music is life xD

valentine's and yukiversary.

2012-02-15T00:50:00.001+08:00

happy valentine's people! (:

7 more minutes before this day ends.

anyway it was like ya, another tuesday but yeah.

kinda prepared surprises for mum and dad and family.

like somehow it became a family thing instead of couple thing.

hehe.

yeap, dad got mum a necklace on his own accord, unlike initially where i was supposed to help him prepare something.

and mum prepared some DIY card too, and a valentine's meal for all of us. hehe.

i was looking all over the three malls in tampines to find the appropriate gift for everyone and my conclusion was that i don't wanna have valentine's day.

it was so damn troublesome and i was so hell clueless as to what to give.

if i had in mine what to get it was all right but then yeap.

kinda missing secondary school on this day.

like we used to exchange gifts and joke around and stuff.

after entering poly, it seems like everyone's got attached or something, then we no longer exchange pressies.

or was it because it was more official?

or maybe it was just cos i have too little friends?

but yeah..

or was it because of that year, that time, that memory, during this day?

but yaa..

14 was valentine's.

15 total defence.

and another important date.

yuki's first death year-versary.

mixed emotions?

maybe it was our first pet, maybe this is the first and probably last time we ever experienced such heart breaks and pains, so it's this date.

like everything was still soo clear now.

but sigh.

i really wonder how jh manages it.

like so many hamsters.

or maybe bff.

i don't know, to me, it's kinda like big thing.

but i admire them for that ability to let it seems okay.

till this date, i still miss him alot at times.

still love him.

that day when jo brought her hammy to school, it brought back a lot of memories.

i actually forgot the feeling of having him in my hands.

playing with him and that scent of his pee and poo.

and when jh post pictures of her hammy too.

i felt happy for them, keke.

cos i knew how much happiness those little things brought to us.

shouldn't reminisce too much eh?

but sigh.

i thought you said 4 years, yuki dear.

anyway, exams coming up.

so mugging.

hwaiting.

stupid bird needs to take flight first.

because otherwise, she wouldn't catch up.

or maybe she should fly at her own pace.

and if she still takes break during her flight,

she knows at the end of the day she won't be that soaring bird that shines.

i wonder how much i can push myself.

super nua and slack and i hate it too.

goodbye january, hello february.

2012-02-01T00:04:00.001+08:00

done printing.

report not done.

delayed for days already.

last day of january.

this month has been fine, like okay lor.

aim for tonight was to tuck in early.

with me typing right now, might be impossible to accomplish.

spent lotsa money eating these days.

had ajisen ytd, pizza hut today.

jia lat.

i've always seen how low income families live, their background, their sorrows, on TV.

not in real life.

not someone i really know who is sooo helpless.

reality hit.

that's how cold, cruel and harsh this world is.

i'm watching my distant relative needing an electric pace maker, irregular heart beat and fainting very often.

when advised to have an operation asap, we could all tell that she is worrying about financial issues.

heart wrenching.

ill but unable to get it treated.

and to save money, she wanted herself discharge that day after she admitted the hospital instead if staying for observations.

that was two days ago.

now she's in the hospital again.

fainted once again.

after admitting, she fainted again while having a nap.

sigh sigh sigh.

she's got three kids all very young to care and provide for.

their family are folding cardboard booklets to earn some extra cash.

it's tough job.

cheap labour.

i can't do anything to help her.

i don't have that much money to help her.

helpless.

reality. is. damn. too. harsh.

all i can do, pray for them.

extremely dislike the feeling of being left out.

sigh.

am i being make used of?

i dislike this too.

i'm really not a ball, nor your source of entertainment know.

we are like friends know.

you don't suka suka bored or facing problems then you look for me, at the other point of times, you just discard at your own convenience.

if like that, why should i be miss nicey and help you out?

sometimes you think you are important to others, your position in their lives might be their last finger.

sometimes you think they need you, but the truth might be they have a lot of other walls to rely on too.

gan.

i give up opinion/substitute job, i wanna find a priority job.

don't wanna be so dumb, don't wanna repeat the mistake twice.

????????

????????????

????????, ?????????

?????, ???????, ??????????????????

CNY (:

2012-01-27T01:03:00.001+08:00

annyeong. (:

CNY now. (:

anyway, have decided not to go for OIPP.

don't really wanna look back and mention it already. (:

sooo happy.

tmr no school (: (: (:

somehow, today was a very happy day. (:

praises and company. (:

CNY was awesome.

i love the lively atmosphere.

i love all the gatherings and dinners and stuff.

many more coming up for the weekend! (:

looking forward.

wish this season never ends.

haha eat, drink, play. (:

school was fun with you around.

trips to school weren't too bored either.

though i had normally spend my time sleeping.

but it's always great to have company.

but but i don't like the barrier.

i don't really like it that i have to behave in a cautious manner.

for fear of any misunderstandings or anything that could lead to something bad.

sometimes i rather stay away.

sometimes it might be a bother but it's still okay.

but as for now, shan't ponder so much.

let's just leave things as they are. (:

2012-01-16T22:58:00.001+08:00

add ons:

by not going, i have a feeling that i'm depriving myself a chance.

missing out an opportunity.

so close to the deadline, so close to a decision, but giving it up?

but asked if there's any regrets, i suppose i had say i gave up a chance to see the world on my own.

i wonder, would it be easier to come up with a decision if dad and mum had the same viewpoint.

if i was brought up in a family who faces financial issues.

that way, a not going had been a not going.

cos you don't have a choice.

it's funny being a human.

when faced with choices, when given a chance to choose, we become vexed.

when faced with no choices at all, we complain too. because it seems like we are forced, no other way out.

and do you know how your words sounded like to me?

like words cutting through my heart.

it hurts, it's depressing, disappointing.

and how many times today, after that, have i stopped them from flowing out?

soon, they will be free to run.

i wanna sleep early, feel like shutting myself from the reality.

it's just an OIPP, why the troubles and unhappiness?

if there's one happy one, it'd be a miracle.

2012-01-16T21:15:00.001+08:00

discussions that never ever went on smoothly.

not once.

before anything, before i start the discussion, i thought there's still some hope.

that maybe, i can sound it through.

time and again, i realise there's no such thing.

you seem to like to give people false hope, get them creating their little bubble, get their hopes up.

then suddenly coming back using your horns to burst their bubble.

i should have realised right?

shouldn't even have initiated nor think about since expectant of the conclusion.

should have known it all, really.

should have known that life is always unfair.

for me, yeah, everything had be a NO.

doesn't it seems like the case always?

for sis, there'd still be this: yeah, i give you the permission to go.

for me, it's just all discouraging words, all pessimistic opinions, dismissing it all.

crushing all my hopes.

sometimes, i don't see the point of all the pessimism.

in everything, there will be its pros and cons.

this is something you have to understand.

somehow, you can have everything twisted and there comes more cons than pros.

it's not that i really wanna go that badly, but i suppose it is really a learning opportunity.

and yeah, it's something i can do without, something that's optional.

i was so glad that i've finally made up my mind this afternoon, stop vexing.

now, seems like there's no difference at all.

i would rather you give me your point of view right at the beginning, than to seem as though you are interested and supportive, then suddenly discouraging and dismissive.

i suppose things would have been better if you weren't so quick to dismiss it all, and not always ending up with this same old sentence: it's up to you, if that's your choice i can't do anything about it either.

if that's the point, do you think you would be happy if i went against your wishes to do what i want?

pardon me but seriously, in my case, it's better for me to be unhappy than for her to be unhappy because things had been blown up big.

you know how a MINOR issue can actually spark off quarrels and debates?

not to mention this, it's nothing MINOR.

it's actually kinda major to me though.

i can expect everything already, if i actually planned to go along with how i felt.

if anything happen, she'd say: you decided that you wanna go.

so all responsibilities lies in me. i would've become the one at fault for everything.

sometimes opinions doesn't helps.

some who doesn't really cares, some who doesn't really give constructive opinions.

so end of the day, you are the sole one again.

optimism please, not pessimism.

2012-01-16T00:49:00.001+08:00

i think i'm damn tired but im not sleeping.

an hour ago, i was so sure i'd be watching RM.

right now, i've just completed my report.

first week of school.

was bad.

complications.

all of a sudden, everything seems to be rushing in.

none of our capacity big enough to fill.

at times i wish that i wouldn't think so much.

wish that things had be simpler.

wished that i was still a kid.

apparently, i'm not.

you dug out shit for yourself, you clean it up on your own.

that's how we deal with things now.

no one there to help you, nor to save you.

this world i realise, is a much too complicated place for me to be in, really.

who knew one little issue could spark off so much.

regrets.

too late for regrets.

own up, deal with it.

OIPP OIPP OIPP.

to go or not to go?

three days of consideration has got me nowhere.

of course, i've got the freedom to choose.

i'm vexed and confuse.

you know, it's not as easy as saying, yeah i wanna go.

or no, i don't.

there's really too much factor to bring in and consider.

yes, it's a life time opportunity.

but is it really worthwhile to go?

3 months, no joke.

all alone.

and i'm doubting my abilities to handle them alone.

money may and may not be a factor, but being able to afford it doesn't really mean you have to go.

first week of school, i'm feeling all the stress and competitiveness going on.

attachement, OIPP, assignments.

feels like it's all about grades isn't?

ppl who have done really well, but still enforcing and reinforcing about pushing themselves more.

it's stressful to just hear about it.

OIPP, major decision.

and anyway, it marks the end of one week.

it's gone so fast and next week is just right ahead.

hopefully i don't screw anything up and don't be a bitch about anything.

somehow, i realise, that i really dislike LOL.

you tell people something you really meant from the bottom of your heart, or tell them serious matter, then they just "LOL" at your face.

so as much as i can, i block that word outta my view in every conversation.

and somehow too, i dislike people who don't reply to my messages. or anything.

just one reply, it isn't hard to ask for eh?

try as i might, i would always reply as soon as i receive it for fear that the other person might dislike what i dislike too.

ever since that incident, i really felt that way.

felt like i'm that as how it's described.

and at times, i hate it too.

hate myself for that.

this whole week, i've been trying to get my optimism back.

as soon as i get it back, it's replaced with pessimism again.

2012-01-10T21:54:00.001+08:00

pardon me for today.

results are out.

how should i be feeling?

disappointed? sure, there will be.

demoralised?

i don't know.

nervous before knowing, peaceful after knowing, though it's not like I've achieved very good grades.

reflections reflections.

where have all those "i wanna work harder" gone to?

why and how do i come upon such grades?

what did i do?

honestly speaking, you did not put in your best effort.

just adequate, but not enough.

so we gotta plan, we can't let the GPA stay there like that.

but talk no action, no use.

BUCK UP.

if people getting As and still not satisfied, still not contented, i don't know what else to say.

or perhaps i should think of it this way: they might not have done up to expectations.

which explains the disappointment.

i told myself not to compare, what am i doing now?

can't help but feel really low in spirits.

can't help but let my confidence slip away.

i know i can never ever beat that, but i should at least live up to my own expectations.

and it really doesn't help knowing i'm the worse and all.

you don't know how much this sucks.

whenever knowledge is in the game.

you can say nothing but just watch and reflect.

????????

????????????????

just need to be alone right now.

straighten out thoughts, no interruptions.

done with ramblings.

i will learn to be stronger.

2012-01-09T00:46:00.003+08:00

first day of school for me tmr.
that 9am, that peak hour, that early morning call. =.=

I enjoyed today very much. (:
it was well balanced. (:
did school work, went out with mum and had major gathering with grandpa's side.
they pre ordered the dishes and they were served one by one and there were surprises after one another.
all yummy dishes.
awesome. (:
5 tables reserved in a restaurant. (:
I love my big big family.
and I'm very thankful for the asserts left by great granma, letting her younger generations have the luck to enjoy such great food and the time spent together as one.
for many years to come, let's hope this luck be with us. (:

every time we see each other, is like we wanna say so much but nope.
is like hey, we've met before,, like hey, how are you.
I feel like I've known you since my last life.
there's just that chemistry. I dunno.
I'm thankful to have all there nice guys here with me.
they are awesome peeps I don't wanna lose.

love Marin so much.
really fun to play with her.
And totally love it that she knows who am I, knows that she can depend on me and I can be her playing mate.
love you baby. <3

2012-01-08T01:32:00.002+08:00

popped my head outta the window.
felt the breeze.
pretty cooling.
then many thoughts hit me.
somehow.
nights like this brings back certain thoughts.
it hasn't rained for quite some time.
heat has been killing these days.
mind is stuck with yesterday.
I'm very very very grateful for everything.
thank you very much cos I know it was the best I could ever wish for.
thanks for the company, thanks for the people.
you all made my day though it was damn tiring, added fun to it, made it mine.
though I thought I had faced some threat, you guys still brought laughter and happiness. (:
I felt protected in my own bubble which felt simply awesome. (:
a brother, a friend, strangers.
now I'm really glad and thankful for how it was.
I enjoyed myself very much.
gomawo once again. (:

the last day of 2011. (:

2012-01-04T00:03:00.001+08:00

the last day of 2011. (:

was damn loving it. (:

simply awesome! (:

kekekeke. ^^

out with gran and godma's family to dine. (:

ordered many yummy yummy dishes which includes chilli crab, spicy baby squid, peking duck and beer! (:

all dishes that goes well with beer.

it was great.

drink drank drunk. ^^

after filling stomach, suggested to go for a walk. (:

headed over to changi beach. (:

WATCHED PLANES FLYING OVER ABOVE MY HEAD!!!!!!! (: (: (:

shouted and jumped like a crazy as it flew pass us and landed at the airport.

and damn the airport was JUST RIGHT BEHIND like THAT close and we could SEE the PLANES LAND!!!!

bade goodbye to relatives but still very very high.

granma bade goodbye like this: shouting BYEEEEEEEEE~ and saying happy new year!!!!!!!!!!! and ended with a WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO~

hahahahahahahaha my granny. (:

she didn't drink also so high.

muahahahhaa love her soo much and really glad i spent the last day with her!!!!! (: (: (:

still, walking around was apparently not enough for me and i wanted to use this opportunity that i was around that vicinity to see as much planes as possible. ^^

cheeky hor.

soo we went detouring around changi area, around the fencing of the airport, driving at 40 km/hr on the road. (:

guess what??

we were driving PARALLEL TO THE RUNWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

damn cool pleaseeeeeeeeee! (:

watching planes take off, BUT not in airport! (:

it was the coolest ever and i must have been soooooooooo crazy.

sight of plane, scream, sight of plane going to take off/ at the airport, scream also.

muahahahahaha. =DD

was seriously sooooooo happy smiling all the way through smiling like there's no tomorrow, smiling till my mouth ached.

SMILING EVEN AS I TYPED DOWN THESE MEMORIES. (:

really wish these memories stay with me forever and ever.

cos it was toooo dark at night and though the lights from the planes were very bright, i wasn't able to capture them down on my phone cam. ):

and the process, that feeling of watching them, that feeling you get when they are RIGHT ABOVE you, you can't capture them down either.

can only capture them in your mind and heart. (:

love those moments A LOT, i have no idea why.

it was the happiest last day of 2011. (:

came back for countdown.

some programmes were interesting some were not.

singapore ones were boring so went to taiwan and HK and china one.

changed here and there. (:

he sent a message!!!!!!!!!

was so damn touched but feeling so stupid cos he probably sent to everyone else too.

but still, thank you though you will never ever read this. ^^

last day of 2011, it has been a happy and great and awesome day that i enjoyed so very much. (: <3

2011-12-27T02:16:00.001+08:00

I'm lying down on my bed and i can't breathe. My two nostrils are so congested i can't do anything about it.
Can't smell anything, can't sleep cos i have to breathe through my mouth, which is difficult.
Should visit the doctor very soon since its been like this for quite some time.
Should really get some sleep soon cos gotta be up early tmr.
Time seems to have stopped since i came back from holiday.
Doing nothing much waking up late slacking at home but feeling so tired at bedtime i dunno why.
Its 2am and nose please be nice to me.

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2011-12-27T02:15:00.001+08:00

Late post: (was supposed to be posted on the 16 Dec)
Common test is like over!!!!! (:(:(:
Not forgetting that there's still exam. But still. (:(:(:
And not forgetting that I'll be overseas in another country tonight!!!
Damn awesome. Happppy. (:(:
I survived this week. (:(:
Up at 6 plus everyday. Bedtime at 12 plus. (:
Time to enjoy myself.
Lunch, last minute packing. Just few more hours before flying off. ((:

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jingle bells jingle bells!

2011-12-25T00:18:00.001+08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!

tis the season to be jolly falalalallalalalalallalalala. (:

joyous occasion uh!

christmas dinner at evening!

exchanging of presents!

looking forward! (:

gran's ytd.

gooddies for kiddies at grans. (:

prepared m&m's and some sweet delights for them.

am back from shanghai.

it was really cold, like single digit but fun in overall. (:

too lazy to upload any pictures on my blog, which explains all the wordy essays.

souvenirs and xmas cum new year gifts for friends!

wanna give it to them real soon. (:

kinda feverish and had running tap and block nose on christmas eve.

not a very great way to celebrate christmas, but still, i will get the best outta it.

will have myself recovered.

don't wanna miss any feasting on this occasion!

okay ciao.

might blog very soon. (:

education, common test.

2011-12-14T00:36:00.001+08:00

you know how great that feeling was after bpharm paper today?

AWESOME-NESS.

really.

two papers per day, for two days.

enough to kill.

all heavy duty.

really glad it's over.

but shouldn't be too glad either, cos there's 3 more papers.

i believe this week will pass very very soon.

just 3 more days, i will be away.

i've never wanted friday to come so desperately before.

friday marks the start of holiday, fridays marks the end of holiday, friday will be the day i get to enjoy myself overseas.

REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO IT.

waking up at 615 tmr.

it's okay.

worth it for the final lap of tmr's paper.

today too.

bear with it, it isn't so bad, it's just beneficial for myself.

positive. (:

not bad, been really positive this week. (:

tmr, gonna come home and pack my luggage.

then study.

it's been like this these days.

morning wake up, daily routine, study, examination, lunch, study in school, home and dinner, study.

there's a change tmr. (:

come back and lunch. (: then pack bag. kekekkeke.

then study.

seriously damn excited i dunno why.

can't wait can't wait can't wait. ^^

dear stamina and immune system, we've been through so much.

you won't fail me right?

we are gonna survive these days.

we are strong enough to handle the stress, and load, i believe.

so please stay strong okay, cos i will. (:

i shouldn't comapre with all my friends, GPA 3.5 and above, distinctions and stuff.

i should just compare with me myself right?

whatever they do, it doesn't matter.

what matters is that i did put in effort, i did studied, i did up to my expectations.

true?

really shouldn't stress myself over the rate that they are revising and stuff.

we are all different individuals.

they are able to score well because they are hardworking.

i'm not that hardworking, i just work up to my limits.

and my limits aren't able to reach their level.

so yeap. (:

i will just focus on memememmememme, though definitely, their attitudes and behaviour will still affect me somehow.

STRESS ESP.

hwaiting!

friday! (:

2011-12-06T21:32:00.001+08:00

no one is blogging anymore.

here i am.

it's been a while.

CT coming like really soon.

it's like the more i look forward to my trip, the more the exams will be here. ):

and i look at that thing i bought, the more i wanna go for my trip.

CANNOT WAIT.

to go for the trip, i have to complete checkpoint first, get it done with.

geez.

why? am i not as hardworking as others?

youtellmewhy?

why is studying so tough?

don't you wish you had the brain of a genius?

okay that's kinda impossible, but a brain that absorbs and memorises and stores things better.

and okay, instead of sitting here complaining, i'm gonna work harder.

not empty talking.

gonna stay back tmr to study.

it's not efficient at all studying at home.

i barely completed half the chapters tested for a single module.

there's 6 more to cover.

hwaiting, i can do this.

pen down my thoughts

2011-11-28T01:00:00.001+08:00

so here we are reminding ourselves that exams are near, exam are near.

but no action has been put in yet.

everyday is just tired like some stupid shit i wonder when will i ever get my engine starting.

it just seems that from that very start, i was numbed with everything.

reality will hit soon, and you will realize you have to get things started.

it seems like with twitter, the lesser i blog?

air is still tonight.

hot and sunny was the weather for singapore today.

i love weathers with winds and cooling temperature without the sun and rain. (:

there's some things that can't be posted here.

hmm many things though.

but is all right.

we just get it over.

last night, or last last night, the night sky was so dark and clear that there were so many many stars.

and at that precise moment, a plane took off and flew over my piece of sky. (:

that moment, was so memorable.

at that moment, i was soo happy. (:

if everyday, every moment could be like that.

happiness is within us, though.

jiahui's hammy just passed away. ):

this reminded me a lot about the times i had with mine too.

and the pain after he left.

su shan asked me alot of times: don't wanna keep another hammy any more?

don't want.

losing snowy once, then yuki another.

i think it's enough in my lifetime.

even now, let's see, 9 months after his death, it still kinda hurts when you think back of all the memories we had together.

yes, it doesn't reply to your questions, but it's still a living object.

his 1st anniversary will be here soon.

the missing gets lesser, but its still there at random times.

but for now, yuki, i still miss and love you.

and i'm missing some idiot pig who is away for her 2nd week of immersion.

that day, somehow, 15th rings a bell, like something were to happen that day.

now, i realised, it was yuki.

are you reminding me yuki?

if yes, thanks dear. <3

2011-11-20T00:19:00.001+08:00

really very unprepared for work tmr.

time, attire, venue.

all known but alot loopholes here and there.

i should be studying else doing some assignments or report but apparently, i'm wasting my night away.

