kinda man

you know how those drama cast who always likes to go to the fridge to grab ice cold water in the middle of the night when they can't fall asleep?

i did that ytd LOL.

after managing to fall asleep for about an hour, i woke up in the middle of the night feeling thirsty af.

mainly due to the alcohol, and i guess even more dehydration from secretion of tear glands.

so i actually pulled myself out of bed and walked to the fridge.

then opening the fridge and retrieving the nearest drink my hand could reach. 

ice cold green tea. 

gulped half of it. 

and went back to bed.

leaving the other half on my night stand. 

#izzitlikeacool

lolol. 

sometimes drama isn't drama but an exaggerated version of reality. 

Happy death anniversary Yuki.

is there such thing as happy death? 

idk. but idk how else do i call it either.
You think I've forgotten.
Bt I rmb it every year.
Why?
because every 15 comes after an impt v day, and every 15 marks the total defence day in sg.
Sometimes I blog about it, sometimes I keep it in my heart.

but this must be the countless time i have ever dedicated a post for you, when you were still here and after you were gone.
I still miss you.
And I still love you.
I don't think I will ever be able to let you go.
Because you brought so much joy to my life.
I still hate that you left earlier than what was expected of you.
i hate that you left me with all the heartaches and memories.
In the long run, a new one may replace you or I may nv be able to accept a new one because you are still all over me, but it will nv replace us and everything you have given me.
Despite the fact that you were just this tiny creature I've known for a lottle while, and despite the fact that it was sis who wanted you, we had and we shared this special bond.
It was you who accompanied all my lonely nights.
It was you who pulled tricks and stunts as though you could sense the days where I was sad and broken.
I watched you jumping around the cage actively in the middle of the night.
And you always love to poke your nose out of those bars to acknowledge my presence.

i found a new pal, who had a similar like us.

and i love him so much. 

he's not mine, and i only get to see him every few months. 

i wonder how the 2 of you would interact if i were to put the both of you together hahaha.  

the thought of it feels funneh. 

like bff's monster junior and furry nachos.

they had so much fun as though they were bff in their last life. 

coincidentally, i had to chance upon and read this today. 

"Settle down with the guy who brings you flowers, even without a special occasion, because he knows that they bring sunshine to your day and make you grin from ear to ear. Someone who is happy to witness your priceless reaction whenever he surprises you with a touching gesture, and never runs out of creative ideas to make your heart go wild."

read this, and plunged to the stairway of hell. 

"Settle down with a guy who doesn’t promise something he can’t keep, so he can avoid hurting people and letting them down. A guy who cares deeply about your emotion and sympathizes in your pain because he believes that everyone’s feelings and thoughts are valid."

promises. are so useless now. 

promises was something sacred to me way before i even got into this relationship.

again, promises proved to meant to be broken. 

how sad this is. 

"Hold onto a guy who doesn’t only call you when he needs something from you. Someone who doesn’t consider you as an after-thought when he’s done having fun, a second option when his number one priority doesn’t work out, or the person he remembers when he gets bored."

can't believe i became not a first option, when friends and fun overwhelmed everything.

not once, not twice. i can't count. 

"Settle down with a guy who writes you thousands of words just to explain his big heart, and big love for you. A guy who expresses his current thoughts by sending you a song, or even a whole album to listen to. Someone who mimics an actor from a romantic film, and delivers a dialogue that is intended to melt your heart."

i refuse to open the drawer to count the limited number of letters/cards i have, and i refuse check because i will read them AGAIN. 

but i know it's confirm plus chop less than a handful.

less than a handful of those, few posts in the forgotten blog.

read this, and i plunged even deeper into hell. 

probably a wrong choice to be on social media. 

now i'm back with a heavy heart again. 

taking even longer to stop feeling heavy. 

supposed to be blogging about ytd.

it got ruined.

tanks. 

i will somehow, next time.