2016

29 dec

the day i met my bff. 

she was on stand by and she told me that usually she would get called up but didn't this time round.

and i said you're destined to meet me today hahha.

it felt different.

everything.

the vibe, the bond, us. 

it felt pretty depressing when the meet up was over.

i felt very broken actually but i kept pushing the feeling away.

unlike the usual us, where after any fight we would be ok, this time round i guess not.

probably it took us too long after the last incident.

probably this time round shit got real.

everything was just off.

we were speaking like normal friends than friends who have known each other for more than a decade.

we didn't do much htht but more surface talks.

i've lost htht with my other half, and probably lost it again now with my bff.

it feels like things will nv ever be the same again.

and it will never ever be fixed.

that's really a pity.

i thought nothing would hit us or break us.

maybe this one thing did.

10 years down the road, we wouldn't even rmb what shaped us to what we were today.

wishing for the best for us.

maybe it took me too long to initiate the first step and now it's all too late.

it really is very offff.

oh right, we didn't even thrash things out.

just updates. 

the meet up was short too.

honestly, idk.

anw, met bull after that.

threw myself on him and got a bigg big hug hahaha.

we spent the entire noon together but it felt short?

probably cos we were doing our own stuff.

then we went to walk walk at IMM and JE. 

nothing much.

everything also nothing much nowadays. 

lolol.

i also dk why. 

need something to spark my interest. 

then we drove out to bedok 85 and headed home extremely early.

29 dec was also the day i realised there's only 2 days left to end of year.

something caught my mind up that it wasn't tuned to the right frequency.

it felt that end of year had more days left than just 2. 

2 more days left to end of year, i'm spending these 2 days at home.

sian it is but i chose it.

it feels good to be home after being out for so long. 

but having dragged to do some shitty spring cleaning is not good.

zzzz.

i might regret a little for staying home on 31st, but to imagine myself in that crowd like the 23...i rather not.

and i have no idea where to go either to avoid the crowd.

and...i can't even stay out till past midnight.

lonesome me will be stuck at home watching ny countdowns and others posting their happenings on social media.

low key sianz. 

sighz. 

to make tmr happening in my own tiny world, is highly impossible.

ppl around me aren't party high poopers.

their idea of ny eve is stay home with the tv and pizza. 

my idea of ny eve is party and watch fireworks at midnight.

see the diff.

and that's something that will nv happen.

sad. 

2016.

nothing much.

maybe we matured and grew up from here.

but 2016 hurt deep. 

bye sad year. 

same as everyone out there, we always hope that the following year will be a better year.

my zodiac year. 

ppl always say your own zodiac year tends to be unlucky.

but let's hope it isn't that bad. 

24, that feels old. 

2017. hi. 

not doing ny resolutions cos they are boring.

too much of a norm and who ever fulfils them honestly?