2011-11-20T00:06:00.001+08:00

i don't know why i've not been blogging recently.

too busy?

not sure.

dim sum trial.

we won! (:

seriously damn shocked.

it's like teacher wanted us to get best innovating award, but that was the first award announced and it was taken by other schools.

so we were like, maybe we won't get anything.

then after 3/4 awards, there came best design thinking award.

and we got it!

after that was erm..oh, first runner up.

then grand winner.

and the MC was like: the grand winner goes to. defu food industry.

in our minds were like: DEFU?? US?? ISIT US??

then waiting for the MC to complete their sentences: nanyang poly, otah delight.

us: REALLY? IT'S US!!! WOOHOOO WE WON. OMFG. IT'S REALLY US.

please, REALLY REALLY DAMN NOT EXPECTED.

and it's like a minute before we sat down, we were still shocked over the fact that we won AN AWARD.

less than a minute later, we were called up again.

now i know what's tears of joy.

now i was what's really overjoyed.

i will really never ever forget this damn awesome feeling of winning something and being called onto the stage.

a pity, it wasn't broadcast over the news.

we did NYP proud! (:

and kaya team also!!!

like outta 7 awards, we claimed three of them!

aren't we awesome?? kekeke.

FINALLY WATCHED "YOU ARE THE APPLE OF MY EYE"!!!!!!!!!!

FREAKING AWESOMEEEE!!!!!!!!!

still loving the theme song though i've heard it over and over again even before the movie was on.

it was soo hilarious and though it's a love story, it wasn't that you know, erm "love story-ey", more of inspirational/ like got hidden meaning kinda thing.

yaaaa i dunno how to phrase it luh.
but watch it!!!

still got breaking dawn and one day and "yi pao er hong"!!

many many movies coming up and wanna watch seriously!

"yi pao er hong" the trailer superrrrrrrrrrr hilarious also.

breaking dawn likea EXCITING ONLY!!!

really really wonder how they are going to act out that whole part where bella was pregnant.

i hope they really make it good.

like this "BAM" impact.

grandma's 70 birthday today!!!!!!!

got her pressiess. (: (: (:

and hope she really like her presents!

work tmr, not so prepared for it.

like all so impromptu.

really dislike.

so many points in the day, i wished that sis was here.

no doubt missing her, but i have to learn how to work and survive without her.

she's like my soulmate.

that day when she left, i felt really damn sad thinking that i wouldn't have someone here virtually to share my things with.

happiness, ramblings, sadness, angriness,.

totally cried my heart out. and ouch it hurts so much.

i will try, we can do it.

6 weeks without her.

first week has passed.

like the awards ceremony, she was the first one i wanna scream at that we won.

like gran's birthday, i was thinking if she was there, she would be the one taking pictures not me.

and she would be here with us enjoying the fun too.

sigh.

and it gets irritating with long distance calls cos she's there blabbering blabbering and blabbering non stop, no full stop and it's real noisy when we cut in and ending up two of us talking at the end of each line.

then dad and mum asks questions that she has already told me, just that i haven't got time to told them, and tells her things that she confirm, i know she confirm know how to do one.

like waste time and money only leh.

talk main point, ask impt stuff, share somethings, done.

simple?

aiya, cannot be bothered.

just voice out.

i don't have to ask everything.

you were supposed to tell me all, i thought?

i hate this hot-cold, hot-cold feeling.

you don't make me feel worth it all.

a tit for a tat.

SOOOO HAPPY IT'S OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-11-07T01:28:00.001+08:00

good morning!

it's 1am in the morning, i've yet to sleep. (:

happy night out with family at town! (:

had a yummy dinner at beach road hawker centre with loads of food ordered. (:

then headed over to ION to stock up Nespresso capsules, and to get their limited edition capsule.

walked along the streets, window shopping, isetan, taka.

and back to prologue for BOOKS. (: (: (:

the book that i wanted was ONLY $10!!!

keke special offer. ^^

but i didn't bought it, cos my dear "one day" has yet to be completed.

i will complete it.

SOON.

keke.

"and then it happened" by linda green is motivating me to complete "one day".

plus i wanna watch the movie!!!!!!

hehe i've posted this picture before.

and ???,?????????aka you are the apple of my eye.

the theme song is really really nice.

??? by ??. (:

anyway, big day on friday is over!!!!!

feeling a great big relief after that very day.

totally a burden off.

sooooo GLAD it's over.

no more dim sum trials! (:

and presentation.

wahahahaha. =DDD

but we are planning to prepare a special celebration dinner for all our teachers and seniors who have helped us out in this BIG project. (: (: (:

sounds super fun.

we were planning and organising the menu, ingredients to buy, what to cook, who prepare what.

EXCITED!!!! =DDD

plus, to show our appreciation to the design school students who helped us out in our design packaging, we are cooking up some dishes for them too!!

but on a different day with our teachers. (:

the FS family. <3

geez, design school big project too.

imagine, cooking up 8 dishes from sides to main to desserts, but portion size of 60 plus people.

faints.

how to cook uh?

keke but i suppose kaya team and dim sum team can manage!

woots. =DD

haha so late already still so high.

oh noo.

anyway, replenishing sleep these days.

close to three weeks of waking at 5.30, 6am everyday.

wearing long pants and covered shoes and hair net and lab coat.

you know how thankful and appreciative i am for this long weekend?

it's really DAEBAK JJANG!!!

sleeping till the sun is up up up high in the sky, then i'm up.

kekekeke.

SHIOK. AWESOME!

then slacking and no more rushing and staying late.

really really happy that it's all over!! (:

hehe, just packed my table ytd.

now, it's messy again.

oops. ^^

will tidy it again tmr. ^^

oh yeahhhh.

tmr holiday in lieu. and we've got some programmes planned! (:

was supposed to join aunt for full day itinerary, but we ended joining them after lunch.

guess it's all right.

anyway! heading over to the singapore arts science museum at MBS tmr!

i'm sure it will captivate me. (: (: (:

going over there for some titanic exhibition.

read up about it. it sounds VERY VERY VERY COOL!!!!!!

so absolutely totally looking forward to tmr. =DDD

and i'm wondering where will we be having our dinner.

me super like this kinda activity day out with everybody. (:

like a fun only. (:

hopefully, able to meet with BFF this week.

wanna hear from her and update and receive my present from korea! =DD
love her many many! <3 <3 <3

just some thoughts.

unsure if it is impossible, but if it was, if i knew, i would have gave up long time ago.

it makes no sense hanging on and waiting and it's always me starting a convo.

you have to know that if it was the case everytime, i get sick and tired of it too.

it's just plain boring, like i'm the one trying to hang onto you and stuff.

takes two hands to clap, okay.

but, why am i angry with you anyway?

it sucks that you have been on my mind and even my dreams.

i don't want to miss you so much like i'm some despo freak or something.

let fate do the work, we stay and watch.

if it's meant to be, it will come eventually.

else, that's it.

just, let it go.

don't let yourself be so miserable and pathetic and all.

but hmmm, sigh.

talk easy, action difficult.

2011-11-01T18:17:00.001+08:00

Waiting for papa now.
Am bored.
Just ended sensory for dim sum.
It was fun but tiring. (:
Had fun playing with seniors in there. Keke.
Its only Tuesday but once again, i feel drained out already.
I dunno if i should hope that things work out right, cos I'm really tired of it.
Its like you are not tired, but i am.
You wanna play, ownself play.
I'm sian already.
Even if things do work out, the hurt has already been inflicted. And you don't get to turn things back.

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my sunday.

2011-10-31T00:43:00.001+08:00

i'm tired.

no rest this week.

weekends choing trial and presentation.

should be sleeping now.

we always say alot of should this and that, but in then end we don't end up getting them done.

i like how today was like.

woke up when the sun was up.

gotten adequate amount of sleep though still tired.

met up and had lunch though i wasn't very hungry.

we got our work done, by 4 plus.

it's good luh. meeting up and getting stuff done.

returned home and changed into my dear slippers which i haven't worn them for what felt like zillion years.

out again with family for dinner.

was still very very full by dinner time, so had chicken wings and then kope some food here and there.

keke.

grocery shopping at simei, then pump petrol, then headed home.

it's like a full day, but i like the way how it is planned.

timing was okay, just nice for this and that, and we got things done. (:

i have no idea what to wear to school tmr.

like sian.

long pants again. ):

anyway, dad say that we aren't going to shanghai anymore. ):

disappointment will be there, but what to do?

timing don't match at all.

then my 3 weeks of research during the holidays gone just like that. ):

and won't be able to experience 8 degrees and colder, won't be able to wear that pretty coat for that cold weather. ):

malaysia is fine as well.

i'm just disappointed that my research has gone to waste and experience is gone and waste money buy winter jacket.

having the luck to go overseas is better than not going anywhere right?

yeap. (:

thinking of next week, which is actually here already, is also very sian.

full week, loaded with stuff.

i hope i manage it well.

but for now, i'm not gonna think about it.

one step at a time then.

i know that if i don't sleep any sooner, tmr will be shag max.

but i wanna sit here and type.

though i know it's only 5 hours of sleep if i sleep by 1am.

did you went today?

i think soo.

cos you spoke about the heat.

i said leave it to fate, hmm, apparently.

because i missed the chance, it might or might not appear again.

and if you did went, my regret had be deeper.

like why did i miss the call, why did i not feel the vibration, why did i leave the room just 2 mins before the call, why hadn't i replied and see the message sooner.

if you are meant to be given up, i will.

but nan bogoshipo, so orturkeh?

what should i do?

WAIT.

then probably telling myself, it's another _____ afterall..

mido.

but were you expecting me?

were you all expecting me?

i don't know, but i do know that i wish to see all of you again.

kundeh, what difference does it make?

will it make any difference?

probably. probably not.

let's smile and move on, who knows?

we might be over it soon, right? (:

2011-10-30T12:53:00.001+08:00

Seeing that I'm not sleeping through the ride, I'm might as well blog.
Oh well, on 969 now.
I'm bored.
Its as crowded though its a weekend. ): ): ):
Its still a long way to my destination. ):
Probably feeling sulky cos its weekends and I'm out to get some stuff done. ):
Plus heading back to school area which is very very very sian.
But should have known luh, since its always been the case.
Hopefully things get down quickly and stuff.
Geez.
Sigh.

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2011-10-28T23:23:00.001+08:00

im done with my report.

im tired.

i wasn't tired in the afternoon for some reasons.

probably due to green tea consumed.

i slept for just 4 hours last night.

i survived my friday.

it's TGIF, but apparently not for us.

its fml.

i went to cc's blog, it was like a lesson, it felt very true very realistic very personal, but it's just how things are, how people feel.

it's their blog so we don't judge.

i went to jiahui's blog, it was happy with all her outings with people.

i like. (:

and some of her posts, i agree too.

sis blog was an update.

had htht with her last night, superb awesome.

and this was why i slept so little too.

but it's worth it.

points that had to be shared, points and certain views agreed, comments and advices given.

i really like this kinda thing.

makes you bond and feel closer to one another.

i went to BFF's blog, i know definitely for sure i would see PANDAS there.

and confirm very happening one.

oh yeap, whatsapp with bff on someday this week.

keke really great though we don't get to see each other, but still get updates! (:

i went to shuya's blog, seems like it has already been isolated for a long time.

my blog, i'm here to add on more ramblings.

it's my blog so i blog about what i want.

and to what my friend has said, i agreed 100%.

i've feedbacks that my blog always emo, always sad post, always on the negative side.

well, my blog.

that's me, i'm grouchy i'm moody i'm complain complain complain ramble ramble ramble.

what to do?

born this way.

by RIGHT, this new sem, we've only got TWO DAYS that requires us to wear LONG PANTS.

thanks to the project, my friends and i ended up wearing long pants for the WHOLE WEEK.

AND SATURDAY TOOOO.

oh but then no choice hor right?

i'm really really really THANKFUL for that day off on deepavali.

i just got well last weekend, and somehow not so well on monday again.

thanks to the break, i get to recuperate more and be really back to myself.

ELSE, today sure shag max, mood lousy to the core.

not forgetting that tmr is a WEEKEND, a SATURDAY, and we have to return to SCHOOL.

AND SUNDAY TOO.

for discussion of presentations.

NEXT WEEK, monday mini presentation, tuesday sensory trial, wednesday submit sample, thursday confirm got things on, forgotten what for now, friday BIG PRESENTATION BIG DAY.

and then in between the weeks, there's probably another trial to run too.

head big.

you know, suddenly all the tension rising. all the stress choing in, taking up every part of your body.

the kind like, so many things its so depressing like got something supressing on your chest feeling.

you know right?

it's okay, i will deal with it.

some issues have been settled, but.

i don't know.

think i'm done here, i very very very tired.

i hear thunder i hear lightning where is rain?

weather has been pretty unpredictable these days..

but i like how the temperature has decreased.

very comfortable.

no needa on fan.

2011-10-24T00:06:00.002+08:00

Feeling pretty much like an old lady now.
Slept enough for today but still felt tired even though it was just 2100 just now.
Still having this Weird feeling near my chest diaphragm stomach area.
Too much vomiting I suppose.
Close to 12 hours, 15-30 mins interval each time.
Not to mention with high fever of 39.8.
Thinking back, I wondered how I survived.
Prayers then, it must be.
But it was hell that I would never ever wanna experience again.

Anyway, have been feeling a sudden of coldness and hotness now that I'm well.
Dislike this feeling.
Still trying to get my appetite back.
And still, like an old lady, I get breathless when I speak too fast or walk too fast.
Still in the state of recovery?
But whichever, I'm trying to get my 'qi' back.
But too heaty not good either.
Soo, kinda annoying.

Gotta be up at six tmr.
I really really dislike it.
I really really dislike waking up when the sun isn't up yet.
Makes me feel that I'm toooooo early for the day.
Sigh.
Complain what?
That's my life that's my routine, well, I have to deal with this crappy shit.
Now i wonder, how the hell on earth did I manage to get up at 5.30am during sec days???
And dong until evening plus school work and tests and exams.
Must be crazy.
Else now aging already.
Now whenever lessons end early, I had go out for a little while, then get home and sleep.

Went out to celebrate sis birthday today.
Visitedma restaurant at liang court, not bad.
Recommended.
We ordered many many dishes and the bill wasn't even up to $100 for 5 of us.
Plus free flow of drinks, no service gst charge.
It's a jap cum Italian restaurant.
Name was too long to rmb.
Accompanied sis to Chinatown to get some souveneirs for her buddies too.
Sian already cos been there many times while I was guiding.
Ooo, for the first time ever, I took train to Clarke quay.
Awesome DAEBAk.
It's like: ooo, is is where I wanna hang out next time.
I've been hearing so much of it, seeing so much of it but not been there exactly.
Coool place to hang out. (:
And I felt like I was a tourist in Singapore.
Totally superb, (:
Don't you like that feeling, when you are like a tourist when you are here in Singapore?

Okay, need sleep urgently.
Quick post.
Annyeong.

2011-10-21T22:35:00.001+08:00

annyeong.

sick right now.

i've never ever felt so weak in my entire life.

puking for 12 hours straight without any food or water.

totally fml.

it's like every 15-30 mins interval, visit toilet.

drink one sip of water, the next moment you will see me in the bathroom.

plus it was so so so so cold like ice cold cos i was having a fever.

and then it was so so so hot like a furnace cos i was having a fever.

39.8 was my highest record.

i've never felt so sick before.

it's like back to pri 2.

i remembered feeling so weak that i needed daddy to carry me on his back to the clinic cos i was so feverish i didn't had strength to walk anymore.

today, i was so weak and strength-less that mum had to help me with walking.

although the clinic was just opposite my house, but it felt like miles away.

seriously.

i dislike being like this, not that i want it.

and when i wanted to speak, it was all gibberish.

no proper sentences, short weak and quiet voice.

anyway, feeling much much better now.

but my appetite is still not gone.

only ate a few mouthfuls of lunch and dinner.

though puking has stopped already.

and there's this after effect of the puking.

stomach hurts like mad like it's been flipped over and over again.

like your heart and tummy and whatever are cramped up all together.

before you said anything like that, have you ever thought of how i felt?

do you think you are the only one suffering over there?

should i head over to school to show how am i suffering too?

lol wts.

monday blues

2011-10-17T23:41:00.001+08:00

feeling very poor today.

brought a hundred out, $52 spent for concession, $20 plus was for shoes, $30 was for allowance.

just like that, $100 flew away.

then, looking back at my working schedule, i didn't earn much even though i worked for 6 days.

it's like, really hard earned money.

and i really really need to save money.

cos i've lost my ipod once again.

geez speaking of which, it's like our family isn't fated to own any MP3 and stuff like that, cos the previous one got lost too.

sooo am trying to save up to get another one.

sigh. =/

on top of that, what about shopping? buying my stuff and stuff?

not enough money uh..

need$$$$$$.

daddy himself has got enough money,

me no money.

but anyway, it was fun hanging out with ml, jh and jo at town.

it was really nice.

keke finally bought my shoe. (: (: (:

and bought my shorts at cache cache.

we spent a long long time there trying to figure out what to buy and what's best of all the things in there.

lunch was at cafe cartel.

superb.

$9.50 nett for a main, a drink, a soup and garlic bread.

awesome deal. (:

and i was quite full by the end of the meal.

daebak. (:

not gonna work tmr.

and then i seeing all my friends posting stuff about it.

jealous much?

geez.

and i really really dislike it when people have the time to reply others and not you.

cos we can be taken for granted?

wts.

papa taking leave tmr, and he wants to send me to school. (:

and we're all going for a movie after everyone has dismissed from school.

cool.

hope it will be a good one.

don't end up like the smurfy time.

anyway, i think everyone was like a cui in school today.

first day of school.

tired max.

really really tired.

it's like all the words associated with tiredness combined together, that level of tiredness.

weary, worn out, lethargic, burned out, exhausted, tired..

jia hui said that my eyes were kinda swollen.

like what??

then cc had major dark circles underneath her eyes.

i think that mine isn't any better..

jh's eyes were kinda swollen too i think.

class actually ended at 9.30 today.

first day of school.

sigh.

like waste time.

half an hour of lecture, waiting for an hour or so, ended up the next lesson cancelled.

so off to city we go. (:

tmr better be a better day with proper lectures conducted.

because if it weren't, i would have DEEPLY REGRET not skipping school to help out at work cos ryu is desperate for people.

and there i am wasting my time in school IF tmr happens to have lessons cancelled etc.

off to bed i go.

eyes snapping shut.

and finally, sun is up when im up tmr.

P.S have i fallen for you?

jie lin will get over it soon right?

japan guiding.

2011-10-16T23:12:00.001+08:00

i'm tired.

really really tired.

aching all over like an old lady.

my thigh, my calves, my shoulders, my back, my neck.

everywhere.

8.15 am in the morning, at all the different meeting locations given.

which meant waking up at 5.30am for many days.

and the annoying thing is that i will never see the lit up sky when i wake up for a long time till next weekend. =/ =/ =/

squeezing with people, peak hour. all which are hated max.

ije, it's like an empty shell.

really.

experience it someday.

eyes opening, seeing things.

but the brain is totally dead.

people talk to you, yeah, can hear.

but totaly not registering what they were talking about.

talking gibberish, and being crazy are just ways of showing your tiredness and to try not to let exhaustion get in your way.

i didn't had a proper farewell.

but as i said, it's all about fate.

santo, ding xiong, takuya, ben and those 4/6 of them.

annyeong.

so long, farewell.

one was that it wasn't proper.

the rest was like we missed each other just by that bit?

or probably not.

yeah fate fate fate fate.

shouldn't have took you in.

shouldn't have seen all those.

because they were once memories.

and because we are bound to get reminded of.

it's just, a pity.

communication was an obstacle, language was the barrier, getting to locations were the challenge.

what makes your effort and the whole thing worth it are the smiles and satisfaction and appreciation of your group members after the whole day.

when we have all enjoyed our time together, shared our joy and laughter.

i will miss all of them.

everyone in my team.

but as me, i know it will be over soon.

if friendships were long lasting.

too vulnerable.

