18 May 2017

ultra bad mood

School has been pretty depressing.
Basically everything is I guess.
That includes the radio.
Broadcasting only the sad songs which just makes my mood plunge even more.
The songs makes me want to cry even though they are nice.

You know how for some reason, someone just puts you in a bad mood?
Like you just get irritated etc etc for anything or every single thing they do. and its much better to stay away than worsen everything?
But would they understand the rationale behind it?
Nope.
It’s bad enough having this emotional battle within yourself, but needing to put it in a way that other’s can understand your plight makes it worst and when they can’t understand it doubles up.
Basically, it’s all the little little things that builds up and they just get on your nerves.
简单的言 解开超的心
有些情 该说给 懂的人听

“beneath every peripheral girl is a central truth. She’s hiding it away but at the same time she wants others to see it. A sound waiting to be heard”

When you have plenty drafted out in your mind to say when you meet/talk to the person.
But when you finally met them or talked to them the mood they put you into changes and suddenly it doesn't feel right to speak up all the many drafts you had in your mind. Otherwise it's just the mood changes to you not even feeling like you want to say it anymore and just forget it.
These are the unspoken words and tbh there has been way too many unspoken words whenever the mood gets ruined. 
It is actually quite sickening when you were so bubbly before meeting or speaking and then something just have to come along and kill it. 
Well.

Since a long long time ago, I have always wished that he put in as much effort as he does into the relationship compared to his work and studies. 
I've said it before I'm saying it again.
Best part is, I hate repeating.
If he could just do like 20% CONSISTENTLY, good enough. 
The amount of care given is not zero definitely, but 5%?
Meaning, to care and to put in the effort only when required.
Other times, ignore and leave it.
To raise this issue up and seek for improvement, 1. 100% sure something like... have what got put in effort what who will call during exams blah blah etc etc. 2. Improvement comes but it goes like the bell curve graph. Hit climax and drop down, unsustainable. 
Know it all too well to ask for more.
Hopeless. 
And can brew up a whole list of rebuttal expected to hear. 
-.- okcanfine.
Kthkxbye.

1 week 7 days.
Meeting twice is healthy.
Provided it meets halfway.
Meaning 3.5 days is halfway, so one in mid week and one end week that's OK. 
But one at start and one at tail? 
That isn't very healthy.

Tbh can't say much.
Cos all are bonuses.
Take it or leave it.
Lan lan suck thumb only.
Sometimes it just leaves you in the ultra sian mode that you don't want to give a flying f***
“we all want everything to be okay. We don’t even wish so much for fantastic or marvelous or outstanding. We will happily settle for okay, because most of the time, okay is enough”
settling for okay.  😒😑😕

Rolled my eyes at least 10 times through typing everything above.
What sorcery. 

“such a basic promise, but to a girl, it means the world”
I HATE it UTTERLY, when empty promises are made. Or say, “sounding SO EVER promising”.
And when it is time to confirm the truth, lo and behold!
That sounding promising promise/plan sinks deep down in the ocean, just like your mood.
It is downright sickening, ALL THE TIME.
And nope, I have not gotten used to it a single bit.
And yes, every single time i get damn sulky over it.
UNLESS there’s something done to curb it.

SUPPOSED to be at nlb today.
Guess what?
Stuck at home AGAIN.
Finding the feel to kickstart the bloody brain and mood.
How great.
Congrats me.

“people take love’s continuity for granted. They don’t realize that the best thing about love is its regular presence. Once you can establish that, it’s an added foundation to your life.”
So what happens when the foundation is shaky? Or what happens when the presence is no longer “regular”?
Simple.
Neglected, upset, disappointed, down, depressed, irritated, pissed, hurt.
People are selfish, even in a relationship.


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