it happened again today.
💔💔💔
😭😭😭
i never knew spending time together would make him tired.
i thought spending time together was only right.
it doesn't matter if it was enjoyable or not, but it made him tired.
him being tired was not what i wanted this weekend.
i wanted him to be fully recharged and do nothing but just me doing the work.
i guess i was wrong and i guess it didn't work out.
i guess we forgot the basic of being together.
which is no matter how tired you are you still want to be with one another.
probably not anymore.
no longer sweet, but replaced with realities of life.
if my presence is a nuisance, i will leave.
my presence is to be appreciated, not taken for granted.
my presence is to make people happy and enjoyable, not tired.
i dont need to be a nuisance.
we used to be each other's world.
his center of the world changed, mine haven't.
pls understand that it is hard for me.
pls don't brush off my feelings just like that.
i just wished i could be treated like before, so preciously.
than like a nobody right now.
i know i am no longer the center of your world, but you still are for me.
i'm still trying to strike a balance.
which is why i said, i feel like a dog.
when all i have is my owner, but my owner have many other things.
and he can choose to have me or not.
spend time with me when he is free and available, chuck me aside when he is busy.
the convo went like this: with all the bad and negatives, followed by the recognition.
when the recognition came, it felt so unnecessary and out of place at the wrong timing.
it sounded like having a sweet after a bitter medicine.
but it still felt bitter.
as humans, we want appreciation.
for all that i have done, it felt unnecessary and uncalled for.
felt like 可有可无。
but not irreplaceable.
its funny how daily routines became something considered as an effort, because it is an effort to keep up with daily routines.
or perhaps it has become a chore.
i have always thought that effort means something out of the way.
like i'm bad at studies so i do twice the amount of work to catch up?
but daily hw is not counted as effort cos that's what you are supposed to do?
but i guess i was wrong too.
you took the effort to clear your hw so that's effort too.
i reaally didn't knew.
I nv knew TLC was something that was too much to ask for.
but it was good to know.
he was the one who taught me TLC.
he told me he will give me TLC.
but when I said I needed more of that he said he have been giving and it seems like I'm asking for too much.
and again, my feelings and words gets brushed off.
i miss the past him.
i really do.
i miss him so much.
the past him wouldn'tever have led nor put me through such misery.
the past him wouldn't even have said things like that.
the past him was so easy to understand and i wasn't even afraid.
i'm so scared right now.
how do i love when i'm scared.
when i can't even cry and not allowed to even when i feel sad or 委屈
can the past him come back and hold me in his arms telling me its koay that this him will go away.
i can't even see my screen right now.
neither my keyyboards.
i'm crying so badly i can't.
i feel so sad and so upset.
can somebody hug me and tell me that it is okay.
can the past him come back pls.
my heart hurts so bad it hurts even when i breath.
很痛很痛怎么办
我在他心里到底是什么地位?
是否还跟从前一样的疼爱，因为怎么故事好像变了。。
你心里理想情人是几分， 是否也会有我的份。
好想知道你的100分会给怎样的人
i wished i hadn't known him at all, it might have hurt less.
then i will only start to know him now, which makes things easier.
i will not miss the old him.
i will not want him back at all.
你不觉得可惜的东西，我觉得很可惜。
it's okay if you don't agree, but it didn't had to be so mean.
words cutting me down like a fallen tree.
but you know what's the funny thing?
despite all these I still recognize and appreciate his efforts and all the small little gestures.
看到了收藏在心里。
it's too long a list should I need to put them down.
like knowing how I hate peeling and dealing with garlic and helping me with it automatically.
it was such an aww moment for me.
and helping me alot with the dishes.
surprising me with my balls.
and I loved it so much.
just balls but so delicious.
felt so loved and touched too.
sending me. cos we live so far apart.
sigh.
奋不顾身的天真
瞬间化成 一路走来的伤痕
我怀念 我的笨
爱人，你太知道 害一个人怎样害一生
你在他干净无菌主题乐园 加进了坏人
No comments:
Post a Comment
your comments =)