2011-10-13T21:30:00.001+08:00

the need to blog.

you can choose not to read this.

i'm seriously, just gonna vent everything.

the need to report to work by 8.15am tmr.

the need to find my way to york hotel, which i have absolutely no idea HOW.

with the exception that i have the knowledge that it is located behind GWP hotel.

AND that it is close to far east plaza.

i've been to that hotel before, but not on my own.

i was with my family then.

irritating max.

ending point would be sentosa, which means a long way to travel back home.

FML.

one, i'm worried about making my way to the location, both of them.

HOWEVER, THANKFULLY, very thankful about this, is that i found someone to locate the place together.

AT LEAST I'M NOT ALONE.

the fear of getting lost alone and not knowing the way.

two, i'm dreading the timing.

meeting my friend at 7.40am at orchard MRT.

crazy or what?

loathe waking up when the sky is still dark and stuff.

it's irritating.

swear swear swear.

three, i'm very vexed over what to wear.

it's like, city area.

okay, everyone knows there's this unspoken rule about the dressing in city.

sensible, proper, pretty, up to date.

you don't dress up in shorts and slippers right?

and then there's sentosa, where you go there in like beach wear???

so it's like, how do i combine all these together, plus the dress code that the company has given?

which is no shorts, no slippers.

which means jeans and covered shoes. (note the fact that singapore's weather is H-O-T, and doing guiding in long pants. i will get heat stroke.)

i've worn all my pretty clothes this week, and they are still drying.

now what?

wear a dress?

is that sensible?

i'm still figuring it out.

fourth, something worth getting annoyed over.

totally WAEYOOOOOO????

praying really really really hard, i really really really need lotsa luck tmr.

i neeeeed to stop worrying, i need to get my freaking mood up.

i hope that my day will be balanced tmr.

like bad vs good are proportionate.

else, i will end up going crazy.

need to bear with it, need to keep it up, need to stay happy and cheerful.

a need, not a want, a must, not a choice.

s'all jumbled up. read it at your own risk.

2011-10-12T00:52:00.001+08:00

today, the feel to blog came. (:

right now. (:

i like blogging, really like it.

and i like jia hui's blog cos she updates constantly.

love reading her blog, INTERESTING.

and many blogs that i've been following, reading, most of them has gone dead.

different people different pace eh?

blogging can be sooooo interesting to me, but boring to them cos they dunno what to blog about.

actually, anything under the sun, you know?

anything. as long as you're happy and comfortable with it.

whereas for some of them, i understand, they're toooo busy to be blogging.

really understand, cos i'm usually like that too, when i'm busy.

i'm sorry that whenever i blog, i go on and on and on and the post is like suppppperrrr long.

should i be sorry about that?

keke but i didn't force you to read it. ^^

hahaha.

the sickening thing with this new blogskin of mine, is that when using andriod or apple to view this page, you can't scroll down the contents of my posts.

i believe i've mentioned about it before.

but well, till i find another skin.

guiding thing again tmr, and i've got to scout for certain locations again.

and be a chicken and duck in communicating.

please let it be a better day can?

like not being late, like getting along well, and being able to find the locations.

please?

anyway, it's nice to get up from my seat and stand by the window sill, stare at the night sky, take a look at my surrounding, count the aeroplanes, count the stars.

the weather is just awesome.

27 degrees, and i'm loving it. (:

put my hand out of the window and feel the current temperature.

it's awesome.

2354 in the night, 27 degrees. (:

me like. (:

sent BFF off to korea on mon.

was happy to be at the airport. (:

but i was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo PAISEH cos i was kinda out casted.

her whole big group of friends were there to send her off, and she didn't expect it, but it's okay.

really okay. she's apologised many many times for that, and it's really really okay.

i was just ps, that's all.

cos i know none of them and i totally understand that she had to talk to them, entertain them and stuff.

but i met ash and vanessa who kept me company, not so bad afterall. (:

had to kinda rush home, cos i was out at like THAT timing, and i was staying a little too long.

so before i get any reprimanding, i'm better off making my way home.

oh, completed alll episodes of PTB.

SWEET. (:

but that would mean that i don't have any other shows to catch up, except for variety shows.

it's oaky. (:

i've got my new book: "one day" which i have not completed yet.

and i heard that the movie is gonna be out soon.

only know that anne hathaway is casting in that movie.

anyway, here's the trailer if you wanna know more about it.

http://www.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi3449396249/

that last part was the cover page for that book.

kekeke. (:

there. (:

did food trial today, it was quite successful.

but still gotta get another trial done the week. (:

oh, timetable for this semester is out too.

guess it wasn't that crappy afterall, despite all the ramblings on twitter. ^^

mi-an.

guess i ain't mature enough eh?

ooo.

bought japanese curry at daiso.

finally tried it ytd.

yeap, like japanese curry.

it wasn't really yummy, just like so-so.

i ate it with my noodles, but it still tasted all right.

backtrack to sunday.

had family gathering to celebrate hyrum's birthday.

it was FUN. (:

not my birthday though, but i really really had fun playing.

hahahaha. =DD

sis and i wore the same panda tee. <3

and we had catered buffet which tastes all right too. (:

then there were some door gifts.

haha to me, they were just presents to bring home. (:

it was already like that when we received it.

the empty spaces were not because we have eaten up the stuff already.

cake from polar, not bad though.

EXCEPT for the cream.

i'm not that health conscious or that i want to lose weight or anything (i don't, in fact, i wanna gain weight k~ ^^), i just don't like layers of cream on top of cakes.

don't you too?

it's just kinda disgusting, oily, unpleasant to the mouth.

so i just remove it when i consume.

best part of the day.

aunt bought us figurines from precious thots! (:

and seriously, the are freaking damn ex.

not trying to show off, but factually.

and i don't know what's her reason for buying those, it's not even christmas yet.

she bought for everybody.

i think she spent like thousands in precious thots.

like just my family alone, i suppose it's around $250?

approx one figurine for $50.

and she bought like i dunno how many bags of them.

umm 20 figurines probably?

AND, she kept and gave us the receipt JUST IN CASE we didn't like the one she chose so we can exchange it or something.

but why would we? it's her gift to us. (:

plus, really really touched by this!

to look for figurines with words and etc that suits all of us, she actually visited ALL the branches in singapore to get them.

and if like this figurine isn't available here, she had took the trouble to visit another branch just to get it.

really really THANK YOU aunt! (:

your sincerity is GREATLY APPRECIATED!

a few bags were given away already, so it doesn't seems much here.

GUESS WHICH'S MINE? ^^

suu guessed the second one, but aniyo.

MINE'S THRID! (:

i know it looks like a boy, cos there's cap and stuff, but the pony tail is hidden behind! (:

the first two are mum and dad's, then mine, and then sis's, then lil sis.

i think it really really suits us alot.

sis got the one with the cake and a bigger one cos it's her birthday this month.

PREETTY. (:

and lil sis has the one with the most angelic i think.

suits her alot too. (:

close up view of mine. ^^

i like it.

it's the thought that counts.

and i think it really suits me.

and if you look at it in detail, it is really hand carved, hand painted blah blah blah, which i think explains why the price was $$$ for such a thing like that.

this are the words at the bottom.

it says: "you're an ace on any count."

INSPIRING, MOTIVATING. (:

LIKE. (:

and plus a bookmark like wordings were given along with the figurine.

the words on there were inspiring too. (:

gowabsiminda ahjumonim. (:

photo blog

2011-10-07T00:52:00.001+08:00

promised myself to do some photo blogging today.

anyway, today was the day where i had to do guiding.

overall experience wasn't too bad, but then communication barrier was an obstacle.

it's like one chicken one duck.

and i was using body language to communicate.

but i'm thankful for my data plan and that i have a japanese xiao jiu mu. (:

i had to download a japanese guide book from my market and then crack my brain to try subbing some japanese into my english sentences.

even a simple sentence like: are you hungry? was difficult. or even, do you want to have lunch? wasn't that easy too.

i was like touching my tummy, then doing that eating action, then saying taberu?

aiggooooo.

and then i wanted to ask them if they wanted to shop first, or eat first.

seriously cmi.

but it was still fun, i guess. (:

was supposed to bring them to bugis, chinatown and vivo.

brought them up to the play area on the rooftop of vivo.

was supposed to tell them that we normally play there and stuff, but they don't understand. so it's like okay, nvm.

but we ended up having fun playing around.

keke.

and when i pointed over to the opposite island, i told them it was sentosa.

then they macham half understand half don't understand.

then when i said USS, they were like: OHHHHH!!!

hahahaha. funny.

it's sentosa on the opposite side. (:

and there's cable cars too! (:

random visit to TP.

just wanted to see my bff and pass her something. ^^

saw a panda notepad and without thinking i just grab it.

cos i already who's the owner of that cute thing. (:

<3 <3 <3

grocery shopping last sunday.

the amount we spent at NTUC was like a freaking hell $208.

CRAZY.

but after deducting the discounts for housebrands, it went down to $198/$195?

BUT STILL. like goddamnit why isit so expensive???

that suppa duppa long receipt after purchase.

anyway, just wanna share this product here.

it's like super damn cool for me, maybe, perhaps because i'm in food science.

but it amazes me.

it's like a frozen packed meal. terriyaki chicken with rice.

it's like an airplane meal.

and what went through my mind was: how did they manage to freeze the rice yet not affecting the texture?

studying in this course, deh, it set off my mind. it's not easy you know, to freeze something but after reheating the product still tastes good etc.

there's like a lot of factor to consider blah blah blah.

so, it was amazing to me.

somemore like aeroplane meal please.

totally reminded me about the meals we get on board.

packaging.

the frozen pack.

the outcome after being heated.

pretty cool isn't?

or maybe it's just me trying it for the first time?

i know that it doesn't look very tasty, cos i took it from the wrong angle.

but the rice was soft and the chicken was flavourful, got sauce somemore.

$4.50 per pack.

yes, expensive. but no harm trying.

once in a while, not everyday.

really a great product, esp when you wanna have rice in the middle of the night or something.

and think about the research cost, the trials they have to conduct etc.

and i know that the rice looks alot, but then, it's actually just right.

keke. ^^

yoohoooo~

2PM YOOOOOOOO!

kekeke.

was debating whether to buy teens or teenage.

bought teens cos of them. (:

teenage's cover was on MISS A.

so yeap.

PLUS! there's a poster of KHJ inside. (:

DAEBAK JJANG!!

haha okay i'm not that crazy as to put this poster in my room or something.

i'm gonna give it to my sis.

i will feel like supper weird if there's this kinda idol poster in my room.

like i worship them or what.

so yeap. see can already. (:

oh yeah, went to candy empire today! (:

bought this! (:

hmm cannot see clearly.

jang~ DAIM chocs! haven't had them for a long time.

and i still remembered that it was shuya who intro me to this.

kakakaka. awesome man.

jincha masshita! (:

okay a few more pictures to share. (:

and yeah, project angelz this saturday!

whooopeee. (:

i hope that i'm gonna enjoy it as much as i've enjoyed today.

thinking back, it was reallly great. (:

make friends make friends make friends. is a happy thing. (:

this can be found on my FB wall. but wanna share it here too.

it's pretty cool. (:

hao nan ren-good man.

hahaha.

not easy to find kay~

credits from: http://nickastig.me/

i cannot credit this cos it was just going around FB.

this too. but there's the website on the pic itself.

soo yep.

shall end my post here! (:

it's been a happy one. (:

out with course mates tmr, getting ready for some laughs.

and hopefully, again, it'll be good. (:

you know, it's you.

2011-10-01T01:34:00.001+08:00

oh yeah, have been heading out for this week.

really really really like it.

and have been home at 10 plus for a few days too.

love it toooooo.

love it max max max.

10 plus isn't late to me, is just okay. but is late to mum, so yeah.

waa nan jincha chuwaheyo.

random ya.

because there were too much raking up today, you had to be written here.

i have been wondering, for quite some time, if you are still reading what i'm typing over here.

i really wonder, cos i don't get the answer anyway.

or has it become a habit?

as much as i try, i know the form of concern will still be there.

unexplainable.

you are the invisible one, and i've always been the visible one.

please, stay invisible, till i die.

don't ever appear. understand?

so here's to you. if you know that's you i'm talking about. if you are still reading this.

i think this is the first time i'm speaking directly to you.

because of all those that happened today.

here we go.

to explain why i've cut off all contact from you. if you think it's unfair, think again.

if you think it was being easy by just being friends when everything was over.

because you hadn't know the severity of the scar you left.

you wouldn't have known eh.

do you know, that i regretted so much?

do you?

because whatever happened to love, i don't know.

all you left was pain and nothing else.

to look at the image of you, was nothing but pain and hurt and lies and betrayals done.

i'm really really thankful, we didn't cross path.

never ever would i wanna cross path with you again.

now you know it.

now you know how much it was to bear after you had fun.

think, really think.

think of how much it was, to still use the girl you claimed to love and miss.

bullshit liar liar pants on fire.

were your right? you've apologised. and if you think that was enough to tone for your mistake.

never. it was a silly mistake that both of us made.

and so, why was i so stupid?

today was kinda too much because i keep getting reminded of you.

as much as i try to erase the memories of us, it's difficult. VERY.

i'm not hiding it anymore.

it's going to be, close to a year.

those who knows what i'm talking about, knows. those who doesn't, i'm sorry i don't wanna explain.

and those who are at the point of guessing, you should know too.

day by day, as time goes by, i will definitely recover.

time heals, i believe.

one year, have you forgotten her?

not my problem anymore anyway.

it's too late for regrets. and life carries on.

that's shit, deal with it.

i'm a happy girl right now and i love how my life is right now. at this moment. (:

hehe. (:

it's friiiiieeeeeeeeeeday!

2011-10-01T01:04:00.001+08:00

promised myself to blog today.

so am gonna blog. (:

two parts to this post.

it's gonna be long.

mi-an. ^^

NEGATIVE THOUGHTS WERE AWAY

i'm thankful i went out today, because it took away all my negative/emo thoughts and left me really happy/contented when i returned home.

today was the briefing day for project angelz.

so before the meeting in the evening, i was supposed to meet suu and shining.

before heading out, was watching ptb and it happened so that the scenes for the ep was quite saddening.

and then because the timing and stuff wasn't confirmed and i had to ask to confirm when they had actually knew? or maybe they forgot to inform me.

but yeah.

and because it was so uncertain i got kinda upset.

cos i don't really like tooo last min stuff.

then, head out, realised that i was going to be late again.

then, when i reached paya lebar, i heard a familiar voice, but was afraid to turn to confirm the identity of the person.

i don't know why.

must be michin.

then, i saw a familiar face of another person.

toooo familiar but it was a stranger.

and then my stomach hit pit bottom and then my heart felt apa.

as though it was stabbed. and i don't know why.

i refused to look at them even though they were just diagonally opposite.

afraid to look because i'm afraid that i'll get hurt, or the pain might get too unbearable.

this is terrible man.

it's like: waeyo?

okay, then so, met up, and then ms shining said that she was hungry.

so we went for some food at pasta mania.

and theeeeeeen. they were playing this song that was sooooooo familiar.

when it reached the chorus, i was like: oh! so it's this song. wts.

brought back too much.

so then after dinner, we had a whole load of time left for shopping.

so there we go.

bought my book, finally. (:

and through chatting and stuff like that, looking around, eating etc, i forgotten everything.

headed over for the briefing.

we were the first to reach, so we helped out to arrange the chairs and stuff.

waited for everybody to arrive, then briefing started.

we are supposed to help paint the houses of low income family.

they got us mentally prepared as to the situations we had faced, how to paint, what to do etc.

and the cool thing was: mediacorp is gonna arrive at 9am on the event day.

and and and and and! they may or may not, film us carrying out our duties on that day.

awesome daebak cool right!

kekekekekeke.

so glad i joined.

GETTING LOST, AND MAKING FRIENDS (I)

then then then we were supposed to head home.

then, we went back to the bus stop we came from, and started looking at the bus routes.

found one, which heads back to aljunied mrt.

a few others were figuring out how to make their way back as well, then i overheard that they are heading the same direction as me too.

so alll of us, boarded the same bus.

and were all keeping a lookout for the stop to alight.

as the journey goes on, it just seems wrong.

we were supposed to get down at the ninth stop. but it seems like we have travelled for more than nine stops.

then there's this friend who lived in toa payoh, and she said: hey, this is like near my house you know.

and we were all totally horrified. like what!!

plus the road signs said: bradell road.

wth wth wth.

i recognize roads, i do.

but not the roads i travelled just now.

so now you know why is there a need for me to recognize the roads.

it is exceptionally important, even if it's a taxi ride to somewhere near.

i hate the feeling of not knowing where am i. dislike ending up in foreign places or in the middle or nowhere.

and to realise that you are lost.

it's horrifying. cos you just feel so lost. and yeah i know, simple solution out: take cab lor.

sadly, i wasn't really trained in that way.

i'm trained in a way whereby, if i'm lost, if there is REALLY a NEED, then can i take a cab home.

trained in a way whereby if i'm lost, i gotta find my own way out.

to that, i'm thankful that i know my directions and recognize the roads.

okay, so this bunch of us, some whom i've made friends with cos i overheard their convo, amelia and nabilah, and the rest, we all got off the bus and looked for our way out.

3 others and i were heading towards the same direction, so we figured the way out together.

hariz, lina and jasmine. new friends. (:

i'm glad. cos if i lived in the direction of where my school was, i would have been going home with my friends and wouldn't have got lost, AND that means that i won't get to make new friends too. isn't?

GETTING LOST, AND MAKING FRIENDS (II)

so us four, we headed over the opposite direction and looked for the buses again.

took bus 93.

know what?

we were supposed to alight at paya lebar stop.

BUT, SOMEHOW, DUNNO WHY, WE MISSED IT. AGAIN.

was it because it was night and it was too dark outside that we didn't see it?

we don't know.

we just missed it.

but thankfully, before we board, we found out that this bus heads over to eunos inter too.

so thankfully, even though we lost our way once again, we know that no matter what, we will still alight at somewhere that's familiar to us.

so after like an hour plus of lost journey, we are back on track.

but, it was fun too.

getting lost with new friends and sharing some tales and hearing some interesting stories.

but getting lost alone wouldn't be that fun. it had been very very scary.

dislike don't like. so NEED to know the roads.

nature, born instinct.

reallly looking forward to the day of project angelz.

can make more new friends. (:

FUN. (:

somemore not only within our area of csc/nyp, there are other organisations too. (:

chuwaheh. (:

but, hoping that everything goes on smoothly on that day.

no hiccups, conflicts, whatsoever.

heh, see. negative thought forgotten already. (:

HAPPY GIRL. (:

2011-09-27T15:05:00.001+08:00

hehehehe.

soooooooo happy now.

am gonna blog.

random. ^^

my week is finaly filled with some things! ^^

BFF on monday, attending some talk today evening, food trial tmr, registration for gsm on thurs, briefing on fri, and work on sat.

HAPPY! =DDD

it's like finally after 3 weeks of empty spaces on my calendar, it is finally filled up with some writings and things to do.

waiting for ms jen to call me back, please asap.

the more i wait the more i feel that the plan is gonna be cancelled. but please please please don't.

and for the job on sat, the i/c hadn't contact me yet, so am waiting too.

please please please let me have this job too.

want it badly. ^^

and GSM registration on thurs, please let me get what i want too. don't let the system screw up and stuff.

keke.

ms worrisome hor?

praying hard, pleading please. ^^

meeting up with people you miss, visiting your favourite places, doing things you enjoy = happy things in life.

blissful.

no more complains for now. ^^

love how it is like right now.

and i like it that i have my own freedom over the control of my own timing.

i don't really like to be controlled, nor to be tied down to certain things.

that's an ariean for you. (:

fall asleep.

2011-09-22T01:04:00.001+08:00

Since I'm unable to fall asleep, i should probably blog uh.
I thought of everything to blog about but i forgotten.
Geez.

Hmm heading over to school for food trial tmr.
Finally something to do eh.
PTB for next ep is gonna be happening, but might probably pause for a while and wait till all ep are out.
Planning to head over to popular someday to get some books.
Way too bored.
Books equals to increase knowledge. Better than cramping videos all day right?
Need to get out.
Someone date me please..
But i do hope i won't get tied down.

Aigoo i know that if I'm still not sleeping any time soon, I'm gonna be dead beat tmr morning. Kundeh ortukeh?

