, influenced completely by her choice of words, actions and tone, it is pretty unbelievable that simple logical things like above didn't happen.

fine we make do without above, it could have just been: sorry baobei I'm really tired, I promise i will make up to you tmr ok?
NOT EVEN THAT.

FYI, sis sent me a post where it says we should replace all swear words to applesauce each time we feel like swearing, so I'm on it.

but ya back to the post.
and so I believe it gives me enough reason to be disappointed and sad and annoyed about it until it gets justified and until the deviation from a promising 1hr htht to a pathetic 12 mins is rectified, and from an "UNIMPORTANT" issue till you realize how IMPORTANT it was to me because I've waited for the entire day for it to be justified.
the AT THE MOMENT shit I've been going on and on.
exactly this. at that moment, busy. fine. that I fully comprehend.
the least was to have it at the end of the day, or the least was to update asap once you are done busy.
but no, the next day. then what's the point honestly.
when what I've been eagerly waiting for have been brushed away so simply as UMIMPORTANT.
and if that's so unimportant idk why you spend so long on that and idk what exactly is impt.
do you think when you dropped your phone, all those overhwleming emotions would be the same if we had the convo after everything on the next day we meet?
do you think you will be so frank and upfront in showing me and telling me about how exactly you felt?
no you wouldn't.
it's the at the moment I'm talking about.
when you dropped it, you called overwhelmed with emotions.
you couldnt fill in little details of how exactly it happened but you filled me in shortly after.
trust me when I say it wouldn't be the same if the whole story were to be told only the next day.

if I needed to explain why the applesauce am I disappointed or pissed, I would.
but you would be the fool for not knowing.
i am pissed and disappointed because
1. as a gf, i have missed the at the moment which was promised to be shared on that night itself, postponed from at the moment to night TIME to the next day. now that's disappointing.
2. because you declared that it is
UNIMPORTANT, it became unimportant but you didn't realize how important it was to me. waiting since that moment, waiting since you mia because busy. why? what happened? idk. I'm clueless. true, we could all just push it to "work". but what? I believe that needs clarification. i hate it when things are unclear and zero intention was given on making it clear at the moment, pushed back to "tell you tonight". what happened? you see it for yourself.
3. i was simply brushed off and away like an annoying fly on the dinner table, because unimportant.
4. the deviation from a 1hr htht to a 12 min was totally unexpected and uncalled for, and until that is justified I believe I have every reason to be in this mood that I am right now
5. something so simple like SORRY BAOBEI I WILL MAKE IT UP TO YOU OKIE? didn't even happen when you don't even bother justifying and I think the least you could do was this than shooing me away like an applesauceing fly.
6. stop applesauceing sounding promising with those applesauceing "strong" shit. I've said it before, tired just say tired. strong strong strong, end up? strong doesn't get you anywhere, it leads to an annoyed gf because if you said you were strong, then why was my applesauceing htht a 12 min? if you had said you were drained from the day etc from the start, you would have earned empathy and tlc.
but it wasn't the case. the first time I ever heard of it was during the call. and it just ended so abruptly.
7. at the end of the day, it's me at the receiving end again. not knowing wtf happened, not knowing the causation factor, left in a blur and still need to be fucking understanding.
you see how unfair it is?
tell your APPLESAUCEING colleagues and boss then. just throw them a crap piece of work, then say oh I'm really very tired. and just leave.
you think they can understand? no, you think they will understand?
pls try I would love to see.
8. they are the ones who was there, who were the AT THE MOMENT. they spent the whole time of those moments with you. i wasn't there, i wanted to be part of that moment and it could only be done through sharing and communicationg. and i don't even deserve to know even after it happened. why? cos unimportant.

you know, I don't even bother texting.
i don't even bother really.
it ends up me at fault again, throwing tantrum for "no reason" again, brushed off for sharing how I really feel.
no point la really.
"too tired" save him some slack, too tired can't emphasise with how I really feel.
yeah yeah.
then who's gonna cut me some slack?
who is going to make sure that after such fucking day for him I get my love I get my TLC I get what I deserve as a gf?
because after such a fucking day, I don't even get any of those.
i get those fuck he gets, it only lands on me.
cos tired, who gets compromised in the end?
it's not work, it's not his fucking boss, it's fucking me.
mofo bloody me.
who after those promising "strong" "tell you tonight" i hung on faithfully and patiently to this shit.
with a sudden bomb of I really very tired I've never been so tired for so long.
eh wtf? what happened to strong?
why end work cnt share with me? why during work cnt share with me? oh I got it, cos busy.
like I said, I'm here to share.
no I'm not then. I'm here to be brushed away.
look at kr, look at phone episode.
you shared fully, transparently, what have you got?
all the fucking support you could ever get, all the love tlc hugs kisses.
it isn't fair to me, AT ALL. not a single bit.
work requires you to have that energy, not your gf.
fine.
you give you 100% for something that wouldn't even appreciate you or love you for that and wouldn't even give a 10% to someone who has always been here, fine.
there's only this much I can give, there's only this much I can do.
you really can't expect that much from me. wanting me to understand, wanting me to give in, wanting me to compromise, wanting me to give up on what I was entitled.

you can rebutt in whatever logical way you want.
the bf whom idk anw. the one who changed over less than a year after working. the one who I don't even know anymore when it's not a non working day. the one who doesn't even speaks nicely but nastily the one who doesn't even call you with much endearment. the one who no matter what reason as long as you angry you are a bitch who ruins his day.
this is my stand.
empathise or not, understand or not, I've said so much it's honestly all up to you.
can already imagine all those applesauceing shit being thrown back at me.
but you know what? fuck this idgaf.
I've done enough holding back my speech just because somebody dislikes long texts, spoils his day whatever applesauce. those "its this shittty feeling and i still got work"
yalo got work big deal.
didn't I had to work while you were in wgt while we quarreled?
haven't I been there done it before?
"history is repeating itself, i dont wish to quarrel, let's move on"
yeah I don't want to move on, I too free and love picking a fight.
a fight doesn't happen because I want to chuay daiji.
it happens for reasons and like I said, I don't throw tantrum or get angry without any reason nor rhyme.
and the least, the very least you could do was to share with me how you felt.
truly disappointing.
you don't even see me as someone to share such feelings and thoughts after long days like that.
really smh really speechless.

需要你的时候 把你当宝。
不需要你的时候 把你当屎。
这句话说的太对了。
being brushed away like dust and dirt.
so applesauceing disappointing.