RIP

today has been a very sad day.
since morning. when I learnt about the death of that news. and I could relate.
but all I got was digging at, teasing.
be at time when you are really mad with someone damn goon, I will just keep making fun of you. I'm sure it wouldn't feel good.
today was just so packed. crazily packed.
getting all the misunderstandings, and intentions wronged.
looked forward to end of work so much, because there was finally someone who would be there for me and my cave to hide in.
but it didn't. I just got digged more, not only did I not get the comfort I want, it only got more discomfort.
if it is not you whom I seek for such things, then who do I seek?
is like..for the whole day, I've been trying really so hard, getting things done and rushing everything, hoping to be understood.
all I get is failure, "I hope you learnt your lesson" and all of these ignorance from you.
why couldn't it be, 辛苦你了。。baby don't sad okie..
and that idgaf even tho I tried so hard to come up with analogies.
即使把心掏出来了，你还是不管。也不把我的情绪放在眼里。
看来在你心目中我是那么的无所谓。
I told you about butler, the first thing I get was reprimanded for not getting the name.
instead of poor baby not involved still kenna such things.
I told you how I felt, you disregarded it, you made fun of it. you thought it wasn't impt.
my feelings were just casted aside like a ball.
I told you about the boxes, you said, was it really necessary to have 3 people?
Is comfort really so difficult?
really.. all I wanted from today at the end of the day is just comfort and being comforted and getting tlcs for a day like this.
but I got none..I got all other shit.
it was so hard to be understood by you today, when it shouldn't be the case.
because you would always understand.
because it is you.
you whom would make me feel so much better just by tlcs, hugs. you whom would make me feel so much better cos you would know where I was coming from.
you who would appreciate me and everything else even tho no one would.
but i got all the other shits instead.
speechless. it's off.
do you know how much it hurts while you just threw everything aside.
such irresponsible behaviour that cowards do?
and the worst is your ignorance.
I told you everything, you simply ignored.
did you truly know how sad I was today?
did you truly know how affected I was today?
you didn't. you didn't had a clue.
despite me telling you everything, you didn't feel me and you refused to feel me.
had it be someone else teling you, would you have felt it?
you would.
trust me you would.
I'm really so insignificant even with you.
my feelings doesn't get acknowledged, but laughed at.
I get misunderstood, and you had to make it worst.
you really dgaf about how I felt the entire day.
I told you I was crampy at 1 plus, I repeated 3 times before you responded to me.
what am I really?
that you don't care how I feel, don't step into my shoes to empathise with how I feel.

I really didn't knew, that to be understood was such a difficult task.
I really didn't knew, that to be comforted or wanting to be comforted was such a difficult thing to ask for.
I really didn't knew, that to be asking for tlcs was overly demanding.
I really didn't knew, that to be asking for a comfort zone would be this hard.
j never knew you were such a person, who dgaf. who could sleep and leave your girl like this.
it makes you a shit bf.
I never knew you could be this irresponsible.
horribly irresponsible. never thought I would find someone like that or that he would actually one day be like this.
don't understand nvm, try to be nice about it and don't add shit seriously.
but you had to, and instead of giving tlc and comfort I was seeking for, it had to be worst by getting none and even more shit.