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revival

2011-09-18T00:58:00.000+08:00

time to revive this blog eh?

haha.

the show "departures" just ended on okto.

though it is the second time i've watched it, still, it did not failed to touched my heart.

i remembered when we went to the cinema to watch this movie, one piece of tissue wasn't even enough.

i remembered that when the show ended, that whole piece was soaked.

wonderful show, very little dialogues, but you could understand the emotion portrayed just by the expressions of the actors.

have been heading to OG these weekends.

last last weekend was to get sis's winter wear.

last weekend was to get our winter wear.

it's CRAZY.

one, the sum was hefty.

two, we haven't even booked the air ticket.

michin eh?!

and we bought the clothings first.

crazy crazy totally crazy plan this time round.

haha but then again, if the tickets were sold out, we could probably change our destination to somewhere where those kinda clothings are needed.

this weekend, we went there again to get the application forms to apply for their membership.

because we spent so much, and with every $75 spent you can apply for one membership card, free.

soo still looking for interested applicants to apply for the membership, since our family has already applied.

anybody? keke.

and have been spending much time researching for places of interests and hotels/ apartments too.

i spent like more than a week.

exaggerating, yes i know.

but do you know, that even after 1 week plus of research, there's still new hotels/apartments to be found?

it's like i cannot imagine how many hotels are there over there.

it's crazy.

can never ever finish searching for them.

it's okay, i've stopped researching.

done and over with it.

too many already.

so did note them down, now it's just left to compare the location and price and environment.

ah, before everything, sis is going over to fudan, shanghai for freaking hell 6 weeks.

that's the reason why we have been looking for winter wear, since the weather there is single digit every dec.

and SIX LONG WEEKS. can i ask how am i going to survive? =/

who can i talk to who can i pour my heart out to who can i ask for opinion?

geez.

i will try to survive.

watching protect the boss recently.

it is only released up to episode 14.

4 more episodes to release.

and gotta wait for those kind people online to sub the videos.

i'm left with episode 14 and then i'll have to wait and wait and wait for it to be out.

which i dislike doing so. =/

woojung couple ep 23 is out, khuntoria last ep too.

might watch khuntoria first.

and in the meantime,in the midst of waiting all of these shows, might watch drunken to love you.

seeeeee??

this kinda life.

thinking and getting something to do.

looking for shows to watch.

cos i'm unemployed.

pathetic isn't?

seriously.

i wanna work work work work work my ass off and work and earn some money please.

i know money and opportunity don't drop for the sky.

i have been looking, have been searching for them, but they are nowhere to be found.

luck, come please. please please.

desperately.

i'm bored to the core while other's are sooooo busy.

this is unfair.

i'll be glad to share some of their busy-ness.

can share their burden too.

anybody wanna share with me and i get paid?

keke.

aigooo pathetic fellow here stop whining let's sleep shall we?

i hope i'm able to fall asleep.

cos tired isn't in my vocab anymore.

maybe, tired of waiting.

but not physically in that sense.

how can a person be like this right?

shakes head.

me me me me me.

totally slacker.

pabo stupid meeeee.

anneyeong. (:

2011-09-17T01:44:00.001+08:00

Kudeh. Let's just blog here through my phone.
Annyeong. I know it's been long.
Have i mentioned that exams are over? Hmmm now that it's over, the burden isn't gone yet. Results are still yet to release, so there's still something to worry about.
Have been looking for jobs recently. No luck yet. I just wanna work, not waste my time at home watching shows waiting for news and consuming electricity and wasting and using dad's money.
Please let there be some luck some opportunity somewhere.
I'm desperate to work. Because it's been long and there's no news yet. I don't wanna stay at home helping out in housework all day long and fetching sis from school and tuition like her maid or housewife to be or something.
This is so no life its just like wasting time.
You know what, all this while at home i felt so useless. Like a black sheep of the family. Not working but slacking your ass off while others are working their ass off.

Much has happened recently.
It isn't the kinda life i wanna lead.
It sucks to the core.
WW III almost every week.
Cold wars.
Its almost depressing that i wanna run away from it.
Annoying sickening pissing me off.
Simple. Peace and harmony. Family.
When crap happens, we stand out of the boundaries and watch.
When crap happens more and more frequently, it seems that all of us will fall apart. And at times i feel putting a halt to everything, shout out what i feel to their faces whether tears fall or not, and then run away.
Being the elder sis, the stress is tremendous. No one can sympathise with me because they won't ever understand.
You gotta do this this this you gotta guide and fetch you lil sis.
There's just so many restrictions mainly because you're the eldest.
I can't lead a proper teenage life. No this no that. Because I'm the eldest and I've got to abide by the rules.
I don't know how i can break away from these.
Its just disappointing. Irritating.
You gotta help mama in this this this.
Once in a while, its okay absolutely fine. But everyday? No.
Bothersome.
I'm envious of the youngest. Have always been.
Don't needa do anything. Just be pampered. Trust me, no matter what there'll be this biasness in every parent. Because who else do they dote if they don't dote the youngest? Since the siblings have already grown up and don't require so much attention? The negative thing about it, might just be being ordered around.
It's a burden. To me. My role.
Head drops big sigh.
Last night too, bulah waeyo these few nights, have been feeling extremely dreary. Haven't been expressing my feelings or haven't been bloging much?

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i went to pay my respects.

2011-09-03T01:04:00.001+08:00

we went to her funeral today.

my first time attending a Christianise funeral.

it was holy, it was really peaceful unlike our chinese style.

okay luh, chinese style with the exception of Buddhism style.

buddhism style was peaceful too.

oh well, it's just our religious belief.

so we entered.

and i saw her potrait.

then we walked forward to bow.

and that's when reality hit me.

this person that i've known right in front of me, is not standing, not sitting, but lying inside a coffin.

she's gone. really gone.

so, epic and drama.

as we bowed, i just broke down.

DRAMA.

and after we bowed, cos we all stood in a row, i continued standing there crying like some shit till someone pulled me to some corner.

and then the next thing i know, i was looking for mama and crying with her.

like a baby.

and then i was trying to stop my tears but it hurt sooo much.

then we walked out of the room, tears stopped, eyes red and swollen, and people sitting at the tables looked at us as though we were putting on an act or whatever.

but you know what?

IF i could tell them the story between me and her.

IF they knew our story.

IF they knew the attachment we had.

BUT really, whatever.

i wasn't putting up an act, it was just that that was the moment my emotions caught me.

when reality hits.

i'm just like that, what to do?

THINK.

how close were we, if, as the status of patients, we can grieve over the death of our doctor, and to pay our respects to her?

the establishment must be there eh?

really, "it's hard to accept the fact that you're gone forever~"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UqfLVDIZcP8&ob=av3e

this song always depicts how i feel.

never ever failed to depict how i feel when such things happens.

memories will just flow in. and the lyrics are so meaningful.

it's just the exact kinda reactions you would have when you lost somebody.

then we headed to the washroom and sis took my hand and brought me there.

like i was a nursery kid on my first day of school and i had to visit the bathroom to wash my face after the whole cry cry thing.

and i realised, throughout this whole episode, i didn't knew what was i doing.

i just knew i had to let it go.

my surroundings, whatever people there are, whatever whoever whether they are staring or what what what, all i need to do was let out.

but i know what's going on their mind: who's this girl how is she related to her why is she grieving over her.

i didn't knew i stood there after we bowed, i didn't knew how long i stood, i didn't knew someone pulled me away.

all i knew was searching for mama which felt really important then to look for her, totally based on instinct was my response, and the next thing was we were led out of the room.

like watching drama hor.

epic max man my reactions.

oh, and i remembered mummy telling me not to cry but she was crying too.

and i don't know what i mumbled back or what was my response.

EPIC.

i wonder what's the psychological explanation behind this.

that someone is overwhelmed by grieve that their subconscious mind overtook them for a while, while their conscious mind was brought somewhere else?

maybe.

it really really makes me realise life is sooooooooo vulnerable, sooooooooo short.

whenever such things happens, it just makes me feels this way.

it's just like you won't know who else around you will be gone.

how soon will it be before you won't see them again.

RIP Dr cecelia.

you know you'll be missed, and may god always be with you.

my doctor.

2011-09-01T01:21:00.001+08:00

my family doctor passed away this morning.

like wts.

it's so freaking goddamn it sudden.

like supppper.

she's just like 40 plus?

her son just completed NS, and now that she's gone, her parents are sending her off.

can you imagine the pain?

i know i know, to many many people out there, it's like: what's the big deal? JUST a doctor! what's the big hoo ha or what's the big fuss over her death?

big big deal to me, big big blow to my family.

for the fact that she has been the one we have been consulting since more than a decade ago.

it's that form of attachment.

her way of consultation, the kinda medication she has in her clinic, the kinda medication that all of us are familiar with.

when i was diagnosed of pneumonia, bronchitis, she was the one who gave advice.

was the one who referred me, treated me.

mummy consulted her when she was pregnant.

we gave her those gifts when i was 1 month old.

so before i was even born in this world, she knew me already.

it's like she has watched me grew up, like has been there all the while.

and, even though she know of her own illness, she refused to seek treatment.

not because she was stubborn or whatsoever, it's simply because of her patients.

the clerk told her to rest, to take care. and she just said: then what about my patients?

my whole health history, my condition, she knows best.

still, it's too sudden for me to accept.

but i do hope she is in peace now.

it is really really a pity, for her to be gone just like this.

and at such point of time, bye bye by mariah carey always comes to my mind.

and now, where to we seek treatment when we fall sick?

sure, lotsa clinics for you to choose.

but where can you get the same service, the same medications?

you think you can pop in one and just see all the establishments there?

no.

18 years.

you have to reconsult the doctor wherever the next one will be, adapt to the kinda medication they use-which i normally don't get well from consuming them, let them understand your allergies, your condtion blah blah blah.

you start anew.

after this post, can i accept, get over and move on?

tears are trapped in there, i know.

they don't fall, i don't know why.

i'm not the type who can cry a pail once i receive the news.

i am the type who have to wait till reailty really hits, when the truth slowly falls in, when i have accepted, then i know they will come.

and i know, some will say, you are heartless.

whatever, i'm just like that.

cannot be changed.

so when you are ready, let me know, let me prepare.

it's bad getting stuck in there, so come out all right please?

you felt it then, and then you swallowed it back.

now they are stuck.

and it hurts even more when you can't express and let go of everything.

"and now they're gone forever..

never knew i could hurt like this

and everyday life goes on and i wish, i wish.."

hang on, move on.

2011-08-15T01:16:00.001+08:00

isit good that i am slowing down my pace in blogging?

haha maybe. (:

exams in four days time, 6 papers within 2 weeks.

hwaiting. =D

you know the feeling you get when friends come to you only when they need your help in something?

and then you recall the times you had together and then you think of why things are like that at the current moment.

it's like you are always or have been always the one catching up their lives, that one day, when you are tired and decides not to catch up anymore, you fall behind.

and they don't bother going back for you.

so you drift apart and if one day you manage to get them, there's still a big hole there to be filled with details of their life that you won't know or understand because you weren't there with them while they were going through those.

because if you meant something to them, none of the above would have happened.

so this just means, i mean nothing to you.

or have i cherished you more than you have took me as?

oh well, life is never fair.

i will remember this saying.

at times i really wonder how much am i worth to those friends out there.

what is the percentage i stand in that whole life of your's.

and for some people, you seem to drift apart because there's too much going on.

it's just something i feel.

no matter how hard you run it's hard to run the same pace as them.

yet somehow, they stop and wait for you.

and you feel like you've been in their lives all the while afterall. (:

the feeling when people says, it's okay, if they are gonna do anything to you, we'll be there for you.

that protective feeling.

i like. (:

had fun with marin on sat, as usual.

she's really a cute baby.

and i really hope she grows up well despite that disability i know will hinder her whole life.

seriously, why would such a cute baby have such impairments?

but whatever it is, i love her as much. <3

that's why she is such a deary, my deary. <3

i love the way she would just come and hug me, like a source of attachment.

she knows you, knows that she is secure with you, and then she plays with you, laughs, smile.

and when she's scared she comes running to you, knowing you will bring away all her fears.

it's really a sweet feeling. that whole attachment.

getting into poly, it's not about merely a pass anymore.

it's about getting As.

everyone has been doing that, except me.

it seems really really simple, the names on the list who have gotten A.

why is it so difficult for me to achieve it?

because my hunger for it isn't that much?

or had i simply not worked hard enough for it?

tell me about all those crap i used to believe, where have your power gone to right now?

you didn't prove that you were there during the last CT. this time, i'm not gonna believe it anymore.

studying is about being selfish and putting in hardwork and effort.

not those crap.

i've learnt that since sec school.

because i've been through it.

poly, same words too.

why would i help you when i am excelling?

why would i help you if, through my help, you would excel more than me?

isn't that what everyone is afraid of?

because you aren't as clever as others, because you don't have those brains of theirs, you've got to put in so much more effort to get that results.

but do efforts really pay off?

it's just FML.

but still, hang on.

life gets tough, go on.

2011-08-08T00:45:00.001+08:00

anneyeonghesayo. (:

haven't been blogging for one week i think.

watching playful kiss now.

super lame show but there's still some parts which are nice.

and have i mentioned that i'm done watching secret garden?

think i did mention eh?

last week, crazy week. i don't know how, but somehow i managed to conquer it and am a survival.

still wondering, is my course the only one so hectic?

because for others, they don't go to school as early as us, and even if they do, they only attend lessons for a few hours, so they get early dismissal.

for ours, its like going to school so early, yet heading back home so late.

everyday.

and here we are grumbling about assignments, upcoming exams, but i don't hear people from other courses complaining and grumbling about these as well.

or do they have such high tolerance level?

friday night, was great.

because sis, mum and i had a 3 hour htht. (:

saturday's dinner was awesome too.

met up with grans and goodma's family at lemongrass.

love that moment then.

dinner was delicious, and seriously, lmao throughout the whole dinner.

the waiter was so hilarious.

we wanted a lighter to light our candle, and he asked if we needed him to light the candle.

out of courtesy, we said yes.

and when he was going to light the candle, he didn't even aimed it correctly. the candle was right there, and he was holding the lighter like 3cm away from the candle. and he even asked if he did light the candle when it was so far off.

he seriously have problems with his sight and he didn't even wear spects.

but thanks to him too, we totally had a good laugh off that.

and when the cake came, it was so frozen that the plastic knife broke.

totally the kinda situation i would expect given that dad was cutting the cake.

today, wasn't that much but we stayed home to complete our work and watched shows.

did complete stuff during the weekends, but still felt it was abit too slack.

it's a new week again. and i wonder what's up for this week.

submission of projects and make up class, i know.

one more week to exams, i know.

but there's many more out there that i'm not knowing.

they always say aries are full of fighting spirit, but where is mine?

i don't feel mine, at all.

screw my life

2011-07-31T01:53:00.001+08:00

it will be too much, i know, it will be too much for my body to take it.

cry if you think it helps.

if you think it solves your problem, if you think it's gonna help you in facing whatever there is.

i'm so dreading next week.

3 tests coming up, 2 presentations, 2 make up classes, 2 reports due, 2 projects due.

total: 11 tasks. oh yeah, not to mention tutorials to be submitted.

FML.

is everyone so busy?

or is my course the only one?

i wonder how my team mates deal with it.

i need space, i need air, i need exercise and sweat.

i need to relieve stress but apparently it is difficult because it keeps building up till the point i fall ill.

they said to strive on together, but what i don't see it.

everyone will work for their own sake, there won't be one who is noble enough to be willing to guide you and aid you so much in your work.

end of the day, be independent.

i'm really sick of this life.

i look at my calendar and just freak out.

weekends, i try rush out presentations and reports.

i should be studying for tests and doing tutorials too.

i thought i could rush out the presentation on monday, but there's a test on tuesday.

i thought i could prepare for my presentation, but there also a test on wednesday and the presentation.

that leaves me no time to worry for my presentation till the day itself.

finally, there's thurs to breath, but there's a test on friday.

seriously i'm gonna get nervous breakdown can admit to IMH can go crazy already.

been going home with CK these days.

he changed alot since sec, else it's just that i don't know him that well.

so much to talk about, you won't have to worry a lack of topic when bonding with him.

keeps me entertained and amazed.

have been wondering how he keeps up with that happy and chatty mood like everyday.

he says that he is having FYP from 8.30 to 6 everyday.

so i asked if he was tired.

and he actually said: yeah am tired, but i'm happy.

it's like so simple yet so difficult.

contradictory isn't?

for me, i had been grumpy about it. unless the whole experience has been a fun and fruitful one.

how? you know, how? share with me.

haha.

weekends, it's the weekends.

there's absolutely no time to rest.

to think that i had be able to sleep earlier on a weekend, but it turns out no different from a weekday.

why doesn't any of my friends live in the east?

then i can drag them and accompany me to the airport.

i really really really need a break, a day will do, a short one will do, it will be enough.

aish omg can i just breakdown?

i'm not even thinking about september already.

september is when holiday starts when all the tortures end when we finally gasp for fresh air.

i just hope august pass smoothly and i pass august safely.

not because it's that festival, but simply because of my schedule.

hmm.

now i know.

because they aren't supportive, now i know that whatever there is, just be independent and rely on yourself.

cos they will not console, they will not bother.

and even if they do, it's a whole different way of doing things.

if hanging in there was easy..

but i know nothing comes the easy way.

hopeless.

FML

2011-07-27T00:21:00.001+08:00

Hey peeps.
Haven't been blogging for a long long time.
Oh well, the trend now is grumbling.
Seems like most of my mates are doing so.

Life is getting more and more tough.
Sometimes it brings down you to the state of giving up.
Sucks much.
6 papers, 7 for others.
Like really super fked up.
Assignment projects so much to do, so little time.

And bff if you are reading this, i miss you, so much. ):
I wish you were here with me to go through and face whatever's out there.
But apparently it's just wishful thinking.
Busy bee ctyj. Can imagine how many times busy she is than me.
That crazy happy go lucky girl. HaHa. Thinking of the time we had together brings a smile to my face. (:
Haish.

Secret garden was super awesome drama. Hyun bin was so sweet to the female cast. Funny show sweet show sad show.
Its just plain awesomeness.
Cried through the whole ep 17. Sad and touching max.

Realised I've been crying a lot these days.
Stress must be building up.
Aigoo.
It's really stressful in my clique. It's like the brainy people vs brainless people.
All are scholars and i feel that I'm the dumbest in there.
The improvement rate is like so small so slow.
The will to improve was so much only to be defeated by the disappointing news.
I just feel that my life is so screwed up, totally.

Maybe it's time for bed. Everyday is a tiring day.
Never a day will we ever have enough rest.
Seriously this sucks.
I've really forgotten what's called being happy and have long forgotten how does happiness feels like.
Pathetic eh.
Sucks ttm.

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it's a monday and it's not blue.

2011-07-19T00:07:00.001+08:00

yeapee.

managed to change my blogskin.

hope nothing goes wrong with photobucket, else that's the end of my blog.

tried on one before the current one, spent 3 hours on editing the html and stuff, but it failed me.

thankfully this one was okay, else i could have strangled somebody.

and i spent only 45 mins on editing.

it's been a pleasant day.

had popeye's after such a long time.

was sooo full after the whole meal.

could jolly well roll out of the store seriously.

CT results were..disappointing ttm.

chemistry had always been my weakness and time and again i've failed to change it.

subjects which i thought were able to score well, didn't turned out that well either.

all were just disappointed to rock bottom.

really wonder how on earth can i improve to push my gpa..

AIGOO.

the same old routine again.

i try not to dread them.

as long as no one gets on my nerves tmr, and as long as i try to keep my mood up, i should be okay for the peak hour routine. (:

like the word routine says, routine.

well i'll treat it as one, get used to it, fall into the pattern of it, and accept.

anneyeong. (:

TGIF. weekends are here!~

2011-07-18T00:35:00.001+08:00

weekends were preetty awesome. (:

dad brought me to buy durians at serangoon after school.

YUMMY! (:

watched HP II at lido in imax 3D on saturday.

omg it was cool ttm.

the sound surround system..and watching HP in 3D was so awesome too!!!

my first time watching movies in 3D.

like OMG.

but it's really sad that that's the end of the harry potter series, like a finale.

hmm.

great show.

oh yeah, not to mention, the seats were in leather and the theater was not say big but big in a sense.

aha.

had tea break at killiney road.

wanted to visit the original killiney kopitiam, but full house!

proceeded to a malay cafeteria, and ordered mee rubus and curry puff and coffee and tea.

waaaaaaa, heavenly seriously.

the mee rubus sauce was thick and flavourful. haven't tasted something like that for a long time!

curry puff, keke better than A1 better than old chang kee.

geez.

then headed to botanic gardens.

the air was soooo refreshing!

i love the nature scenery and the smell of the nature there.

love it and enjoyed myself so much.

except that it was funny and it kinda hurts to be strolling in a park with heels.

my feet was tortured.

nevertheless, it's still enjoyable! =D

dinner was at gran's.

marin is learning how to speak.

that deary, loves. (:

today was spent doing houseworks and some tutorials.

and searching for blog skins.

planning to revamp my blog.

but the blogskins aren't that fantastic.

dinner was at century square's HK cafe.

they serve superb fried rice there. (:

keke.

am tired for the day.

a new week ahead.

stay tuned to the new blogskin! (:

2011-07-14T23:48:00.001+08:00

blog! (:

wed:

i finally found out your name today.

