等

the whole conversation was you, me and his gran.
there wasn't us.
the next date, is a question mark.
because what has overwhelmed it are work work and work.
and her fucking name as outstanding as the sun on a gloomy day. it irks me, it annoys me, it disgust me.
thing I've once thought about it knowing how I would have felt are happening live right now.
lunches? yes
conversations? yes.
and many more yes to come.
it sucks enough to have him taken away by work and it feels fucked up more to have known there's that fucking woman taking up his time from my abscence and knowing that he is spending time with her with goddamn limited time with me.
it sucks af.
once a conversation filled with us and we is now replaced with plenty of other stuffs and emptiness.
I guess it takes a while to get use to.
that I'm back to the one waiting, being the one who is always free and waiting to get called and asked out.
feels silly as always, as suffocating as always.
I've always thought that once I passed the previous round it wouldn't happen to me ever again.
seems like it will be the nth time and it will continue.
just that this time, I've learnt better to suck it up.
also this time, I will not try.
previously I would call for corrective actions.
if those worked, I wouldn't be where I am now feeling every shit I'm feeling.
this time round.
我什么都不说。
我只会默默的忍。
and once it gets too unbearable, I won't be here to tolerate these shit ever again.

等了一个小时后的对话感觉好无聊。
起初很盼望的回复已经被不耐烦与持久的等待融化掉。
说着等着也觉得没意思了。
干脆不说算了。
他可以把全部的时间和精力和她在一起， 有说有笑。
一个主人与宠物的关系。