alone time, sucks.

hello bloggie.

it's night time again!

and it me alone again!

i'm so funny right, while everyone else is awake i'm sleeping in.

while everyone else is asleep i'm awake.

screwed body clock!

but you know what?

it's so damn sian to wake up every single day knowing you have nothing to do at all.

working out doesn't even motivates me anymore.

then waking up every single day to know that you are still unemployed.

my patience and determination is running lowwwww.

it's really pretty scary how much your happiness is dependent on one person.

yes i've been happy i've been blissful but it terrifies me toooo.

and it always makes me wonder when the next wave will come and when will i get hurt and be sad again.

no one lets anyone be happy for too long.

that's 100% true.

i've been not feeling hungry for so long.

it's been so weird. 

like nothing i eat gives me any satiety anymore?

i'm not even hungry to begin with, just eating for the sake of eating.

even if i'm hungry, it's just a little but not enough to make me want to devour anything. 

izzit cos of my lifestyle/mood? 

like really nothing at all.

it feels like i can survive my day without eating, just drink water full liao.

or izzit working out causes it? 

watched 20 episode drama in 2 days? or was it 3 days.

finished 200 over pages of novel in 2 days.

my efficiency too high i kennut. 

being efficient for the useless stuff.

stuff that requires efficiency i failed to do so.

hurhurhur.

izzit i'm fated to go back to food industry?

izzit i'm fated to work in the west? 

why until now all no response one.

😔😔😔😔😔😔😔

izzit i havent worked hard enough?

it makes me wonder what's so great about everything i've done which i thought were great.

big companies, 2 years experience, degree.

but it feels like i'm back to ground zero, or worst.

ground basement.

i feel worst than when i have my diploma and searching for jobs.

coca cola and gsk were so simple eh, tho i had interviews, but they were like god sent.

and i just had to walk to take it.

now, i ran i swam i cycled but i still get nothing. 

even part time jobs don't bother responding to my email?

what sorcery? 

1st march!

new burgers so this was our dinner!

i loved it because it's crispy and it's fish and it's something i can eat other than mchicken.

but i find it a little too small.

yesterday!

cooked for fam.

virgin attempt in making garlic butter herbs rice!

the flavour was definitely there and it didn't tasted too oily nor buttery.

but it was too watery. ):

this was not the final product obviously.

chickennnn.

pan fried to perfection hehehe.

jajanggg.

it's simple.

but because i'm still not used to cooking, and i only used one pot as usual, it took me 1hr plus? 

this was dinner tonight!

so yummmmeh.

haven't had such yummeh home cooked food for belly long time.

idm eating this again.

really very good.

the flavour was there, wok hey also.

everything was to purfection. 

yumzzzz. 

but i ate abit and i was so damn full already. 

and for once bueller said enough meh.

so little eh.

full meh.

hahahaha.

yes i was so damn full.

halfway through already very full liao. 

there was creme brulee too.

and for the first time ever, i found myself liking creme brulee.

bellllly naise. 

purrrfect too.

i would eat another one too but my tummy had no space. 

and i would have eaten more of it but really too full for some reason.