HAPPY. (:

doesn't make a difference, but still.

keke. (:

actually, should have known it since first lecture.

it was blurry but i should be clever enough to assume.

nevertheless, it was confirmed. (:

as for the other one, still testing.

i'm not sure.

unsure about my instinct again.

had a birthday surprise for susu.

hope she enjoyed it.

cos i know her family don't have the habit of celebrating birthdays, which i think is saddening to hear.

which is also why i tried my best to come up with a good plan, good surprise that she can enjoy. (:

ohdeh, i realised that there's lotsa candies at the bus stop.

so peak hour isn't a very bad thing after all.

keke.

thurs:

jh owes a hamster and she's posting up all her cute hammie pictures and tweeting her hammy stuff.

omo, not that she can't do that, of course she can.

but waaa it makes me miss my hamster even more and so much more.

then i went to sis blog and then i saw my darling's picture there.

can somebody just take away my heart?

it's hard luh.

did i loved so much?

but huh, for something that happened last year, is still etched within my mind and memory, not to say something that happened only ummmm..5 months back.

my bao bei.

"it's hard to accept the fact that you are gone forever"-maria carey: bye bye.

it's so difficult to accept that sorrow whenever you come to my mind, it's even more difficult when tears don't come and you just take that sadness away on your own.

tmr is your 5th monthsary.

you know sometimes i just miss you so much, just very randomly.

and i would think about the times where i would spend at night watching you, and then thinking about the times when i held you on my palms.

and i would just think about what would it be if you were here with me right now.

what had we doing where would you be placed in this renovated house and stuff.

aish.

yuki dear.

omg.

i so feel like crying right now.

i'm so not gonna adopt another pet until i've gotten over you, until i'm able to love another pet.

the kinda feeling i hate.

to lose something.

being good to it, staying by it, and then knowing it will be gone.

it's just so hard for me luh, okay.

sometimes i really wish i could just take out my brain and throw some unwanted information or memories away because they are so annoying.

because they just flashback whenever they like to, and then acid from your heart will just come out.

AIGOO.

12am sharp.

you've gone for 5 months and i'm still reminiscing over here.

i hope that wherever you are, you are doing good and have been reincarnated.

still love and misses you. <3

am able to sleep in a little later tmr.

so shall sleep. =/

2011-07-12T00:47:00.001+08:00

aigoo projects.

it's always this time where quarrels starts.

where disagreement begins.

which was why i stayed away from twitter for the whole afternoon.

aigoo.

it's like. nobody want to start on the project, but deadline is near.

and then when it is opened up for discussion, some people will say, okay we will do on this this this date.

and when this date comes, the person themself didn't even start.

and didn't even initiate, didn't even asked, didn't even participated.

so what do we do?

can't expect no one else to do it right?

so we just start it out on our own.

and then monday comes and we get black faces and attitudes from people.

we get scoldings and stuff on the internet.

it's kinda unfair and difficult to play our role know.

we can't jolly well sit there and do nothing waiting for people to start, or go around and keep asking you guys to do things eh?

you guys would grumble as well right?

but when we don't, you guys say we neglected you.

it's project work luh.

you initiate, you participate, it's not a totally one sided kinda thing.

it has got to be rounded, united.

haish.

see, play good guy to do proj also not, play bad guy to not do proj also not.

AIGOO.

it's really really sad, i'm really really sad to be facing this kinda problems whenever there's assignments and projects.

aish.

hurt by the comments.

or should i not take it to heart?

start with proj take initiative our fault, never take initiative never do, our fault also.

seriously tell me luh, be good or be bad?

or just tell them right off to take initiative and do something.

aigoo. =/

have been sleeping late these days.

that's why pimple explosion.

gonna be freaking hell damn tired tmr.

it's 9am class again.

omg tuesday swings already, after monday blue.

aigoo.

why why why why is life so hectic.

i'm so sorry i'm being so grumpy here.

but HAISH. =/

2011-07-07T21:47:00.001+08:00

seems like i can only out down my thoughts on this page.

i cannot express myself properly when i use my phone to blog.

the thing just doesn't come naturally.

took some pictures over the period of time that i didn't blog.

too lazy to share them right now, and am not going to upload since it's been quite a while already.

my dear papa forgot to pick me up today.

aigoo.

forgiven though.

haish.

and he's not the noble kinda good daddy to pick you up since he had forgotten.

he just called and say he didn't knew how to operate his new phone and told me to come back on my own.

then when i said i should cab home, he said if i'm going to cab home, then i might as well walk home.

wth.

i came home and then he asked me what time did my lesson end today.

totally =.=

cos i've already told him everything the night before, i end at 6pm, and we'll meet at the back gate.

aigoooo.

it's the past.

it's much safer to blog somewhere else.

no boundaries.

can sleep in a little more while tmr.

happy for that already. (:

this week passed so fast, last week too.

CT is finally over today.

how is it fair uh?

everyone resume normal lessons, including us, but we've still got 2 papers to be examined during lessons.

everyone got less than 5, at most 6 modules to be tested on, we've got 7.

shakes head arh.

stop it luh, stop bothering me luh.

i thought it all ended already?

zzzz.

i made it clear enough already k.

life has been so so so hectic.

it leaves me no space to breath, makes it hard to catch things up, so i can just run slowly behind it.

you see uh, exams ending this week, lessons resume this week.

presentations and assignments and projects coming up within the next 3 weeks.

then exams in just 4 weeks time.

wth has my life turned into?

i've got no time to take a closer look at things around me.

no time to inhale and just enjoy the moment of fresh air.

it's depressing you know.

i wish it would all just just just slow down.

2011-07-06T12:26:00.001+08:00

Am supposed to blog long time ago. But was tied up due to exams. So long since i last blogged.
Tired ttm these days.
Keke finally changed phone.
So happy.
With data plan some more. ^^
Hopefully i don't fail any of my modules.
Don't like waiting for the results to be out.
Geez everyone is studying or at least reading right now but I'm blogging. Omg I'm like so dead. Zzz.
Hadn't had any durians yet, now that it is the season. And hadn't had this batch of daily scoop ice cream. Aigoo.
Seriously hate it when life is hectic. Doesn't give you any time to rest or catch up with things that you have missed.
It's back to the normal routine again. Dislike much. Peak hour. =/

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IN NEED OF FOOD.

2011-06-20T23:22:00.001+08:00

study study study.

sometimes the mood is here, sometimes it's not.

haish.

why do we even have exams luh.

it would really be a pity if we are studying so hard right now just for the diploma cert and if we don't specialise in what we are in now.

it's like wasted. waste time waste effort waste my brain.

met sushan today.

keke had seoul garden!

FIRST TIME FOR ME!

man, the garlic chicken and terriyaki chicken was om nom nom nom delicious yummy awesome.

that taste stays in my memory now and my mouth have been wanting to taste more of it all day long.

goodness.

went to school to study too.

at least i took in more than what i normally did at home.

saw shuya at shopping arcade but didn't say hi cos she was busy.

keke.

looking forward and excited to head over to school to study tmr.

cos can get gloria jean coffee! (:

FIRST TIME FOR ME TOO!! (:

hope it would taste nice.

coffee bean mocha ice blend compared to starbucks mocha frappe, i prefer starbucks.

the coffee aroma is more fragrant and tastier too.

coffee bean's has the taste, like simply just the taste, not the roasted aroma kind taste thing.

haha i don't know what i'm talking about here.

omo, ima hungry at this hour.

i want meat.

should have da bao back some hor.

haha like a aunty only.

ahhhh.

my whole mind is filled with nothing but food.

that explains why i'm in FOOD SCIENCE AND NUTRITION! ^^

ima happy girl! (: (: (:

2011-06-18T02:07:00.001+08:00

kekekke.

happy so far.

so far so good! (:

there's a photo album at the end of this post. (:

contains many pics for my weekends and this week! (:

sushi for supper last sunday.

bought a bottle of wine like thing which turned out to be pure australia grape juice.

super sweet and pure. but i don't really like it.

just something to fool people.

keke.

stacks of stuff to study, rows of snacks that could make me hyper by just looking.

ahahaha.

family day on wednesday.

it was super duper fun.

dim sum. yumm yumm. (:

omni theater wasn't so amazing.

maybe cos the show was abit boring. ^^

nevertheless a great experience though. (:

visited singapore museum.

FIRST TIME there.

super cool.

and they had a EBD kinda exhibition there, amazing and cool man.

it's like showcasing about the economic growth of singapore through these years.

thought it was super boring like nothing only, but turned out NOT! (:

amazing, totally. and papa's office was showcased too.

NYP TOO!!!

haha hyper hyper. ^^

visited the shop at the museum.

waaaaa. i just kept on waaaa-ing cos i was SO amazed by those antiques displayed there, which were used back in the 1960s.

amazing max seriously. like REAL close up display of them, when you usually see in books or tv.

wa wa wa.

walked around fort canning park too.

enjoyed it totally.

love the space and the sun and the breeze there.

AWESOMENESS!!! =DDD

dinner for that day was DON'S.

yum yum yum yum.

and to install the bose system, we took like 3 hours.

of course from the picture it seems super simple, but to conceal the wires and stuff, it's complicating much.

but now that it's set up and all, we can enjoy the whole sound system.

awesome. (:

out with BFF on thurs.

haha.

walked into shops, came out of shops.

wandering about and chatting away.

kekeke.

and i was late like for 30 mins.

thankfully she was willing to wait.

i know she will walk away of someone is late for like 10 mins.

thanks so much for waiting and sorry much for being so damn late!

gossiping, bitching, everything, you name it.

i've had fun.

hahahaha. <3

today, went out with mama and lil sis.

i enjoyed shopping.

dinner was awesome too.

super super like. (:

bought undergarments from minoshe.

kekeke.

ego boost. ^^

happy happy for now. (:

papa came back with gifts from those uni people having attachment in his company.

they got him a handmade card and STICKY!!!! singlish sticky!

super excited when i saw them, omg, like super hyper only.

cos they are SWEETS!! (:

and the handmade card, it was so beautiful!

i could feel their sincerity and appreciation totally.

papa also brought 2 pints of ice cream from the daily scoop.

i think it's like some homemade ice cream shop else is made from natural stuff kinda thing shop.

AND.

omg...they taste HEAVENLY!

ESPECIALLY THE DURIAN FLAVOUR.

RICH AND CREAMY. OMG. BUT it doesn't taste fattening, that's the best part.

it doesn't have this oily feel or taste that turns you off and stuff.

cookies ice cream wasn't that great afterall.

i still prefer the normal ones.

thought lil sis and sis both prefer the cookies one.

kekekeke maybe cos they are kids.

dad said he bought that flavour for lil sis to eat.

hahaha.

sis you are little too. hahaha.

asked papa how much were they and he said they cost less than Haagen Diaz.

hmmm i think it's worth it for the taste.

strongly recommend to try. (: (:

routine cleaning for tmr, kinda dreads.

those glass and mirrors in this house, can kill.

oh well, hope this happiness lasts! (:

HAPPY! (: <3

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2011-06-15T00:01:00.001+08:00

waaa.

break record.

ahaha.

so excited to come to this page cos i know i haven't been blogging for DAYS!

5 days to be exact, in fact.

hahaha.

excited cos i know exactly what to blog about, but maybe not.

i always loose my thoughts when i'm at this page.

kekeke.

okay, first up, had fun playing with marin as usual.

she's a year old plus right now, she's still a baby to me.

the youngest in my generation. (:

love her loads! (:

having a housewarming party next next sat!!!!

excited excited. (: (: (:

can't wait to see marin playing it my house.

so fun!!!

will not be inviting poly mates and friends.

cos i doubt they will feel comfortable fitting in with my relatives and i doubt i'm able to entertain them.

BUT shall invite them over some time later! (:

if they wanna come over.

haha.

FAMILY HOLIDAY TMR!!!!

WOOTS! =DD

doubt we would be travelling overseas this year.

spent too much already!!

so tmr will be our holiday cum family day together. =DD

papa took leave cos he wanted to skip some boring meetings and presentation.

clever hor.

haha

anyway, plan for tmr will be dim sum at our usual spot, then heading to science center to catch a show at omni theater, then probably dinner at some old place near clementi-where they serve pretty awesome paper wrapped chicken (translate to mandrin, you will know what i'm talking about), and maybe proceed to carrefour to get daddy's nuts.

like like like the plan.

hopefully everything goes along this line, i wouldn't want anything to get screwed up.

ought to be studying.

hmm.

think i've slacked too much already.

i'm pretty scared out of my wits by looking through the tweets.

grah, buck up.

been hooked up to detective games and mystery solving games esp those involving hidden objects games.

jia lat.

and been staying up super late.

bad bad bad.

bose coming at 10 tmr.

gotta get up early!

so shall sleep soon! (:

2011-06-10T01:06:00.001+08:00

i don't know if i'm fit to say i'm tired.

cos i know everyone out there is.

and probably some who have done more work for today.

finally completed the time traveller's wife.

great book.

but i was only interested in the book when i was halfway through it.

shall go and watch the movie if i have the time and if i remember. (:

went to shop on wed.

have to admit, i like shopping.

and i understand why girls like shopping.

all the preetty and new stuff out there.

it's just awesome. (:

EXAMS. are coming.

friends have already STARTED preparing,

i've YET to START.

STRESSED UP.

i wonder if i'm able to make it in time.

ahhh bless me.

and omo.

it all came again today.

like goddamnit.

i felt faint and that whole nausea feeling.

as we proceed up the the canteen, i felt that i wasn't going to make it any second longer.

that feeling was so bad with the headache and all.

i see people, but they don't get registered in my head, they are just there, and blurry.

and just after i got my lunch ready, i made a visit to the washroom.

thankfully i managed to get some food down. AT LEAST.

how long will you stay man?

normal sick span for me is 1 week. long enough already. but it's more than that.

aigoo.

what m/o are you?

wondering if i should head to bed now.

but it's okay too, cos i'm able to lay in bed for quite some time till rise and shine. (:

maybe a little more while.

okay maybe now.

gah.

2011-06-06T23:27:00.001+08:00

i was being such a bitch today.

i just had the urge to start bitching about you.

i really don't understand why.

everyone has got 24 hours each.

why isit that you are using it differently and taking advantage of people?

will it do you benefit?

i suppose it will, else you wouldn't have.

aigoo.

the more i look into it, the more the avoiding feeling will come.

why not skip this whole week uh?

can get A already.

okay, bitching stops right here.

ive exploded to many time in a day.

you read me well eh?

everytime i'm depressed, everytime i'm at my lowest point in life, everytime i'm feeling the weakest,

there you are.

reading me like a book.

and once it starts, there's many many follow ups to come, in times that can be good or bad.

i thought i was well.

and then it started all again today.

it was acid out first, then half digested food.

yuck.

stopped medication, guess i gotta continue again.

i'm feeling thinner.

which is bad.

i'm eating alot lesser for dinner since last week. due to loss of appetite.

that's really bad.

i cannot afford to fall sick, cos everytime i do, my weight reduces.

really.

and i need a few more months before i'm back to normal.

exams just round the corner.

everyone has started except for me.

efficiency speed up, engines start.

glad that i overcame the fatigue in me.

else i would be like normal, accomplishing nothing.

i really hate 9ams.

if not for the peak hour, if not for the early wake up call.

let's hope for a better day tmr.

WEEKENDS! (:

2011-06-06T00:35:00.001+08:00

happy. (:

i love harmony. (:

went over to xiao jiu's house ytd.

gram and gramp went over to stay cos xiao jiu mu went overseas to jap.

marin looks so cute running around her own house.

keke.

loves her. <3

gramp helped me massaged the acupoints, felt much better now.

i'm not going to eat lok lok anytime soon.

thanks gramp. <3

went to marina square today.

and suntec.

marina square to get the leather care for sofa, but they took back the stock already.

so long didn't visit MSQ, only to realise that they've renovated the food court.

it's very pretty now, but the prices of the food have more or less increased too.

and the stall vendors aren't the same anymore.

except for jap, that same guy was still there.

headed to millennia walk to have a look at bose.

man, their sound system and headsets etc are totally, seriously awesome.

they did a demo of making you feel like you are on a plane, with all the engine noise, and got you to put on their headset.

geez.

damn good man.

cos it's super duper sound proof.

then went to carrefour for some grocery shopping.

keke.

we loaded it with many healthy foods! loves loves loves. <3

many fruits and veges and grains and milk. ^^

bought this tomato juice from korean supermart.

it was super sweet unlike other that i've tried before.

still yummy! (:

saw this wine ice cream.

super cool.

so wanna try, but it's costly like $18.50. =/

and there's a sign that says you gotta be 21 to consume or purchase it.

cannot figure out why.

firstly, the legal age to consume alcohol here is 18.

and plus there's ONLY 5% alcohol in this ice cream..

can check out more at their website: http://www.mercersdairy.com/Wine_Ice_Cream_home_page.php

keke.

apple pie!

long time didn't eat already.

finally used this ageyo cup. <3

and this was for supper.

hot chocolate in new cup plus apple tart. yummy. (:

cut up fruits from grocery shopping for tmr's breakfast!

healthy and yummy.

museli with almonds, hazelnuts, dried raisins, and the above contents.

which contains strawberries, blueberries, and tomato!!!!

tomato were super sweet, not at all sour.

these were taken last tuesday during our pract. ^^

we were supposed to do foaming-meringue, and it looks like cocktail.

beautiful.

mango salad dressing.

awesome!

and since we have got left over eggs, we decide to make egg pancakes! (: (: (:

kekeke. I LOVE EGGS!

WONDERFULLY DONE.

YUMMY MAX! (:

ending this post with this picture.

captured it one morning when i was up.

reflected from my yqrlslt pagoda.

yeppeo.

nights! (:

make up lesson at 9am tmr.

sian ttm.

shall turn up late, like i care.

gah.

keke. ^^

2011-06-03T22:01:00.001+08:00

omg.

let me just illustrate it to you.

this whole feeling is like pain, discomfort just below the ribcage.

seriously super uncomfortable.

like all the food you've eaten is cramped at the space there and they are camping there refusing to leave and proceed to small intestine.

it's not bloated, it's just discomfort totally.

you can feel that the upper abdomen is totally full, yet the lower abdomen is totally empty.

and the worst thing right now, is that there's no way i could have got them out.

the vomiting have stopped, and there's no shit yet.

drinking water doesn't help make them move either.

so i really don't know what to do.

aigoo.

visited cecelia ytd, she said it was indigestion.

=.=

she said that my stomach is full of acid, and that the food are fermenting in there.

rolled eyes. hello, food fermenting in there?

what's this all about?

have never ever heard of such a thing in my whole life.

and it's due to some food that have triggered it.

lok lok was the cause then.

swaying sideways and almost fainting would have been due to lack of blood glucose then.

took my medication, and after 30 hours, i finally managed to complete my meal.

sliced fish soup, and some bread from the bakery.

you know, the whole feeling of being able to eat is just so great, awesome. (:

and with the acid and with the loss of appetite, i suppose if i still can't get food into my system, i would have been in the hospital needing blood glucose transported to my bloodstream.

ugh.

aish.

had very very little for dinner..

right now, i just want my appetite to be back.

i just want the girl who could eat anything she wants. =/

i hate this feeling of starving, famished.

because it scared me when i was young.

i swore that i would not have let myself go hungry.

grah.

this damn awful feeling.

please please please go away can? please? =/

2011-06-01T23:47:00.001+08:00

i freaked out totally and got super duper stressed today when my friends actually brought textbooks to study for biostats and i didn't.

so worried.

i did start out my revision since monday, but then you know, seeing them being hard working whereas you've got nothing to do, there's just this psychology thing going on.

it's like everything piled up and then explains why.

i feel that ever since i've moved in, whenever there's quiz or test, no matter how much i prepare, i tend to get nervous worrying about whichever parts i might miss out and stuff.
why like that?

9am routine for tmr again.

i'm tired of it, i hate the 9am routine.

the crowd at the bus stop is crazy, terrible.

the working crowd, the PEAK hour.

over peak already lor, super many people.

average also 50 people at the bus stop.

zzzzzzzzzzzz.

i don't feel like facing what comes tmr.

