Hail the king

It has been 2 depressing nights.
2 different matters together, yet so much to bear.
Heart breaks and more heart breaks.
This issue causes me heart break and will continue causing it forever.
I'm done having my heart broken.
So fucking done.

For one, there's clearly something. He sees through me, each and every part.
He knows the answer from the way I respond, from the way I react.
Idk how, he can.
In fact probably everyone can except 1 person in this world.
He knows, I know. I know, he knows.
It left me jittery for the entire day, waiting and waiting.
It made me thought about it all day.
And it sucks to be knowing but not talking.
What does it mean.
"5 years down the road, will this matter?"
No.
For two, my heart turned into stone cold.
It really just froze and it really just broke.
Took so many gulps to push everything back down my throat.
Took so much determination to stay strong.
Took so much to stop my voice from quivering and turning hoarse.
Anything, not this.
If he knew, he wouldn't.
Wouldn't ever.
"5 years down the road, will this matter?"
Yes.
What I didn't understand was why I bothered sticking through that 30 mins knowing everything all too well.
Simply a waste of my time and a waste of my emotions.
That didn't matter, for all we know the king prevails.

Should have known.
I should have known.
A wild wonder leading to the biggest fear came true.
What a turn of events.
And because of that wild wonder I have already known what I wanted.
太委屈的事，我不做， 因为太对比起自己。
Be optimistic all you Want, I'm having none.
In fact I'm having none of these nonsense.
Probably jumping off the building is a better option than going through any of these shit.
That, you have rekcuf to thank since that's the goddess to worship after.

割入心里的痛， 谁来理解。
凌晨的泪滴， 谁来舒解。
这样的一颗心，这样的一个人，能忍受多少次的伤痛和失望。

Tonight I shall not cry.
Tonight I will not cry and am not going to cry.
Tonight I shall let all the pain consume me.
Tonight I will let my mind do all it's work.
Tonight is a horrible night.

How to leave someone's life?
I wished it was as easy as resigning from a job.
Give letter, do clearance, leave.
Sadly it isn't as easy as this.
Sadly there is still someone out there fighting.
Yet sadly, this is not the happiness I wanted.
This was never the happiness I was looking for.
This is also not the future I was looking forward to.
This is nothing that fits into what I want.
Neither is it something i need.
Leaves me no reason to accept it.