ramblings over a book

a book that can make you cry over it while reading says alot about the book.
a book that can keep you up past midnight says alot about the book too.
what do you do when you are left with nothing?
what do you do when your most beloved person left you because of a change of heart?
what do you do when it feels like everyone in the world have left you?
the reason why I cried over it was because it felt a little like me now.
not that I'm left with nothing, and not that I'm left with nobody.
but it just feels a little like it?
no jobs. no income. nothing.
no friends, no one to go out with, nothing.
other than this bedroom there really isn't anywhere I can go and neither is there really anything that is mine.
my beloved person didn't leave me yet but there were other things to cry for like the nasty words, the change because of a job, and what the future beholds. the trip, the things I need to go through and really don't want to.
the feeling of the UK coming all over again.
all the reassurances that didn't came true.
all the trust I gave but got broken.
it's really hard to trust again.
I cried over the loneliness the character in the book felt, in comparison to the loneliness that I'm feeling in my life too.
you know how glad I am that sis has her recess week?
feels like there's finally someone there for me.
and having someone to talk to throughout the day constantly tho it's a little annoying cos I wanted to concentrate, it's very entertaining too.
since when have my life got so pathetic.
and I felt as pathetic as the character in the book.
but it turned out all well for her in the end.
which is good.
and sometimes the person you love so much may not be the person you wanted so much after all, after a series of events that happened.
and sometimes when that time comes, you just stop harbouring thoughts and stop loving that person for all the times he have broken your heart without realising and it's all too late when he realizes because you simply no longer want him that badly anymore.

just want to say thank you for the night talks.
especially for tonight's one.
we had 1hr40mins on a weekday night.
which was really surprising and comforting for me.
and the conversation was not a moment full nor boring, it was progressive tho not deep.
thank you for the full blast of energy, appreciate it alot.
it is really really rare to have things like that nowadays seeing how work has taken a huge toll on your mental energy level.
it feels like something I've always wanted came true very unexpectedly and randomly just now.
and thank you for listening to me and encouraging me on my job search, it meant alot to me.
it was definitely reassuring.
like I finally felt that I didn't wasted my time away and was finally doing something productive and was being credited for what I did.
than my efforts being put away and hidden in the dark.
and so I appreciated it very much.