2011-06-01T20:42:00.001+08:00

oh my what a day..

everything side tracked during lunch.

i entered the canteen, and i saw this familiar-to-the-core face.

and i cannot believe it.

i felt neutral at first, i was surprised there wasn't any hatred.

and then that pang of sorrow, nothing but sorrow hit.

and then my emotions just slipped all the way down.

how could anyone, ANYONE on earth look so alike????

it was so difficult to forget, and then this familiar to the core face appears.

WTH.

then i tried hard to shake off this feeling, but then it stayed all the way.

anxiety came too.

close to emotional breakdown man.

right after SNR, i started throwing up.

geez. =/

like all of my lunch.

i know there was something weird going on, but i didn't knew there was more to expect.

right after school ended, my feet got cramps.

and it took 10 mins before the veins untwist themselves.

it's still happening now, and i don't know how to stop it.

as i walked out of school, holy crap.

i see white.

and instead of walking straight, somehow somehow, i swayed to the left unconsciously.

thank goodness shi ning was walking beside me, cos then i grabbed her bag for support, else you would have seen me hit the pavement.

seriously, what the hell was wrong.

i came home and then i had dinner.

the portion was small enough already and i still end up throwing up partially.

i'm losing the strengths in my leg and body.

i stand too long, i start to sway and they turn jelly.

i walk and at times i see shades of white.

i've rest, i've ate-i dunno if it counts, but still..i've taken medication.

i hope it gets well.

tummy is upset, it's feeling so weird and i've never feel anything like this before.

PRAY.

i wanna eat, being able to eat and being healthy is really a simple blessing. (:

cos nothing gets further down my stomach now.

they go the reverse way.

2011-05-31T00:08:00.001+08:00

dreads.

it's another start of 9am routine starting from tmr again..

i will be knocked dead when thursday comes and i really hate to doze off during lectures.

su shan just lent me the time traveller's wife.

total of 600 plus pages.

my challenge to complete it asap.

weekends

2011-05-30T00:27:00.001+08:00

okay.

i think i was supposed to blog, but never mind. (:

just a brief one will do. (:

oh yeah, have been linking i'm going to confess by FT island with the previous book!

they match great.

wonderful song, awesome book. (:

panda movie on saturday.

haha we finished the popcorn. ^^

the movie was not too bad, but then daddy said it wasn't nice cos he hadn't laughed till ROF.

LOL.

headed to gran's after that.

keke.

i love the trust between marin and i.

love it and never hope to break it.

cos it's really lovable when she gets scared and comes running to you, for a hug or cuddle.

heh.

she kissed me on the lips too!

she stole everyone's first kiss, and we stole her's too.

haha.

but she was being naughty cos she didn't want to consume any food.

hmm i suppose she just want to eat on her own.

she don't want anybody to feed her using any cutlery but with hands.

haha this cutie.

at times i look at her, it brought back memories of cuteness.

at time i look at her, it pains because i wonder how will she be when she grows up.

i wonder how anything would affect her, and it would really hurt one if she isn't able to live well like other kids.

such a cutie, but god is unfair to take away her health.

today, all plans went haywire.

was supposed to head over to suntec and marina square, but ended up not going.

shakes head.

childish, unreasonable, got gold in mouth.

cannot stand it.

thoughts

2011-05-28T00:17:00.001+08:00

just finished low kay hwa's you are here.

the plot is deeply etched in my mind.

wonderful story, but i don't like cos it was a sad ending.

now i understand why your reactions were like that.

can totally understand.

am so so so so glad i studied and took up psychology, cos there were a few technical terms inside the book and i understood them all.

kekeke.

so glad. (:

the story makes me wonder how can someone love for so hell damn long.

15 years, hello.

you know, i have always always been wondering what would i do if i were to see you.

cos i would never want to cross paths with you again. NEVER.

and then i thought about jere, what happened when i first saw him, and what happens if i saw him now.

that uneasy feeling will be there, but then the memories are somehow distant.

they were there, but then you can't remember the details or the way they hurt you.

and then i wondered if i had moved on.

i wanna put all behind me, but it isn't as easy as it seems.

why did i started in the first place?

if knowing the process was so difficult..

i wonder how long exactly will it be this time round.

there's this cycle.

you fall in love, and then break off ending up hurt again.

you recuperate, you fall in love again and then hurt again.

hurting, betrayals, lies made you so afraid to commit in another relationship, and makes you be cautious about it too.

that if you devote too much, the harder you fall.

but being cautious means not putting enough trust, but trust breaks one.

ironic isn't?

i'm glad i survived today.

lessons were 8 to 6.

and ytd ended at 6 too.

was like so freaking tired when i climbed to bed last night, and then thinking of the damn short time i have with my bed.

woke up the next feeling irritated and annoyed due to the lack of sleep.

cos anyone can get into my way and my temper will increase. very easily.

it's amazing how sleep can affect your mood so much.

cos no one sees it.

why can't it be feeling and seeing is the same?

or do we just believe what we see?

i look into my reflection and ponder, everyday.

photo sharing. (:

2011-05-28T00:14:00.001+08:00

yummy hotplate at century food court. (:

bought a pink organiser to store my stuff. (:

SWEETS from mini toons! hadn't had them for a long long time! (:

i love the down light.

can't see the effect here though.

was seating at the dinning table and saw the down light, so randomly took a snap. (:

winnie pooh and friends wrapper that my friend printed to wrap my present! (:

so cute. (:

and my belated present! (:

BUKIT TIMAH! just some pictures though. ^^

the wet quarry, the reflection on the water amazes me. (:

so not singapore right! ^^

actually wanted to show that it is a very steep slope.

but then, didn't manage to capture the effect.

looks like straight road hor. =/

TUMBLR

haha if they ever appear.

if a guy really loves you, he would run after you and stop you from going.

hehe. ^^

the first thing i thought of this picture was: this would make an awesome breakfast for your day.

with the addition of some grains food. heh. (:

antioxidants and carbo and fibre.

nutritious.

okay, the end! (:

half a week gone

2011-05-25T23:39:00.001+08:00

was supposed to blog a few days ago.

but then kept putting off the idea cos stayed up till too late, else was doing stuff till too late.

today, finished by stuff already, so can spend some time blogging.

hopefully am able to blog fast. ^^

but then i think i've forgotten to complete some things, feeling weird.

aigoo.

lips feeling dry, tiny ulcer in mouth, throat feels funny.

sick is on the way to visit. =|

ooo.

currently in love with FICTION!!!

hohoho.

love it ttm.

and on rainy days. their vocal cords are like...whaooooooo.

<3 <3 <3

in love with many many new songs released recently, esp those who got onto mucore/mubank and stuff.

K-POP! =d

went out with mum on mon.

went searching for my new wallet.

have been looking for quite a while, but no ideal ones.

it's either design nice, but compartments not too practical, else everything nice but price not nice.

i saw one at isetan, really really not bad. but the price was $139.

the other one i saw, was at kiki.i. leather was beautiful super duper awesome i loved it loads and then turned to see the price $250.

really.speechless.

so heart wrenching know.

then bought 2 jeans.

heh.

need to replenish them cos i gotta wear them for AT LEAST 3 times per week. =/

ytd.

hahaha. =D

received my belated present from my friends!

they got me a guess wallet!

like ahhhhhh. =DDD

i liked it alot. (: (: (:

thanks so much! (:

and a ear piece too.

but then mama already bought me headsets.

they said they bought it before mummy bought it for me.

haha.

kinchana!

i'll definitely be using them. (:

random, but i like shopping after school.

as long as bag load isn't too heavy.

i think i like shopping.

but then when you don't have your own $$$ to spend, it's..torturing.

cos you can't buy the things you like anyhow.

papa would scold and say i'm wasting his money.

goal for next holiday is to work and work and work and work and earn as much as possible.

having no own $$$ to spend is just horrible~

see nice things cannot buy, gotta think of spending papa's money wisely.

TORTURE!

today.

omg.

was.

hot.

and sweat.

and energy consuming.

but.

interesting, i think.

we went to bukit timah reserve.

nobody told us to wear sports shoes so we wore normal shoes.

and we ended up trekking/ hiking the hill/reserve in pumps and shoes and boots, for almost 3 hours?

had i known, i would have wore my sports shoe seriously.

you know the difference between wearing that and normal shoes??

it could have prevented me from leg cramps and sprains and whatever.

and i could have paced and trekked or hiked so much easier!

GRAH.

ALMOST couldn't carry on the walk.

if the leg cramps got worst, i swear it would hurt too much to even feel and move an inch.

and because we had early lunch at 10 plus, and field trip to the reserve to trek was only at 2 plus, 3; i could feel the blacking out effect.

thankfully, the guide leading us treated us lollipops, and i regained some carbo.

ohh.

ALMOST out of breath.

but lucky enough, i didn't die of breathless or asthma in there.

i might have decomposed there since it's so jungle-ly.

no one will discover.

there were wood logs, leaf litter, steps, stones, all nature stuff, obstacles along our trail.

it was really difficult.

but we overcame it all.

sorry but i'm really that weak, physical or mental stress can make me go haywire.

if not trained.

ANYWAY,

the reserve was pretty cool and stuff.

we ate LEAVES. haha. experimented on LEAVES.

from what i learnt, if you were to be lost in the jungle, fret not, worry not.

cos the jungle has got natural soap, bowls, supplements, food, umbrella, and fan for you.

all from different kinda leaves.

it's really another world to come across. (:

would love to visit there again, BUT i would be properly attired.

SPORTS SHOES, DRI FIT TEE OR SLEEVELESS TEE with long pants.

i wore normal tee with jeans and during the trek, and i sweated like i've never sweated before.

shall upload the photos some other time. (:

9am again for tmr.

till 6.

i hope i survive.

2011-05-21T23:33:00.001+08:00

the 70 coffee capsules arrived.

dulsao do brasil was so so so yummy. (:

really smooth without that tingly bitterness after drinking it. (:

i hadn't tried onirio..

cos mama said there's the bitterness at the end.

might try it someday.

beautiful. (:

top 3 are for pop, those blackish capsules, intensity 10.

me cannot stand it.

dulsao do brasil is the beige one. (:

intensity 5. (:

coffee cup is outdated. ^^

will be changing a new set soon. (:

remember i once said that everything i brought to school was pink?

there.

pink planner which looks like a wallet from shu ya, pink fluffy pencil case, pink markers and pens and pencil and stapler.

pink headphones and pink file and pink bag which i didn't capture. (:

2011-05-21T23:05:00.001+08:00

today, was tiring.

today, we skipped gran's and had pizza cos the touch up ended only at 5 plus.

i woke up for less than 10 mins and then the touch up guys were here.

with my blur face i went to open the door and it was so ps.

by making the house more perfect, they made it more dirty too.

it was so dusty, with all the drillings and shifting and stuff.

aigoo.

didn't even had the chance to bath until 8 plus just now.

dinner was super late at 7.30.

if you compared, normal saturday house chore would have all ended by latest 3.30pm.

today, when we finally completed everything from mopping to scrubbing and washing the bathrooms and wiping all furnitures and glass and mirrors making them sparkling clean, it was 9pm.

mirrors alone, in this house, was already like AT LEAST 10.

add on to the glass pieces, was like 20 plus in total, if i didn't failed my maths calculations.

don't unnderstand how i actually managed to get a cut at the bottom of my toe.

thank you, to you, for your reassurance.

if everyone could see it like you do, grateful.

makes me wanna work harder for whatever it is, and not give up.

yesterday, i went for the last treatment.

it was..

depriving.

pain.

sometimes for the good, sometimes for the bad.

sometimes i ask, isit worth it?

it hurts, it's torturing and it's ugly too.

impatient aries cannot wait anymore.

been holding on for too too too long.

because when can a miracle happen?

like i've been blindly chasing after something for so long when it is not at all possible.

it makes me wonder if i do not have the right..

working hard isn't my forte, but i know this time round i am, really am.

here i am.

at this spot, i don't know how close or how far am i towards the goal.

there aren't any checkpoints, sadly..

aish.

what's my fate?

TEKONG (:

2011-05-19T00:09:00.001+08:00

it would be great if i could finish blogging within 15 minutes.

wanna sleep by 12. ^^

anyway, tekong trip today!!!

hahahaha.

it was amazing man!

perhaps it was the fact that we entered a restricted area, that except for army people, normal people like us won't ever be able to get in and have a look.

i don't know if this the perspective of a girl..

but whao!

we took a ferry called penguin across to tekong island.

then we were brought to the lecture hall for some army videos and some intro about army stuff like physical training etc.

it was interesting to know. (:

then we walked about their camp area.

was introduced to the food they ate.

it was yummy though.

taste and stuff was there, just maybe lack abit of texture.

but can't complain much, it's considered great food in army wor.

plus plus plus plus plus, they say, for pampered people nowadays, there's a can of nescafe coffee inside the ration bag!!!

i was like, mouth open big only.
SERIOUSLY!

oh ya, they eat food in paste form.

omg. how do they survive?

imagine eating chicken rice in paste form??

CANNOT IMAGINE.

and their bunks.

haha.

no air con, but then, i suppose it was WAY WAY WAY better than olden times.

much much much more spacious and the bed, whao, it was firm and not thin and floppy.

OH!

kekeke.

i tried to shoot with a erm.cannot identify if it's a rifle or gun.

BUT it was COOL!

holding a real gun on hand.

ahahaha.

but it was too heavy for me to hold, plus i couldn't find the plus sign in the scope, so didn't shoot. =/

all in all, it was really really another eye opener for me.

like what my senior said: ONCE IN A LIFETIME! DEFINETELY WORTH IT! (:

awesome!!!

plus there were broad skies, and plans so low and big! AND seas and waves.

LOVE IT! (:

just that i didn't get to hear them, that's all.

contented already!

happy me. (:

vesak day

2011-05-18T00:49:00.001+08:00

whoopeee.

vegetarian for whole day. (:

happy.

tekong BMTC trip tmr!

though it's strict, i hope it'll still be a fun thing though. (:

hehe.

SORRY FOR SPAMMING JJONG PICTURES. (after this post)

can skip them if they annoy you. ^^

went to walk around tampines eco park! (:

from my house till the entrance, around 2km of walk. around the park connector.

then the eco park itself, was 36.5 hectares.

total around 3km or more within the park itself.

so total kilometres covered today for me, was 9KM!!!!!

surprised at myself.

burned 150 calories, 5493 steps.

and then came back sticky like honey, smelly like smelly bug, red face for a tan skin like me.. imagine the sun.

spammed sun block and shampoo and soap.

haha, felt so refreshing after the bath. (:

saw birds and dragonflies and butterflies and bees and insects and reptiles there.

it's disgusting, but it was an eye opener.

for once, i loved the sun. (:

i did sweat, but i enjoyed the process.

there were breeze occasionally, and we could get some shade from the tree.

keke. ^^

great form of workout without having to exercise much. (:

headed to peh ling's restaurant for dinner.

expensive, and parents says aren't going there anymore.

quite true anyway.

sorry peh ling, can't patronise anymore.

oh!

went to BK to have selegie beancurd!!!!!!

omo i miss BK man.

i miss KFC, WATSONS and the beancurd right at your doorstep..

i miss the sheng siong being so close to our house that i can just pop down to buy something.

don't misunderstand, i love my house at tamp, but i miss the environment back in BK.

IF IF IF IF IF i could move the environment here.

k, more pictures of tamp house. (:

i love my bed, and the bedsheet.

because of the stripes, it feels so..you know.hotel-ly.

keke. <3

my table lamp. (:

my side table.

i like the design of the tissue there. (:

nights! (:

SHINee and JJONG <3 <3 <3

2011-05-17T23:55:00.001+08:00

SOOOOOO LOOKING FORWARD!!!! =DDDDD

grah. MELTED. and you captured me once more. <3

dunno what's with his face, BUT it has the ability to make you stop and look. (:

ALL CREDITS TO TUMBLR! (:

2011-05-15T23:55:00.001+08:00

aish~

reply when you like it, don't reply when you don't feel like it.

FML man.

why do i even know someone like you?

adding to my troubles.

what are friends for?

to be taken advantage of?

shit you then.

okay no more depressing topics, else it'll be another depressing horrible night again.

ugho.

strong wind tonight.

clock is up in my room.

it's so easy to lose track of time without a clock.

set off in the afternoon to pick up aunty emily and she accompanied us to walk about IFC area.

looked for dinning tables and coffee tables.

sofa will be arriving next week, friday. hopefully no cock ups.

they promised that the sofa will be made ready after 7 weeks.

long wait isn't, for a sofa.

hopefully it's worth the wait. (:

coffee capsules, ordered ytd afternoon, will be arriving on wed afternoon.

keke.

we ordered umm 70 capsules. (:

wonder how long it wil last us.

then went to aunt alice's house for dinner.

although there were only 3 dishes- curry vege, black fungus and mushroom stir fried sesame chicken and some vege, not sure about the name, it was enough to fill and satisfy my growling stomach. ^^

then we had green bean soup with sweet potato and macadamia mango cheesecake for dessert.

woots. yummy! (:

and sunkist orange juice as beverage.

yum yum yum.

e learning week this week, but no doubt, confirm got few days gotta go to school.

haish.

2011-05-15T00:09:00.001+08:00

feeling kinda frustrated at this moment.

was typing out my report but then turned to click on the blogging icon.

cos i can't take what's lying down there.

or am i just reading too much into things?

lost track of time again.

the thing with not having a clock in the room.

am hungry but then not in a mood to eat anything.

and it's late plus muesli would be too digestive for the going to regenerate stomach.

was playing cookie dozer for almost the whole day.

had i known that those fellows were coming at a later time, i would have slept like later instead of wasting my time up. =.=

went to grans.

heh.

marin was so fun to play with.

cute like....there's nothing to compare with.

i was lying on the bed, and then she came walking and then landed on the bed too.

then she climbed onto me treating me like a horse so i played along too.

acted like a horse and shook and played with her and she was giggling all about.

and then she wanted more.

ahahaha.

no doubt tmr my lower back would be aching like hell.

kinchana, it's for her.

love her soooooooo much. <3

i'm glad xiao jiu had the trust in me for being able to look after her. (:

it feels pretty much like a grown up. (:

but being a grown up means stepping out of your comfort zone.

hmmm.

will there be bitching if things worsen?

i'm sensing something, i trust my sixth sense.

or should i not probe into it?

like pek chek only.

reply if you like, reply if you care.

i just wonder how much do you care, how much am i worth, how much do you love.

aiiiigggggggoooooooo~~~~~~~~

picka (:

2011-05-14T00:37:00.001+08:00

dunno what to blog today.

so just upload some pictures. (:

more to come i guess. (:

was glued to the TV for like close to 3 hours today.

haha. shoik.

and then hooking onto ipad and iphone in school for games. (:

fun. kekeke. ^^

marin wearing her ultra big headphones! aha. <3

soommmee sneak peek into my room. ^^

i wanted to capture the sky view but then it was way too bright to be captured, but anway.there's it.

this tigger room! haha my tigger welcoming you to my room. (:

will be uploading more after capturing more nice ones. (:

my late birthday pressie from mum.

late come better than don't come was what she wrote to me, with loves. <3

special PINK edition!

like ittttttttt. (:

the leather so soft. (:

and i think that it matches great with nano! <3

gomawo umma. <3

2011-05-14T00:35:00.001+08:00

don't understand what's it with friday the 13th.

if this was a bad day then everyone on earth are gonna be unlucky on this day?

i mean c'mon, how could it be?

there's obviously no such thing.

i've been living on the THIRTEENTH floor for more than THIRTEEN YEARS soooooooo...what's the deal?

all is well and fine and good.

it's still a day afterall. (:

2011-05-11T23:38:00.001+08:00

omg psychology..

it's just a quiz man.

and it feels hard to score.

so afraid that preparation isn't enough.

so afraid that i might miss out on some details cos i focus on main point.

so afraid that i forgot to cramp somethings into my head.

so afraid that i would have forgotten all that i memorised by tmr's quiz time.

ahhhhhh. nervous.

today's pract test was okay.

but then i couldn't find the m/o for wet mount..

BUT i FINALLY found GRAM STAIN!!!!

