心不

You know.
This feels almost exactly like July. 
No, it is exactly the same.
Everything that I'm feeling.
I'm feeling it all over again.
It hurts the same.
It broke even harder because in a short span of 6 months we are back to square one.
Before even I'm fixed.
This is extremely unbelievable.
I find it incredibly amazing.

Just that this time round.
I grit my teeth harder.
I froze my heart even more.
I bury myself deluding myself even more.
I hold back those tears even more.
Knowing me, knowing myself.
They might just find a way to escape again.
But. Trying even harder because it is so not worth it.
Fucking not worth.
And refusing to let it hurt my just recovered eye, if tears does any form of hurt to it.
It doesnt make any difference, local or abroad.
It's the same thing all over again.
Those nights.
Me alone.
Trying to sleep.
Forcing myself to sleep.
Yet thinking about everything.
Then forcing myself not to think.
And fuck this shit.
Feeling the disappointment.
Feeling the heart aches.
Wiping tears over and over again.
Trying to reason over and over again achieving nothing.
No difference.
Nothing being done.
Fucking Cheap useless shitty talks.

This time round, I learnt my lesson.
I won't be as stupid as before.
I won't try like an idiot.
I'm going to relax and watch.
the heart can only bear this much disappointment.
Anything more than that, idk what isit.
And idk if it has the capability to with hold that much.
要懦弱要躲在乌龟壳请便。
要用嘴巴取代行动也请便。
我绝对不会再像之前那个愚蠢的白痴。

And honestly.
Why am I even blogging.
Thanks stupid outlet required.
I just bared my heart naked again knowing nothing will be done to fix it even if someone knows it.
Thanks.
Thanks so much.