WOOTS. oolala. ^^

happy like some crazy shit.

totally.

so super glad and so proud that i found it.

hehe.

i don't like being pushed to the extent where i've got no say, or where i've to look up upon you and seek or beg to give me a space to have the right to speak.

cannot believe that i'm blogging about you here.

grah.

too many times and it's getting into a habit eh?

why should i be letting you doing all these.

and why should i be tolerating all this.

like i knew the schedule.

i wasn't there okay. you guys were the one there and then informing me with information lacking here and there expecting me to figure out and when i asked i get this kinda attitude and such.

why should it be this way uh

like you take the win everytime at everything.

jealous much huh?

sometimes comments or jokes can be, but sometimes it's meant in another way and i sense it.

i'm not dumb okay. it's sooo insulting, meant to be comment-insult.

the thing is i'm always trying to please, trying so hard not to step on your tail and then you will turn back and bite me off.

and sometimes i just can't help to think, if it's my problem or your's.

cause i've tried so hard and soon, i will give up trying cos it's so torturing.

sorry man, not forgiven. you should have tried to control it much better.

if should we really quarrel, it will end up big and blow up big like a volcano man.

no joke.

seriously.

can you just grant me my wish?

what do i need to do?

time? still aren't long enough?

patience? gotta keep on waiting?

money? gotta keep investing till it gets well? worth it anot, in the first place?

what's the sacrifice? what's the price i have to pay for?

tell me, because i doubt again.

and i've been waiting for so long trying for so long, there's improvement but not yet there..

you know, i'm the impatient type.

maybe just give me some more results so that i will push myself harder?

begging for something i want so badly is so difficult to get.

and it's something i doubt anyone can give cause it's within you yourself.

random much once more

2011-05-10T23:37:00.001+08:00

ahh.

pract test tmr.

really hope that it won't be as screwed up as the previous time.

and can i like for once, able to get my microspic image for gram stain please..

heading to school for just an hour for pract test.

dumb anot?

speaking about dumb..

*shakes head*

i board the wrong bus today when heading home.

should have got onto 969 but got onto 965.

what was wrong with me man.

totally didn't realised, cos they travel the same expressway, but exit through different exit.

so when the bus turned out and i saw punggol area..

i was like what?

how come 969 turned out over here, like did it ran out of petrol or something went wrong or what?

ended up i realised i was on the wrong bus.

alighted and then hopped onto the taxi.

aigoooo.

how baka can that be?

can't believe this could happen to me.

hmm.

did i mention, that everything in my bag was pink ytd?

pink fluffy pencil case, pink L-folder, pink planner, pink wallet. (:

kekeke. ^^

when i type too fast and when they becomes thye, i think of you.

i now know why some friends can only be called friends and some are just more than that.

i know my difference between her.

but i don't understand why, and at times, i don't know my status.

cannot afford to be late for tmr.

wish me luck.

2011-05-10T00:02:00.001+08:00

school at nine, up at six tmr.

so better hurry get to bed soon.

breakfast tmr will be museli with almonds, nuts, raisins and fresh bananas with milk. (:

awesome. (:

feeling quite accomplished.

another set of psychology notes done again.

if this speed is kept, i'll be okay for quiz on thursday.

but then there's pract test on wed which i ain't the least prepared for.

i don't wanna have cock ups like the previous time.

pract test are meant to score.

ugh.

promised myself to at LEAST start abit on report.

did it.

haha.

though sometime was carried away by FB and that birdie.

realised i stopped blog hopping.

it's just once in a while, because i get tired of seeing the same page.

went to AMK before going to school.

feeling great cos shopped again.

heh.

replenished the little things i have at home. ^^

tonight should be all right, quite breezy.

or maybe it's just cos i'm seating right in front of the window and fan speed is two.

at least i'm not feeling the heat luh.

shuya's birthday today.

happy birthday friend! (:

2011-05-09T01:08:00.001+08:00

going to be 1pm soon.

will sleep after blogging.

and turn on the air con.

humid like what like that..

the last post was just a super short cut cos haven't quite gotten ready what to express.

so on friday, i wondered if it was remembering day.

grah.

i dislike.

so after meeting with shuya, i alighted at BK and then took bus home.

natural instinct after heading out of the station was to turn left.

not wrong, but distance would be abit nearer if i turned right.

i had the urge to walk back to BK home..

but well, home isn't there anymore.

so took 23, and know what?

my heart was pounding hard that i won't see you.

thank goodness.

won't ever ever ever ever in my life wanna cross paths.

ewwwwww.

saturday was celebration for mother's day at gran's.

fun. (:

feast again, and then played with marin.

she cute little baby.

does she know that she is loved by so many of us?

she wanted to use sis' mixstar headphone so we helped her put it on.

and she looked soooooooo cute with her head being so small and the headphones being bigger than her head.

plus, as we played dream high's theme song, she kinda danced to the beat.

cute max! =DD

stayed up till 4 last night for the elections.

really really really a pity for aljunied, for george yeo.

everyone's heart goes out to him.

and there's so much discussion going on about TPL.

whao.

she's really unlucky to be in parliament at this time.

so many people shooting her.

today was just some routine family day.

but then i slept till almost 12 midday cos of last night.

didn't knew i slept till so late.

though i know it's mother's day.

umm but then weird cos my family don't really celebrate mother's day..dunno why either.

tmr.

school starts at 3pm.

glad.

but then meeting at 12pm to get some reports and printing done.

can sleep till sun shines in.

aweeesssooommmee. (:

but then when the curtains are drawn..the sun can barely shine in cos our curtains are like only 10-20% light penetrating.

you know those hotel kinds, those are 0% light penetrating.

so mine just has got that teeny weeny little bit of light even though it's midday with the curtains drawn, and my room becomes really really dark.

keke.

some more notes to go and then bedtime.

SNUGGLES! ^^

My talk on elections

2011-05-07T23:50:00.002+08:00

Man.
People who vote for opposition part and rebutting PAP..
I think they are just damn immature and sickening.
I heard this somewhere: "telling PAP to fuck off is just like telling your mother who gave birth to you to fuck off"
Seriously true max.
Young people don't think about what PAP have done.
Only think about being rebellious and opposing and about PAP bad points.
And another that George yeo has said: a fiancé who promise you to give you everything you want, from diamonds to money to status an stuff, and another fiancé who promise you that although he might not be able to give you such items, whenever he has the capability to do so, he will and definitely will.
Which fiancé will you choose?
True max.
Super pissed off.
Assssssholes.

2011-05-07T00:12:00.001+08:00

feeling lazy to brush teeth.

only wanna jump onto bed and snore till tomorrow morning.

keke.

badminton today morning.

awesome. (:

always love the bath after sweat. (:

then met shuya for dinner.

awesome too. ^^

love the pressie so much!

looks like a wallet but it's a dairy AND it's PINK cum WHITE in colour!!!!

GOMAWO! =D

celebrating mother's day tmr.

don't look forward to weekly house cleaning tmr.. =/

thinking of needing to wipe and dust off so many items.

annyeong.

2011-05-05T23:42:00.001+08:00

haha report done. (:

satisfied.

badminton tmr.

yipee.

the sound of the planes roaring in the night sky.

just wonderful.

feeling awesome right now. heh. ^^

plus tmr can sleep till sunlight shine in.

3 cheers for that. (:

food review 2, and BK moving.

2011-05-04T00:26:00.001+08:00

so like i said, if anyone thinks moving is easy, here's some pictures for you.

messy house full of boxes and stuffs.

i'm glad it's over. (:

funny enough, it's been long since i've moved in and out but this the first time i'm uploading some pics. ^^

this is how the house look like the day we moved in from BK.

this is just a portion of the house stacked with this, there's another portion somewhere else..

close to 50 boxes remember?

the boxes all packed (30 plus of them) from BK back to tamp.

THIS is BK! =D

this is why i've been complaining when i was first at BK.

see that flat outside the window?

that's the view for 2 months..

and is also the reason for blocking away my wind, never mind no planes and stars.

AND if that flat wasn't blocking...

THIS could have been the view.

CITY VIEW FOR CHRIST SAKE.

if you notice clearly enough, you can actually see singapore flyer.

living hall

dinning area

my bedroom, still messy cos this was taken during our first day there.

walk in wardrobe for all 5 of us.

all of our clothes stuffed into this place.

and this was the soft toy parade i was mentioning about..

haha.

kawii right?

but it will spoil the whole design if i were to leave it like that. ^^

following are the pictures when we went to asian kitchen.

average food with overly charged price.

plus portions were so small.

cheat money?

oyster mee sua. i don't like those green green thing on top.

umm braised/roasted duck.

this one was the most edible out of all.

some tofu thing

braised pork noodle.

fried rice which i think my downstairs tzi char store fries better.

that one nearest to you, braised meat rice.

see that ALL the servings are so tiny?

my stomach was just like teeny weeny full after this. =.=

annyeong.

hope you enjoyed the pictures! (:

mummy's birthday.

2011-05-03T23:38:00.001+08:00

starter's @ chef's daniels' restaurant.

umma's cod fish. $20

my braised galangal duck-one of their best dish. $20

daddy's lamb loin or something.

hadn't taste lamb before, had a little piece of it and it tasted like.

chicken? hard chicken?

i dunno..

haha.

mushroom fried rice. looks the most unappealing, BUT this one was the BEST.

no kidding, really. and it's ONLY $14. the taste is like one and only, no other.

mushroom cooked till really soft, but still springy.

rice was fried till the aroma of mushroom was diffused in your whole mouth when

you savour it. <333

brownies for dessert.

oishi. masshisoyo.

though it seems fattening, the taste will do you away with the guilt.

umma's special dessert, some alaska ice cream thing with coconut.

umm it's really special..but then i don't know how to appreciate luh..

nice too. (:

her' pressie and her cake.

yummy.

the icy creamy durian feeling. <3

happy. (:

2011-05-03T23:21:00.001+08:00

oh well it's definitely not the best time to be doing over here blogging, but then i've done tutorials for the day and stuff, though there's still more if i wanna do.

so blog. (:

had this in mind to share some pictures once again, but then i either end up blogging till to late else limited time..

seriously blogging isn't anything difficult.

there's so much to talk about, unless you are busy, that gives you like no reason not to blog..

well my point of view though.

or might just be a crazy blogger like me that has such a crazy thinking.

some words before pictures i guess. (:

okay~

so sunday was spent at BK! (:

only evening luh.

met landlord and then settled money stuff, then umm headed to the hawker centre to dine for the last time. =/

though we can still head back there, but i doubt so. rare chance.

had chicken rice. yummy yummy. queued for like 15 mins or so before having it.

but i know it's worth the wait. <3

monday was labour day.

but then we headed out to do project.

it was pleasant day though.

really really pleasant day. (:

weather was pretty fine.

and we were efficient and completed stuff we should complete. (:

then shopped around for mum's present before heading home.

satisfied with my choice.

heh she liked it and it's useful to her. (:

think she teared when i gave it to her during midnight.

wonder if it was a surprise.

but..yeap. (:

then we went to iluma's chef's daniel for mum's birthday dinner.

yummy ttm! (:

and really really really reasonable price for the food and ambience okay..

like dinning in 5 star hotel restaurant or something, and then great really delicious food, but price is just like swensen's or maybe just a LITTLE LITTLE bit more.

it's like..how can somebody whip up such great food????

then we headed to GWP to get mum's durian cake.

haha. just had it after dinner.

yummy too! (:

awesome man.

oh yeah!

last night..

man!

there were many many planes!!!!

was excited and so happy. <3

i totally love it when they fly across my piece of sky.

awwwwwwwwwwwww~

plus i saw one while lying done before actually falling asleep.

hahaha. =D

gah, i realised i'm combining mon and tues stuff together.

haha.

wondering if anyone understands what i typed. ^^

seems like i'm just blabbering out whatever i planned to say.

aha.

kinchana. (:

school hasn't been that smooth, but it's okay.

it'll work out, i believe. (:

okay, PICTURES! (:

3 days after.

2011-05-01T00:21:00.001+08:00

still adjusting though.

but hmm.
it's home.

and i realised today, that i miss BK.

argh.

today, we did shopping again. (:

went to IKEA to get my table lamp.

pretty and fits my room. (:

bought bins and looked for stools and chairs too.

but couldn't find an ideal one so we dropped the idea.

and cups for guests when they come. nice nice. (:

oh ya, and clock too.

cos the old one had a crack.

then dinner at hao nian.

yummy.

cos we were all so hungry.

bak ku teh, pig trotters, preserved vege with pork, cereal beancurd, luo han zai.

all for less than $55, which is so worth it cos it's delicious compared to the one we went ytd.

anger filled our tummy before anything, food lao ya, pricing lao ya, service also super lao ya.

ordered only 4 small pathetic not so nice dishes

heh, kinchana. =D

went to metro to look for bedsheets.

cos we needed two sets.

i've got one already, just finished drying today and just got set up.

yeppeo. (: but still prefer my previous one cos it's old and soft and smooth and cooling fabric. (:

sis got one too, cos she can't find her ideal one last week.

lil sis got another one this week, so she's already got 2 sets.

i still can't find the one which i like..it's either to expensive for one, else don't have the size, else don't have the colour.. =/

andd, we got our mattress protector. (:

and and and, we finally collected our coffee maker.

hahaha. (:

finally get to sleep with the curtains drawn last night.

really dark and really blocked all the sunlight in the morning.

cos when i woke up and attempted to draw open the curtains, i had to close my eyes cos not there was such a major difference between the amount of light in the room and the outside world.

thinking whether to have bread talk right now..it's already past midnight.

or should i just head to bed..

moving in.

2011-04-28T23:08:00.001+08:00

it was so hard to believe that i was going to sleep in my room ytd night.

because the whole feeling is just weird.

but the bed was really so comfy that i didn't had any difficulty falling asleep, or maybe i was just too tired.

anyway, moved in ytd.

and within a day, my efficient family unpacked close to 50 boxes of stuffs, 18 years of items.

was gonna have a soft toy parade, but it didn't fit the theme so i just picked a few to accompany.

no choice, no one to accompany me so it's left them to accompany me.

plus the bed would be too big to fit me and pillow bolster chip tort blanket. ^^

so now, my study table is situated in a way such that i've got one side of my table facing the window, where i can have the breeze and the planes and stars.

heh.

happy.

i miss them while at BK.

and the other side of the table facing the wall. (:

satisfied with my room.

small and cosy and not too big.

i've got this thought that though i'm back in tamp at my "new" house, i hope that i step out and see BK.

wishful thinking though..but yeah.

i miss the neighbourhood there.

hmm.

food paradise.

i wonder how did i survive here for so long when there's so much great food there.

i want a day where i can sleep till the sun is up cos then i get a chance to draw my curtains.

aha lol.

but apparently i've still got to wait for the weekends which is one day away.

plus tmr can't sleep in cos got stupid BDD at 9.30.

aigoo.

now i'm gonna complete or save the report and head off to bed asap.

dead beat max.

and i suppose this is the shortest i can post my blog about moving in cos i know there's more to talk about but i'm so tired now that i just wanna anyhow write and get it done with..

nights earthlings. (:

the last

2011-04-27T00:33:00.002+08:00

I'm really tired btw just want to say: its my last day here.
My last night here sleeping with sis beside me....
Aigoo.
Today was the last day walking home from school.
Last time buying and having dinner here.
Sorry but really cant help it..

Feeling so much better with the air con on now...(:
Hmm shall sleep and enjoy my night here.
Lethargic.

on the move~

2011-04-26T00:21:00.001+08:00

sorry, but it can't be helped.

posts recently will either be of school, else moving.

cos it's the highlight of my life right now.

hia hia.

woke at 7 plus today to help out at tamp. (:

totally worth it.

if not waking up at 7 plus i think i can pig till 10 plus.

heh.

so, by right, schedule for today was-

bed arrrival: 10-12pm

storage boxes arrive: 11pm

arrival of curtains: 12pm.

sofa arrival: 2-4pm

end up, from period of 10.30 to 11.30, all came!

and mind you, not only the things arrive, they've got to drill and put them up and assemble them and stuffs okay..

not simply deliver the item.

so school starts at 1pm, so i've gotta leave the latest by 11.40..

so i only had the luck to see half the assembling of the sofa, a bit of drilling the tracks for the curtains, and the storage stuffs and our bed.

kinchana, i'm contented to see my bed.

cos i was excited and waiting for it. (:

anyway, it was fun to have gone through all these, because they won't happen again.

heh.

i'm glad i decided to go and help out. (:

but not for wed..sad that.

cos can't skip pract.

and even if skip lect in afternoon, it is already over.

so..yeap.

no choice~

having really mixed feelings about moving out and in again.

feeling like staying here longer, but then again, wanting to experience life in new home that i've been looking forward to since 2 months ago..

then thinking again, doing the same routine again, and then not able to experience as much travelling experience as here, umm..not having good food etc..

it pulls me back to staying.

hmm..

the last day i'll be heading back here from school.

but that might change too, cos maybe pa and ma want us to head to tamp house for some unpacking.

plus we gootta do packing of the final stuffs we left here at BK for wed.

so fast..

wed morning, i'll bade farewell to this place.

wed evening, i'll be headed back to my very own home.

wed night, would be the first night i'll be spending in my very own room, alone.

gah..

and tues night, which is tonight, all would be down with final packing..

whao..

humph.

let's hope that all goes well. (:

counting down, to moving back.

and counting down, to days left staying here~

my weekend. (:

2011-04-25T01:45:00.001+08:00

blogging time!

though it's kinda late.

but i want to, cos i'm feeling like sharing my weekends and i should have blogged on fri but dragged till now.

so on goodie friday, we were up at tamp doing clean up for majority of day.

that day felt so like saturday.

well, if anyone thinks or feels that cleaning up a house after renovating is an easy task, you are so so so wrong.

cos there was so so so much dust that:

-instead of cloths or mops or water turning black, they turned greyish colour instead.

-we had to wipe the drawers/cupboards for more than thrice for the dust/contaminants to be removed, not yet cleaned or sanitized.

analogy: like scraping off the residues off the plate after you have eaten, but yet to be washed.

-for the flooring, after using the magic broom and the normal broom swiping for like what 5, 6 times, the floor is still dusty. like powdery only.

man, it was really tough work man.

many places to clean up, many compartments in cupboard, top to bottom, bending here and there, bruises and cuts while wiping and bumping else abrasion against something.

gah..

BUT, supposedly this is all the hard work needed when dad invested so much.

grandpa and ma and godma and pa and coussies came over while we were cleaning.

first guests to visit.

it was FUN! (:

to hear their comments. (:

then we had dinner with them and there was laughter and chatter all around.

felt just like a saturday at gran's. (:

me lovee it. (:

so on saturday, we didn't went to gran's cos we were home packing away.

my pop and umma and sis were packing at such an amazing zooming speed that most of the things were done within less than 2 hours.

course i helped out, but i'm totally amazed that we could complete it so quickly.

so cupboards here at BK are basically empty.

except for some necessities.

last night, it felt to empty to be sleeping in there.

then we went to city square and nex in the evening.

car was resting away at carpark cos we took public transport instead!

it's fun to do some travelling like that as a whole.

cos i enjoyed it. (:

dinner was at the asian kitchen, servings were small and not filling and expensive.

food were nice but not exceptionally nice though.

then we had dessert at some dessert teahouse.

walked around and finally bought ss fitted sheet that we had been looking for.

a big sigh for this, cos the fitted sheet that i wanted, those hotel style kinds, were way to expensive.

sad max, really.

i, or maybe we, had spent long time searching for fitted sheets but no ideal ones.

BUT, when i finally found one that i love it SO MUCH..the price pulls me down.

so i had no choice, but go for the other.

SIGH! =/

and with that i was pouting and sulky all the way cos it's just sigh sigh sigh.forget it.

i'm not fated to decorate my room with my ideal design. =(

everything for my room is really well, everything i chose was right, just this fitted sheet thing (oops, i almost spelled sheet as shit~ ) that went so way wrong. ):

now it's just left with the curtains to be up to determine my room.

it could give it a bonus, else a disappointment which can pull the whole design down.

fingers crossed! =X

dad bought a coffee maker that he was dying to have.

i dunno the practical use of it, but we'll see.

his money, so just let him spend it the way he likes, i'm not gonna interfere. (:

sun.

back up to tamp again.

another round of cleaning.

but dad and i made two trips to and forth BK and tamp.

to bring up all the ironed clothes, cos we can't simply dump them into boxes right?

they'll get crumpled.

we went up and down from house to car for almost 6 times just to bring down the whole family's ironed clothes.

tiring man.

can die.

and of course, ppl were staring like eye balls gonna pop out.

geez.

when all cleaning was done, i laid down on the laminate of my room.

to get a feeling of how would it be like sleeping there.

everything felt surreal.

it didn't felt like two months at all.

to think that we had actually complained so much when we moved over, only to realise this was such a beautiful place.

i will miss BK, really.

after mid week, no more selegie soya bean, no more running around the canal and CTE, no more 45 mins journey to school, no more 3 stops to city area, no more yummy hawker food, no more friendly people.

things that i'll miss.

hmm.

so fast, so quick, unimaginable.

it felt too real that everything was right in front of your eyes, and hard to believe that after 3 years, we had it.

it was and going to come true.

our wonderful home.

i love it, to bits and pieces.

and it's just that few more days that i get to sleep with sis, and then it will be converted to lonely me. ):

how do i cope when i have a companion to talk to for almost my life when i can't sleep or to confide in before bed and then now i'm going to spend days self coaxing or self talking to sleep.

miserable isn't it?

aigoo.

i can never handle loneliness. =/

i've decided, to wake early and follow appa and umma down.

i wanna see my bed and see the sofas if they arrive early enough before i head off to school. (:

it's worth my sleep. (:

the picture of you makes my heart flutters.

how can i know how do you feel about me, because i realised that after all these time, i'm still crushed so hard on you.

confession isn't my style, but leaving it isn't it either.

if you would feel the same..or maybe we are just too far apart.

i like you boy. =C

trying to forget is the hardest thing to ever do on earth.

my biggest regret.

ahhh.

i wonder if you still read it.

reminder to self: you've got better things to do than to corrupt your mind with this and better and much more worthy friends out there who you know cares about you.

i don't regret stepping back, but i regret stepping in.

because even after pulling back, it still feels like it is covered with mud and soil.

and trying so hard to remove so that there won't be a trace of them.

haha weird analogy from CJL.

tired me, bed time! (:

cca day. (:

2011-04-22T01:16:00.001+08:00

CLUB CRAWL 2011 WAS SO FUN! =DDD

totally high and stuff.

was shouting so much that voice become hoarse and sexy after i returned home.

performance by NYP CO was awesome max and fantastic!!!

makes me miss co too.. =/

seriously daebak man.

k pop songs, SHE medley songs, co songs, all were nice and soothing and also able to rock the house down.

whoo!

gah gah gah, i'm so proud of NYP CO, though i'm not part of it. heh. ^^

here's the link to k pop NYP CO: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PJv284OCyDQ

the link to SHE medley: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X6bxyIAq4lg&feature=related

can view all other amazing performances at the site! (:

foreign bodies brought in a great performance too.

plus the bonus for 2011 cc was that ballroom dance combined with foreign bodies!

totally cool max!

love it. =D

and and and, there was a shuffling session when all the lights were off and music were played!

jjang!!!! =DDD

AWESOME TTM! wahaha.

can't believe i had so much fun today.

had lectures in the morning, manageable.

and am so glad that i understood it all.

general psychology lecture, was psycho i think.

lol an enjoyable one too.

though i was kinda tired by that moment already.

lotsa research to do i guess.

plus we gotta watch horror movie-the sixth sense, like ahhhh.

horrified totally!!!

sis was reading my notes, though i read it before her and already knew we had to watch a movie for our assignment, but i didn't knew it was horror!!!

plus sis was just talking and talking about how cool isit and stuff, and i wasn't really paying attention till the point where she said: whao, you guys are going to watch a ghost movie!

assignment was: watch the sixth sense and summarise the on what the psychologist portrayed in the movie.

aigoo~

oh yeah! saw 2 koreans today.

at first i thought they were chinas and didn't notice.

till they stepped out of the train and i walked ahead of them, then i heard the korean lady said jincha?

then i thought maybe she was just anyhow using it, till the guy beside her replied with words like orthuke, eobso, and something yo and stuffs that i realised they were koreans. ^^

geez feels weird to hear them speak.

i saw the name E.C and my heart kinda skipped abit.

saw you and realised that maybe i should change my perspective of you.

was kinda disappointed when i didn't see you today.

but nevertheless..yeah.

met a super helpful guy in lect hall today.

and have been trying to recall who is he.

twice, on his own account, he helped out.

geez.

sweaty right now, feeling like bathing only.

twitter on laptop not working, cannot tweet. =/

just now, boxes should have came at around 8pm.

they delayed till 9 plus still no news.

called them to check with the delivery man, and they sms-ed saying delivery man met with small accident.

previously when we unpacked and had them to bring back the boxes, they didn't bothered too.

until we called them to come down, they didn't came too.

reason being: the vehicle was being repaired therefore we had no vehicle to do any delivery.

seriously i wonder if all were excuses only.

not first time somemore.

really cannot tahan, i want bang wall liao can.

house should be ready to move in.

started packing all cleaning materials for tmr at new house.

brooms, cloths, dettol, roller, rags, everything needed.

gonna spend the day cleaning house tmr.

whee~

fun. hehe. ^^

so tmr, up at 9, those boxes better arrive by 11am tmr since they promised, and then out by 12.30.

heading to bed right now, enjoy your holidays tmr peeps. (:

2011-04-19T23:49:00.002+08:00

Stomach is kinda filled with fluids right now. But not food. Heh.
Didn't had much for dinner, cos was very full.
But am hungry now and don't feel like having any late night snacks.
Finally completed my first set of notes after 4 hours?
But still not really satisfied with the speed I'm at.
Went through 2 lectures today and I left them behind.
Wanna make thus a constant work and keep it up.
It's year 2 for heaven's sake.. n_n

First day of school was boring ttm.
Fun and laughter wasn't there.

Today was okay.
Interesting lecture, funny moments, and out shopping after class. (:
Finally had mocha frappe at Starbucks.
Satisfied. =D
Went to nex with peh ling and then to city square by myself.
Discovered today that shopping alone isn't that bad and that scary after all.
Was manageable and somehow enjoyable. (:
Is nex really boring to shop?
Cos in my opinion it's quite a great mall, lotsa clothes if you really browse through the shops one by one.
Not exaggerating, but I've been there umm 3 or4 times, and it haven't bore me yet.
Each time i enter, there's still new things to see and buy. Seriously.
And I feel that it's rather big for a mall..
Mini vivo city in the north east was the first impression I had for it.
Heh. ^^

Bought another new book, hopefully it would be another enjoyable read.
Surely it would take longer than the previous one though it's a thinner book, cos I won't be hanging around it all day.
Especially now that school has started.

Oo yeah, storage guy got us family all mad today.
Cos it took us a hard time just to arrange a trip to storage to get something.
Excuses and reasons such as: boss is away and key is with him therefore we cannot access to your storage space.
So ridiculous.
The boss should have gave the keys to someone else ma..
Then everyone who needs to get their things out of there have to wait meh? What if they were shifting in or out that day and needed access to their belongings?
Brainless..
And when we tried arranging with them, they switched off their mobile phones, else don't pick up our calls.
Clever hor?
Totally irresponsible.
Don't even bother to return the call or take uo the responsibility.
What if someone left something important in there and need it right away?
That person might have died of waiting else get into trouble due to their irresponsibility.
Totally..speechless.
How do someone manage to operate their company in this manner?

Club crawl tmr! Hopefully it'll be fun.
Time for bed. (:

2011-04-17T23:15:00.001+08:00

i am bored so decided to blog.

laptop is lagging so much cos it's backing up.

and everything is hundred times slower than before.

am feeling tired, and i dunno what to expect for tmr.

it's just one hour in school cos first period practical has been cancelled.

supposedly moving back in another week or so.

that's so fast.

i'll miss this place man.

it's a place with great food, great transport, great people. (:

so close and convenient to the city, 3 mins walk to mrt station, friendly people in the neighbourhood, big hawker center filled with many good yummy award winning food.

feel like eating, feel like sleeping, but dunno what to eat, and it feels kinda early to sleep.

first day of school tmr!

feels kinda indifferent, yet might feel abit nervous and excited to see my friends once again. (:

i want it so badly..

2011-04-13T23:24:00.004+08:00

i’ve finished reading the book.
i’m even amazed by the speed i had read it.
it was an amazing, a wonderful book to conclude.
totally enjoyed reading it.
i’ve been on it since i was awake.
and then other than intervals between lunch, dinner and toilet breaks, i was with the book.
crazy isn’t it?
i like it when the books ends with the same guy they began with.
i like it when the ending was written properly and not abruptly or confusing.
(:

i ate enough junk to kill my efforts today.
it feels just like digging my own pit and jumping into it.
a bite of chocolate, instant noodles, rice crackers, corn flakes, multi grain snack.
multi grain might do away with some guilt, but nevertheless, they were junk that cost me something.

it seemed exceptionally important that a part of me should never be let known to others, because it might make me vulnerable, leaving me defenseless.
but then, here i am again, letting my emotions out here and there, because confessions could be made and feelings could be shared.
though sometimes it might puzzle readers out there about what i'm talking about.
or maybe they had knew what was i talking about, but only i was stupid enough to think that they hadn't.

the thing i've been yearning for.
the thing that's the norm to everyone everyday out there.
when exactly will i be able to have it, to own it, or to say; achieve it?
it took them almost no effort to have it, but here i am trying so hard, slogging so hard just for it..
isn't it pathetic?
they say, no one's perfect, lest they undergo some artificial treatments.
but seems not to me, cos i feel that it had occurred almost naturally with them, born with it.
aigoo..
if believing and being able to do it was related, then can anyone tell me why hadn't it happened for me?
cos when will miracle ever happens?
and you see, it's times like this again, that makes me begin to doubt and waver.
i really do want it to get better.
a whole load.
i want it, badly. very badly.
that yearn for it. you won't know how much it is, or what it takes to achieve it.
the sad thing is, after trying for so long, it still hasn't reach my expectations.
clinging on to "how much you want it", "not giving up", "believing", "can do it"..
the words leading to hope, leading to achievement.

"there can be miracles, when you believe.."
really?

i know i'm not giving up, not just yet.
but there's just so much doubts going on that i myself ain't even sure of to continue walking down the path.

2011-04-13T00:28:00.001+08:00

cuthbert tagged me this video, cos it relates to one of the tumblr pictures i posted.

it's such a cute video but it brought back memories of my hamster.

don't ask me how i can actually relate dogs to hamster, it just occurred.

as i've said before, these cute videos should be making you smile, but they made me not know whether to smile or tear up.

both i guess.

aigoo, am i still not over yuki yet?

it just made me knew how much i missed him, when i thought i was okay with it.

aigoo arh.

anyway, you can view the video at the link below (credits to cuthbert for the intro to the video) :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Vc059JwCUU&feature=channel_video_title

2011-04-12T23:52:00.002+08:00

thinking i could play along as well.
but i fell hard.
thinking it wasn't that long, but not knowing i could get hurt as well.
thinking i could handled everything well.
i must be out of my mind to have made that decision.
it's all too late for regrets right now, because all has happened.
telling myself not to be so dumb cos you might knew after all.

time after time.

if you could understand me right now, you would have understood why am i doing all this and it just explains all my actions.

my best friend's girl. <3

2011-04-12T22:52:00.001+08:00

i felt overseas when i went downstairs with dad just now.

dad randomly said and asked for soya bean, so i just went down with him even though i've bathed.

so we walked leisurely to the shop.

and as we were heading back, we walked by the rows of shops, stop by some to have a look.

then walked into a bakery shop after buying the soya bean.

the overseas scenario?

heading to the mini mart to buy snacks and drinks for the night.

after a fresh bath.

and then touring the streets on the way back to the hotel.

having a look here and there at the shops and stuff.

it felt deja vu and i enjoyed it. (:

gah.

i don't understand how i can get jealous so easily.

she is nothing to you anymore and it doesn't matter where she works.

BUT.

it seems like she has replaced you and the feeling isn't that great afterall.

i don't ever wish for my place to be replaced.

and just being random, i hope i remember JL where there were those times.

those cash till times because it was when and where i really enjoyed myself and felt loved by the staffs there. (:

not those depressing times.

hmm.

let it go.

it's none of your business anymore.

started reading "my best friend's girl".

it's such a wonderful book. <3

it's so interesting and i'm going to keep going till i finish it.

i gave up "never let me go" cos i seriously can't catch a single ball of what's it talking about.

so i got bored and i moved on to this one.

the summary of this book:

the best friend betrayed her by sleeping with her fianc�, and had a child. (i know, this part sounds like any other drama or any other book. BUT, read on. (: )

2 years later, she received a birthday card that changed her life.

because the best friend had leukaemia and was dying very soon.

the only request that the best friend had was for her to adopt the child.

so how's life going to be for kamryn?

geez, that's my summary for the story. (:

heading over to my blog, where i can make my confession. (:

tmblr time! ^^

2011-04-12T00:05:00.001+08:00

geez, this is cute! =D

wa~ can this even happen?

yeppeo! <3

gasps! whao~

chonun chuwaheyo. =]

it's you that i want. <3

finally a nice picture of jonghyunie oppa! <3

aww! that's winnie and piglet if you noticed. =D

and this moments are the hardest to come by and

the most precious that you have to learn to

cherish them.

i fell in love with mocha frappe.

awesome. (:

london sky doesn't look that gloomy with

all these lighting.

looking at this so reminds me of yuki beloved..

should be a happy pic, but i'm feeling sad.

gah.

am finally thinking of bed right now.

time to sleep! (:

annyeong!

i like this picture. (:

2011-04-11T23:30:00.001+08:00

not even midnight and everyone in this household are already on their bed..

am bored right now and don't feel like sleeping yet.

i'm wondering if i need to explain my actions.

of course, you wouldn't have understood.

but wouldn't it be obvious it was you i'm talking about?

aigoo.

it might not be fair to you, and you must be thinking it isn't fair.

but do remember, it isn't fair to me either in the first place.

out of 3 places to mention it, i chose that.

and i'm gonna mention it later on over there.

hadn't had medication for a week plus, and it seemed that the condition did worsen.

but doesn't that conclude that i'm relying too much on the medication?

all i want is for it to be better.

have been wishing for it so much, but i wonder again, if it would turn true.

and all i want too, is only you.

will my wishes ever ever come true?

i don't think as an aries, as me, i've ever crushed so hard on anybody for so long before.

thinking i had gotten over, thinking i had given up.

but seeing your pictures once again, and it starts all over again.

i don't know how you feel about me, but i'm clear of how i feel.

)0_0(

2011-04-11T11:45:00.002+08:00

After blogging for so long, there's only 681 posts?
How is that possible?
Or is it that those blogged from windows live writer aren't counted.
Puzzled.

Wanted to blog last night, but the interest was taken away by WGM.
Aha.

8 April was an enjoyable day. (:
Went to fetch sis then lunch with BFF. (:
Returned home and mum whipped up my birthday feast.
Yummy yummy.
Anyway, it was a homey celebration.
the biggest present were all the wishes from everyone.
Appreciated it very much, really. (:

Sat, went back home.
Kekeke.
It surprised me!
The partitions were up already,and my room was ready!
It's definitely not the best, or perfect room, but i like it a lot.
I'm contented with it's outcome, and all the things that i chose did match. (:
Excited for the completion. ^^

2011-04-08T02:04:00.000+08:00

why am I being checked up in the middle of the night????
Omg.
I'm 18 already please. Argh.
I dunno how to describe this feeling?
Is it trust again?
Argh.
its not like I'm doing anything bad out anywhere.
I'm at home for crying out loud, for goodness sake.
I definitely have mentioned it before, and I don't feel like mentioning it again.
Grah.
Freedom please.
Ahh.
Its just 2 hours and its like that.
I really dislike it.
Ridiculous.
What the hell.
Can anybody tell me which fellow, after lying in your bed for an hour plus going to two, actually gets up to check on you???
This is ridiculous and frustrating ttm please.
Jincha!
I bet, no doubt, this is going to surface up tmr morning.
It won't be settled and let go so easily.
Aigoo!
Wait till I'm appeased.
Grah.
Maybe after tonight's sleep.
Aigoo arh Aigoo arh...
Ortukeh.
Jincha Jincha Jincha!
Cannot stand it.

birthday eve. (:

2011-04-07T23:59:00.001+08:00

taking some time to blog right now cos video is loading. (:

counting down on my own. hehe.

happy birthday to jjong.

korea is an hour earlier than sing, so yeap.

gah so excited that our birthdays fall on the same day!

though i'm not celebrating with him luh.

haha it's just awesome, wonderful like ahhhh. =DDD

what's the possibility in the whole world that one's birthday is on the same day as their idol?

5%?

i'm lucky enough to fall into that percentage! (:

this year, it's nothing fanciful.

but i still feel blessed and contented.

maybe because it's different from other years. (:

instead of dad spending money to treating us for birthday dinner, he (though as usual) sponsored a cake and bought present! (:

plus the big renov present for everybody.

it's amazing already. (:

hmm it's not a cake though, a RITZ APPLE STRUDEL!

cheap and yummy and good enough for me. (:

hadn't had them for long.

remembered when i first had them, i fell in love with it. aww. wondering how it tastes like right now..

it's been long that i've forgotten the taste of it. ^^

tmr!!!

jogging shoes for me cos the soles from the previous pair came off.

i liked the design and am glad that appa and umma were the ones who chose it for me. (:

and instead of eating out, mum is prepared to whip up dinner for me plus i was the one to select the dishes! (:

weird combination though, but i felt like eating them. ^^

egg tofu, shepherd's pie, lady's finger, mushroom soup. (:

not much meaty stuff, and it's good to go veggie on your day. (:

little aunt personally and specially came to our house just now to deliver delifrance tarts and my ang bao.

gee.

i really feel so fortunate.

very much appreciated litter aunt, thanks so much for the trip and the sincerity.

i feel it all.

gamsahamnida, gomawo, arigato, xie xie, thank you so much!

and am feeling happy too though nothing much has happened, cos there's much gooddies in the fridge awaiting! (:

2011-04-05T00:42:00.001+08:00

why don't you sense the sarcasm

why don't you understand.

i'm trying hard not to empathise with you cos i can't be bothered to.

can't you sense that i'm so cold to you, or do you just don't sense it at all or do you just take it as a norm?

can you be more responsible and put in more effort in the things you do?

cos this attitude is pissing me off.

almost a year now.

you're the longest crush ever.

random much, i just wanna sleep right now.

random blogging. (:

2011-04-04T23:00:00.001+08:00

there was so much to blogged about..

so just random blogging right now. (:

this place that i'm at is so far away from tampines, yet so close to the city.

it's just 3 stops away.

i've just lost a friend.

because i don't think i can handle the presence of them anymore.

and i don't think they are worth the presence in my life, though i thank them for letting me grow stronger.

when i watched yongseo WGM, i had this notebook right beside my laptop and i was scribbling all the korean words i wanted to learn down, and scribbling all the nice songs that were played during the songs..

so prob going to dl the songs soon! (:

right now, am on webpages FB, twitter and tmblr.

aha. (:

appa, umma, people, don't ask me what i want..

presents are meant to be a surprise for the person..

so i expect surprises.. (:

geez. sounds cheesy. ^^

it's unhealthy when i stay in room all day and the laptop is on almost the whole time i'm awake.

i shall get some exercise soon.

hadn't exercised for long. ^^

currently trying to add more fruits into diet, cos realised i've been lacking them.

i think i'm eating healthy. (:

a cupful of water early in the morning right after you are up, to dilute the high concentration of blood in your body.

wholemeal or whitemeal or high calcium bread for breakfast.

as much as i can, i try to include veggies and fruits in my lunch.

minimal or no junk at all.

i think i hadn't had fried food for long, fast foods.

at the most, baked food.

no sweet drinks.

i hadn't drank them for quite some time too.

proteins, carbo, fats, moderated.

dinner, there's always fish, meat, veggies, seafood, clear broth-cooked with olive oil.

satisfied with my performance. (:

as the days get nearer and nearer, the hopes of the wish granted seems lower and lower.

will it even exist for me?

because i know i'm constantly working towards that goal of mine.

it's depressing to just want it get better, perfect, just like any others.

why is it just so difficult?

warm lighting destroys the eyes.

my eyes are tired after spending 2 hours under warm light.

pictures time.

=DDD

this was my lunch at some cafe.

aha naa luh.

it's just my homecooked lunch. and i loveee the egg on top.

yum yum!! =D

the books i mentioned..

started reading never let me go, but it's chim to begin with.

surely i will get the hang of it and enjoy reading? (:

this was the day where i went out with aunt.

our lunch. (:

can add a side dish and a drink @ $1 to go with your ramen, and desserts @ 99cents.

was full ttm after everything. (:

hahaha, the egg at the top is really awesome!!

i loveee eggs!!! =D

dessert.

green tea jap mochi and plain mochi topped with red bean.

i felt that my tummy could explode by then. (:

this was sis and i at our BK house, dinning area. (:

it felt cosy to be home cos it was raining that day, but we were heading out soon. (:

this was ai xin fried rice for lil sis.

the mood was there so i just whipped up a dinner specially for her. <3

it doesn't look appetising, but it's really yummy!

aha, zi kua. ^^

it's the planes if you can identify.

picture wasn't taken well enough.

gah..i love this place. <3

i think i had probably be contented by visiting this place during my birthday.

i don't mind spending the whole day there..

the feeling is just so awwww. <3 (:

tmblr time! (:

whoo starbucks.

awesome but ex ttm.

me lovee places like that. (: